help, feeling crazy

[aquail]

Help.  I have been in a relationship with a drug addict for over 20 years.  I love him and believe it or not it trusted him.  I have never used drugs in my life.  I don't understand why anyone would use them.  I don't drink nor smoke.  I don't like the smell of cigarett smoke.  My boyfriend has his own place and so do I.  He has alway had a very good job and has always treated me very well.  He has always pretected me and would do anything for me.  As I am writing this I am also crying.  I am very sad about this.  2 years ago on in August 2013 he wanted me to come over but I didn't.  But I had a gut feeling that was not right.  So I decided to find out things for myself.  I put a recorder in and this woman called him to borrow money and they used drugs together.  I don't know much of anything about drugs but I think that he shot her up.  She is a school teacher and she also had her shoes off.  After using the drug she screamed Erophia it went quite for awhile.  Then he continue to call her by another name as if he was trying to wake her.  I heard him say "shaka sit" "shaka are you ok" Then finally he said how was it.  She also got 8 ball from him and used it.  When I confronted him about he denied it and said none of my business and he can have who ever he wanted to have over his house and when I asked who was "Shaka" he said it was the dog.  I am also a dog owner by the way and I did not hear a dog bark or make any sounds.  2nd incident was September 20, 2013, she came back and had a gut feeling again and I went to his house and he had withdrew $300. from the bank and they had went out to eat.  When I got there I ask her to call him to the door and she started running and he came to the door and she he was calling the police on me and for me to get out of there.  I thought he was crazy because they both were doing drugs I wasn't.  I left and didn't talk to him for about 3 to 4 weeks.  I constantly call me and said he was sorry but would never admit to what they did.  since then he has tried to belittle me a lot.  We are no longer together.  He is now trying to stop using he only gets $20.00 out of the bank a day.  He has since lost he 6 figure job.  He hates his new job since he doesn't make much money.  His drug female drug buddy has moved out of state but still teaching school.  He goes to church every sunday and now a Deacon of the church.  I miss him a lot but I can't bare to look at him because how he treated me.  I wonder everyday if he had feeling for this woman or was it just drugs.  Why do addicts need female drug addicts?  please help.

[Merri123]

Reread and reread what you wrote. I think it says all it needs too. 20 years is along time to deal with this. Walk away. Find someone other the same values as you have. Or just enjoy being you. You don't need that.

[Trixie_007]

Oh honey, my best advice is to run...not walk...as far away from him. He is on a path to self destruction, and don't you dare let him take him with you. YOU have a bright future ahead. HE has nothing but addiction, health problems and financial despair in front of him.

I'm just guessing here, but I think what you're asking us is if he had feelings for his female drug buddy. Addicts in the thick of their addiction often find a girlfriend or boyfriend to use with. It's frequently not a frienship. They get into a full blown relationship with their enabling addict "friend." They tend to develop romantic feelings with the person they are using with. They have a common interest in using drugs, and therefore they "care" for each other by scoring more drugs and helping each other shoot up, things like that.  From what you've described, it sounds very much like he was unfaithful to you.

You deserve so much better!

[10356]

Hi Aquail. Welcome to the forum. I'm sorry to read that your relationship went this way but I was glad to read you are no longer together as you deserve better. why does a addict need a girl addict ? obvious reasons such as sex, 8 balls are cocaine and heroin usually but can be with crank very sexual and not so obvious ones, Misery loves company.. you do not need to hide who you are and what you are doing..
My suggestion for you is to go to the Dr. and be tested for sexually transmitted disease and for Hep C as it is prevalent in the IV community's. I do not mean to scare you but it is a reality of your situation.. let us know how you are doing ok and Maybe see a therapist to help you get past this and make better choices in the future. I wish you well, lesa
I wish you well in the future. lesa

[Krissy_123]

I think you should just move on. From the parts I could get from your post this has been going on for a few years. You need to move on with your life and find someone who appreciates you. He's a drug addict,until he quits the drugs will ALWAYS come first. If you decide to stick around And stay with him, i would check out a group called alonon. It's a group for people who have loved ones as addicts. Good luck to you!!