i feel like I am alone in rhis

[mom101319]

I am a mother of a 19 year old who we found out 3 months ago was on pain pills. Thank god he came to us for help and we are doing just that. It is a hard road to take not only for him but for me. I am afraid to tell my family whats going on because I know how they would react.... So that means i dont have anyone. I am glad I found this chat room. But I am finding myself getting very depressed. My son has good days and bad. he is on Sub., but I have never felt so alone.

[mom101319]

I understand what you are saying.  My son's dad was the same way and I left him after 5 years. My main concern was my son I didnt want hin to grow up in that. I didnt know how bad he was until after we were married and I thought that he loved me enough to "change". Now after 18 years he has turned his life around just in time to help our son through his crises. I know it's hard on you but stay strong and pray hard. I will be praying for you.

[Soccermumof2]

Ur story struck a string in my heart and mind. My spouse is an addict n has been for all his life. I did not know or actually chose not to know because at first it was a once in a while thing. Now and for the past 10+ years til has been full blown. I grew up with addict parents n swore to myself that I would never let my children witness the very same things I did as a child. Well with all my excuses for their dad, not feeling well, robbing peter to pay paul I really thought I was protecting them. I also have an addict daughter who has no intentions on stopping. Ive been through all the begging, threatening, ignoring n depression/anxiety of all their addictions. I have to say, something sparked in me a few months back and I now do not care. Let them snort n pop their lives away. I am numb. The part I dont understand is when he is clean a day or two cuz he knows I am cold, he thinks I can just forget all the horrible things he has said n done. I cant, wont. Im done. 15 years n I am finally done. Should I feel guilt cuz I actually think I am bad for not caring anymore. I have to worry about my 2 younger boys n try my hardest to keep them on straight n narrow. They are now well aware if their fathers addiction n I will not lie any longer about his problem. Witch, yes. Done

[Teetime4u]

We are all getting stronger, it helps to let this allout. There is so many of us fighting, or watching someone destroy their selves with this horrible addiction. We all can learn from each other! Hope your day was great. One day at a time. God bless!

[mom101319]

I feel so much stonger with all of you on this site. I know God will bring us thrugh this and I thank Him for leading me to all of you. One day at a time is something I am learning so my prayer for everyone today is.....today will be a great day :)

[Richjess2226]

First off I think it's great that you are sticking by your son. I started using heroin when I was 14 and put my parents through hell.
Unless a parent physically gives  their kids to take drugs in the first place (which I've seen happen) then you are sure not to blame. And don't ever let anyone convince you otherwise. Unfortunately you do learn a lot about friends and family when you go through something like this. But I think peoples bad reactions have a lot to do with fear and being miss-informed.
I really wish you could find someone close to you to share this with as this could really help you. You might be supprised. Maybe I have been lucky but I have now told all of my friends and family about my problems and only come across a couple of people in 15 years that have reacted badly. At the end of the day thinking of someone as a "drug addict" is hard to accept sometimes butbit can happen to anyone. No body is above or better than this decease.
My parents were ashamed to talk about my problems for years but eventually started taking. Only you would know if it is right but maybe you will be surprised with how your friends and family with react if you tell them.
Maybe you could also convince your son to post here too. We could try and help him. Best of luck.

[Teetime4u]

Thanks Mark, Prayers to you and yours too.

[gnarly_1]

IM so happy you ladys have found each other when my wife and I went threw it we where basically alone we had our church but so  many dident understand you ladys can support one another and although my daughters story dident have a fairy tail ending she did find recovery in jail and has been clean since....good luck to both of you I will keep you in my prayers......Gnarly

[Teetime4u]

Yes its sad but true. It doesn't matter what walk of life. Big town city little town. Its everywhere. Sorry to hear that you have nowhere to turn. Feel free to pm me if you ever need to vent or just talk. God Bless!   Tee

[mom101319]

I started doing some research in the area we live in and you are right. I could not belive the problems we are having with these pills. I even found out one of our local doctors was hooked on them. If my familey found out they would blame it all on me, it doesnt matter that I tried to be one of the best and sopportive moms I could be, they would turn it around somehow. Family should be the ones to turn to first but thats not the case with me. I am so glad I found this group.

[Teetime4u]

I live in a small town too. Trust me its everywhere. You would be amazed how bad it actually is. Do you have family? Someone to talk to in a face to face manner? If not possible check onto alanon. It helps to talk. I know a lot of people know about my daughters addiction and honestly I don't care what they think. I didn't start her on drugs I didn't get her addicted to drugs and I definately can't fix her. This is a world wide problem. And everywhere you look you will find it. Keep your head up and stay strong. Good luck and God Bless!

[mom101319]

Wow, Thanks Debbie, This is a every day struggle but it sure helps to have people to share with. My son had shinkles 2 times in 6 months and the doctor put him on pain pills and he decided he liked the was they made him feel. soon after he found out he could get them on the street and not have to go through the doctor. In my wildest dreams I never thought that my sweet, smart, beautiful chid would now be a drug addict. cant trust to tell anyone one in this small town but i bet it's a big problem in a lot of families

[atthebeach]

hey mom, believe me you are not alone.i am the mother of a son and daughter who both used and the wife of an addict. it can be so exhausting.i lived my life with 15 years of these addictions. my husbands 14 yrs. and the children followed daddys lead. much to my dismay. lots of crying ,arguing,begging,threatening,lies,deceit,stealing had to always hid my purse,
my jewelry was stolen and sold, promises,promises always broken. lots of counseling mostly for the children .i could make them go.my son started to use pot at 14 and
other drugs to follow. he got in trouble with the law, dropped out of high school, had bipolar issues, punched holes in walls,screaming,and i had 2 younger children. the cops were at our house too many times. we tried outpatient he got kicked out for dirty urines. i sent him to a inpatient rehab when he was 17 was he was doing coke. he was there 3 months. hated me, hated me when i put him in. when he came out was clean for awhile started to use pot again. big time pothead, smoked not stop morning noon night didnt work,lots of anxiety paranoia issues, kicked him out i let him back,kicked him out let him back i def. enabled.
one time so mad at me (everything wrong in his life my fault. ) he picked me up and he fell over me in the street when he was trying to leave the house and i tried stopping him and my head hit the street. cops, ambulance. another time, he slammed the door shut my finger in it. my finger was smashed. fingernail off, switches,2 years i couldnt feel my finger. horrible things. but, but,but, now he just turned 25 today. happy birthday son. he has been clean for 1 and 1/2 years. has a job for 10 months and thanks me that i put him rehab. he said i saved his life. he had a few friends od and die and some are in jail. we have a wonderful relationship. maybe an outpatient program would be good. they urine test.my daughter got arrested may '09 at 17, for coke. she just finished 1 yr. of probation and outpatient rehab. hopefully she is done using. my husband was in inpatient rehab earlier this year has been clean 10 months. as i read this it is amazing i didnt have a nervous breakdown close severe panic attacks, where i couldnt walk or talk the hospital thought i was having strokes a few times. but by the grace and mercy the Lord God we are healing. my 2 youngest are 13 and 11 they had lots of emotional issues and have been in counseling for 2 years. day by day we are receiving more peace and strength. sorry didnt realise my story was this long. i will pray for you and for your peace.
blessings
debbie

[Teetime4u]

You have every right to have trust issues. Our children hav lied to us so much that you don't know what to believe. Like someone told me here, if you want to know if an addict is lying, it is everytime they open their mouth. And It is true. That is great that your son is getting help. Just be there for him and love him. But never drop your guard. Hope and prayers for your sons recovery and strength for you. God Bless!

[PipPip1234]

If he really wants help & really wants to be free from drugs, of course it will get better, your relationship will probably end up stronger, Im not sugar coating anything, thats what I believe. You hurt the ones you closest to because you know they will do anything to see you get better, drugs are crazy & make you do things you look back at & are disgusted by. The feeling you describe is exactly how my family felt, worried every time I stepped out the house but you cant keep an eye on him 24/7. Keep talking to each other, you will get through this, just coming on here shows how much you care but also how lost you might feel but you are not alone, keep strong, have faith in yourself & your son & just think, this step is such a big one, he came to you for help so he must believe in you, now believe in yourself :-)

[mom101319]

Thanks everone... I dont feel so alone anymore. We finally found a NA meeting close to home and he starts next Tuesday. I just pray that he can come out of this a stronger and better man. I just have a lot of trust issues right now. I guess where he is lied to me so much in the past I am afraid to let him go anywhere by himself  and when he does I am all twisted inside wondering if he is going to do something. I just want us to have the relationship we used to have.... one this trust and peace.... Will it ever get back that way again???

[Teetime4u]

Hello and welcome to the site. I too am dealing with pain pill addiction with my daughter. But unfortunately she is not ready to stop. It is hard to find out that our children are  using and addicted to these evil drugs. And beleive me you are not alone. Is you son doing aa or na. He really needs to. And if possible get yourself into alanon. I check this site as often as possible, feel free to message me I am always available. Good luck and god bless!!

[IBKleen]

Hi & Welcome,

I hope you come back and talk with us. You are not alone. there is a lot of great support here for you and for your son as well.

Hope to talk with you again.

[PipPip1234]

Hey there, I'm 21 years old & coming off methadone originally from heroin & would like to say that its so great to know how much you care for your son, my mum was there for me & I know how alien it was too her, finding out her daughter was on drugs, she raised me right but it was my decision to use but with her help, support & love, I'm getting through it, like your son can with yours, I really wish you all the best, he can do it & you can get through it :-)

[laurel453]

Hi, welcome here :)

glad that you have found us, there are parents of addicts here and i am sure they will come to share their experiences with you. It is really the best thing that your son asked for help to you, this is not the most usual thing but it is the best, he is very young and he has all his life ahead . I think that you could also attend alanon so that you could share with someone face to face and learn more about addiction. As for your son, suboxone is a tool and i would advice aftercare, this is a must for us, we learn how to deal with life on life's terms, no pills to hide :)  NA meetings, therapy, counseling.... whatever it may work for him....you could also tell him to join the forum, support from other addicts is a real help and we need it. :)