Withdrawal and Depression

[OxyDout]

I finally got to post!! I have been experiencing severe withdrawal/depression the last few days, so much that I have found myself crying on a few occasions, I have been feeling like there is no way out of this awful life style, and if I get close to being clean, I get scared when I think of leading a sober life..... I can't handle it anymore, I lie to everyone, I hurt everyone and I waste all my godamn money on drugs, what the hell is the point?  If it weren't for people in this forum, its a possibility I might not be here right now.  How do I ease this pain, physically and mentally....... I would appreciate any and all posts. I hope I make it through this, I'm not feeling so well.  GWH  I will be here all day.

[Deason]

I think the xanax may be contributing to your fatigue.  I have taken in twice and both times it has made me extremely tired.  I really think that after five weeks you should not be so exhausted.  I really feel for you because you are doing the right thing by no longer taken the vicoprofen but you are not reaping the benefits.  Are you drinking a lot of water?  Maybe this is not possible but how about forcing yourself to go outside and take a long walk.  
By the way, I also have a 4 year old!  I have been taking one (yes only one)vicoden a night for about 3 years.  I know that might sound silly to some but that one pill has played a very important part of my life for several years now.  I have stopped before for a month or so but always go back to taking one about 7:00 pm each night.  I only took 1/2 last night and will take 1/2 tonight and then hopefully none ever again.

[OxyDout]

thanks again man, I really appreciate it, really, I do. I also hope this will be a bad memory.  You have some weird thoughts when detoxing. For instance, i found out my dealer was quitting, went to detox, so of course my first reaction was, Is he still going to sell? should I grab something before he gets rid of everything? and what am I going to do, I can't be sober the rest of my life!! Its awful, but I don't let that get to me, I push those thoughts down deep in my gut and then throw them out! I can't think that way, I need to look forward, I'm starting new.  The last time I relapsed I was driving in my car I took an 80mg oxy that day, I had no money, I owed people money and I was so worried that I had to hang out with my girlfriend, See, I have awful restless leg syndrome when going through withdrawal, so I feared having to spend time with my girlfriend because I couldn't handle it. So during this moment of anxiety, I promised myself that I wouldn't forget how I felt at that time and how I never want to feel that way again, thats what is keeping me sober.  Did that make sense?? I hope I can further help you.  WE CAN DO THIS, trust me we can.  good luck, keep posting

GWH

[1fortheroad]

do you feel any energy coming back?  and does anyone know what the "general" amount of time it takes to start getting it back.  i know everyone is different, but is there some sort of ballpark time frame?  it's so depressing to hear that lanas is 5 weeks clean, and she's still feeling like ****.

[dive]

Yeah, I guess you're right.  Although I love winter.  Both my gilfriend, and I are Huge snowboarders.  We love snow, but hate the cold.  

I am 24 years old.  I live outside of Wash DC. and My girl too knows I've dabbled, but not to that extent.  She would freak out, since she is a pharmacy student, and her father was hooked on pain pills for almost 3 years.  He quit successfully on his own, and She really has no idea what addiction is, because to her it looked easy to walk away from the pills.  She has experimented with everying just like I have, but Nothing out there has ever grabbed her like these pills grabbed me.

I hope one day all of this will be a bad memory.  Thats all I want.

And yes, you have definitley reached someone.  Remeber that while you stay sober.  I wouldn't be posting the results of my detox here if it wasn't for yours..

[OxyDout]

That post means a lot, I'm so amazed that i have reached someone, I agree, I have hit a couple of moments when I have looked at my girlfriend in complete happiness in knowing I will someday marry her. She knows I've "dabbled" but she doesn't know to what extent.  Anyway, I will definitely keep posting, I need to!! Today I feel ok, but I will feel better at lunch, I'm going out with my girlfriend, when I'm with her, I feel like a normal person again, you know?  So how old are you exactly, younger or older then me? I"m 22. I live outside of Boston, and the whether is great here.  The whether/season play a huge part in a positive mentality.  Winter is very much a depressing season, it made everything so much worse.  Anyway, I hope all is well, and post often!!

GWH

[OxyDout]

Been there done that, and I'm gonna have to go through it again, and you know what, IT SUCKS!! but ge have to do it, you should not feel like your alone, your not even close to being alone. i wake up everyday and feel like i'm in this cloud, i feel like i have a fishbowl of smoke over my head. It sucks, but i push through because as much as i would like to, getting a fix just isn't an option.  keep it up and post as much as u can, i know i will be here and so won't everyone else.

GWH