addiction effects family too...

[bama88]

Addiction also effects what our children spouses mothers fathers etc..

when I was using and out of control my whole family was too spiraling along side of me...it was like..mom and dad has gone wild so we can too..it was a giant mess...my son whohis older 22 got a dui right around his 21 first birthday..his second one..first one when he waz 17..second 21...and I was so proud...not...yes I was angry sad etc..but I also learned he learned thru watching me drive intoxicated. .not by drinking..but taking pills...so I was partly to blame...I helped him along...
thankful I had some clean time so I really helped him...2nd time I didnt pay one red cent..and he was sitting in a aa meeting the very next day...it was because of him I went to meetings and stayed. ..

I also remember my daughters lovely nasty attitude...I thought what happened to my good kid....she went bad...again...she only was using what I taught her....she was 13 and sassy is a kind word...But she was so angry...I remember she did not want to live with me...she wanted to run away...or live with her granny....
again bow could I expect my children to do the right things when I was teaching this great lesson while I was high off my az and nodding in the corner...
my kids saw it all....I mean..they saw it all...
even when I just knew I was hiding it..you know...
turn the corner and pop a pill...drive down to the store to smoke a little something....nod off on the couch....throw my son my keys to drive...
I was such a great parent....

my children became angry and dark monsters full of negative feelimgs and so forth..they felt alone scared tired....before I got clean my daughter went boy crazy...my son already girl gagga...
and because they were messed up they attracted messed up kids...
the more everyone messed up...the more I stayed messed up...my daughter became suicidal...partly because she was crippled..yeah im gonna use that word..she was crippled from a popped hip and waiting for her big surgery...and mentally crippled because she was confused.....mommy and daddy were missing in action.......she and my son were raising themselves...my son since he was 13....daughter started raising herself much younger...

imagine my giant mess I was dealing with all the while I was deperatley trying to clean up myself...those were the days....

something changed along this year......and it started with me....
the more I cleaned up..the more I learned how to get thru some awfully tough situations with these kids....they learned too....it was really hard...I used to pop an extra pill or two or three depending on what I was dealing with before rehab...after rehab I was doing it alone..

I didnt know how to deal. I didnt know how to parent. I didnt know nothing in the beginning...I only knew I wasnt gonna unstress myself that way...
meetings were a family affair so to speak...here I am bouncing to aa meetings for my son....na meetings for me. ...with both kids in tow..I mever even knew what alone time was...and my daughter went with...daddy was passed out on couch...and yes you can come...maybe you think im crazy letting my 14 year old daughter listen to such adult talk...am I... she seen it already in the house...we actually developed a teen program because she came. ..other women saw me with kids and next thing more and more started showing up...

a beautiful thing happens in my car going and coming to meetings..we talk..we learn..we share...and another wondefful thing happened..we grew up...my kids got super good...I mean super good....they ditched all bad kods...and some were bad...especially my sons...we even learned how to argue witbout a total screaming match...we got some self esteem...and things got better....fast.
we learned healthy choices...we learned a new lesson I am proud I taught..

this came across my mind yesterday...how can you expect your kids to make the right decisions when you arent...kids see everything. ..
be mindful of this....
A coworker of mine is in a bad spot...first..she comes to work drunk..I mean everyday...at 6 am..drunk from the night before...all her kids are in trouble...son kicked out from doing drugs...her 12 yr old daughter having oral sex with a man in her apt complex...a giant heap of mess. .
she confided in my yesterday...and my response was....until you do right how can they...they are kids..and learn by example...get help...you know..my usual conversation...

please understand we can teach a new lesson...a better lesson....

and why would she come talk to me...I dont really know her...do I have a neon sign...ask bama...talk to bama...bama is a recovering addict...I dont get that...strangers approach me with these problems...strangers..

please put your imput...I need your help want to use this as a topic...

Please share any stories or thoughts on how addiction changed your family for the worst and better...and if you dont have kids..spouces siblings parent s will do

[regreatful]

My mother was an addict/alcoholic. Whenever she didn't have her pain meds, she drank... A lot. Someone made a comment about their son deserving to see a mom not high. I love hearing that. The last time I saw my mom, she was laying in bed with pill bottles all around her. She finally took her own life. Because I can't remember a sober mom, I don't exactly know how to deal with her death. I was 17 when she died almost 11 years ago. Maybe she got caught up with being "super mom" when in reality she was a stranger. Please, if you have children, stop this madness. Let your kids get to know the real you. I would give anything to have my mom back. I'll never know who she truly was, and that is something very difficult to deal with. All I have left is her ashes, a bad memory of her lying there dead surrounded by pills, and horrible nightmares. Your kids still have you, don't take that away

[madisonjssmom]

I lost a 13 year marriage due to my choices.  I just "thought" I had to have those pills everyday, but mine was a little different. I only used once a day and the same time everyday, I would take 6 10mg hydrocodone at 5pm everyday and by the time my x husband would get home I would be feeling great. Looking back on it now I realize that I could of made it through so easily without the pills. I went through a 1.5 year court battle with Attorney's, Judges, Mediations, Court room trials just because my X did not want to pay me a penny. But I fought so long and hard without the pills and it taught me that I can survive anything. I was a stay at home Mom with the beautiful house in the gated community driving the BMW, my X a successful business owner and I lost it all, but it was my choice not his, I am now a single Mom who had to return to school at the age of 45 to be able to get a decent job to support my daughter and myself, All WITHOUT pills, so it can be done, If I can do it anyone can. And, Oh, I am a great Mom just because I used does not make me an awful person. I'm proud of me and it shows in the beautiful daughter that I have raised. She is sweet, kind, caring and beautiful, My life now is not perfect but its good and im content with that. I do miss my family sometimes but its been 4 years and he is happily remarried and im engaged to a wonderful man. My strength amazes me. the day I was served with divorce papers 4 years ago is the day I put the pills down for good, Kinda strange how that happened. What makes me angry is that I went through all this court and attorney stuff and actual court trials scared to death without using but when it came to being a housewife and stay at home Mom I "thought" I had to use.

[bama88]

I hear ya taz.....those ops are hard to kick.....I know...took me over a year and several relapses to get clean....several...

my mom and dad drank as a kids...I can remember feeling like I was all growed up when I took that first drink...with my family on very special occasions. ...at 17....I drank hard from 03 to 07...then found pills...I hate alchol...
My sister drinks amd takes pills and who knows what...all 3 brothers drink..one is bad...two mix other substances with drinking...

Talk about monkey see monkey do...

[kellygirll]

i too came from a broken home parents split when i was 7 my sister 2 i raised my sister my mom was a drunk and drug addict coke heroin her boyfriend was a big time drug dealer my dad was a drunk and an addict too pills heroin so of course me and my sister followed in their steps and so did our kids my mom got sober 25 years ago dad 16 years ago sister 22 years ago and me well I've been clean 15 days I'm the only one who kept partying i used to drink like every weekend pretty much stopped drinking about 9 years ago i only drink twice a year when all us girls go to one of the girls beach house i don't like drinking anymore don't like the feeling of being drunk I've had my run with coke smoking coke kicked all that thing i can't seem to shake is the OPs they are the devil but I'm on day 15 clean oh my sisters daughter was a heroin addict lost her baby to my sister she is raising him but she has been clean 1 year in feb my son was doing heroin and pills in 09 got clean started using again in 2011 stopped jan 2012 when he came close to dying he just came off subs 2 months ago and is doing great so thats my story

[Ldytaz]

U r a inspiration.. I too had a Son who got his first dui at18 second at 21..my second son lived in his car at 18 with his crack addiction.I had moved to be with my Mom in Florida.First the older one came(after a year),3 months later the 18 year old called,left his car on the side of the road got on a bus and he was here.. His was the worst.When I saw him get off that bus I could have died.He is 6'5" tall and was maybe 135lbs.He look awful.we took him home he cleaned up,slept,ate and slept some more.. I am so proud of these boys.The oldest is now 35 lives back in Cali. and owns his own bus.My 32 year old is here has a fiance,2 kids and a pretty good life.My youngest was 7 when I quit my doc.He went to most of my meeting with me,unless he stayed with Grandma.he would sit at a table and do his homework.Im talking big,bearded,loud biker meetings.lol I loved them.Boy,did they have stories..another post.Anyway,my Son is 25 now and hates anything not natural.He takes vitamins,runs anything to stay healthy.he holds down a good job and has a condo on the beach.he got hit by a spring breaker and totaled his car and now has to stay here so we can share ours.But,he is strong and can handle anything.But,seeing me ever go down the bad road again.that is the only thing he stresses about.Me,Mom please stop smoking,Mom please eat right,Mom this Mom that.I know he does it out of love but,my God sometimes I see an old man in his eyes.I know I affected him but,cant be the blame for it anymore.It kills me sometimes to think what he went thru.his dad kidnapped him to get me clean and that was the worst and best thing that ever happened to me...Ok done rambling..Hugs

[bama88]

Thanks for your comments. ...I have a question to ask...please forgive me if im getting personal....

do you think....it was easier to get sucked in to drugs because your dad was..I mean do you think that addiction is a medical disease were born with..or a developed psychological disease..a learnex behavior...

Please

[nonights]

Thank you for great post. My baby (20) year old doesn't know a mom not high except for my 70 days now. I have included him in on recovery. I owe him that since bad examples are all he's seen. I pray for him to not be an addict and for us to change our lives. Your post has given me hope.

[ywf27]

Your story is inspiring. Your entire family went from walking the path of hell to jumping on the yellow brick road all lead by you. Your a strong leader and a smart person. My parents separated when I was 8. I stayed with my father. My father used drugs my father sold drugs. He was abusive at times and has stayed addicted for 30 some years. He is addicted still. But I have never doubted his love for me. I've made it to day 43 clean off methadone and he is proud. He let's me know that anything good that has happened in his life was motivated by me. He has said that if I can get to the other side of this that he's willing to try too. We all have our demons and our own family dynamics and battles to fight on our own but sticking together makes us strong and it makes us whole. Congratulations to your entire family. Keep up the good fight. You guys are a success story no matter what took place in your past.

[bama88]

I have been wrestling with tonights topic at my womems meeting...I think I found my topic..lol...

my son hasnt drank since jan 30 2013...over a year clean..my daughter is completely healed..total hip..no more crutches and gets straight a's...my mom is trying so hard not to drink....my husband is taking meds as supposed to...im sober 1 year 7 months...life isnt perfect in my house..but I am proud...my son is in college with a 4.0 gpa....we all hang out together...good things came from this...and good things are in store for u...