battle has been lost!!!!

[maxe58]

first i wld like to thank all of those who offered advice and or kind words...it really meant alot....today however was my group counseling session and to my utter shock and dis belief dr mchatred anounces to the entire group that i had tried to taper myself "that i thought i was the dr" and he went around the room asking if any body else had tried that...well as u prob knw no one else had the balls to admit that they did..i mean come on if one is serious about being clean im sure they at least tried to cut back or dwn....any way after no one said anything he returned the attention back to me and had ea person give ME a reason why wat i did was a horrible idea and he continued to tell the group that with my way of thinking i am a "relapse waiting to happen"....i felt utterly humiliated...i had tears running dwn my face...i was shocked silent...i honestly cldnt say a word...he then asked me if i "had any more bright ideas"?....all i cld do was run from the room....i ran out of the building....i ran to my car and to my phn....right now i am waiting for my dealer to get here....i guess he was right!!! addiction is a big business...only my doc dealer never ever made me feel the way my so called recovery dr has....he wins...maybe i am just a junkie...in my defense i will say this:..i went in to the sub prgrm ready to renew my life...i had all the hopes of a new bride on her wedding day....i was getting married to life....my battle with addiction has been lost...i sit here defeated....he left a voice mail saying he feels i need to go to 3 subs a day!! that means i pay more ea week..as it is now i am cash pay and he gets 200 a week and the pharm gets almost 500 now he wants more? no he wins...i lose....well just heard that all to familiar horn blowing in my drive way....again thamk u all and to those who are lucky enough to beat this i wish u luck and plz knw sme of us are not as lucky and we envy u.......rebecca

[Elmijack15]

Same here, I was checking to see if you would post now tomorrow you can update it with a different title as you did not lose the battle, you are winning! Way to go, now I can go to sleep. You'll be in my prayers tonight.

[IwillDoThis]

becca I'm so proud of you, I've been checking all night to see if you'd post an update.  GREAT job, you should be proud!  You brought tears to my eyes thinking about you there fighting all alone but you DID IT!  We are here and we care!  I'm 58 days girl you CAN do this!

[Elmijack15]

So glad to hear from you and such great news!! You should be extremely proud of yourself!! Keep going, you're on your way!! Biggest hugs to you!!!

[atthebeach]

hey becca, i am so proud of you. that is how you will get through the urges when they come. one day at a time. keep on praying an ask GOD to break the chains and bondage of addiction and to cover your mind with HIS grace and mercy. you did great. keep up the good work. keep the faith.
do you have subs left that you can taper down from?
sending hope,encouragment,peace,support,hugs and many prayers
debbie

[Phil213]

Ok I'm new just posted for help with my problem! Give me hope!

[NorthEast213]

YES!!!!   This made my night!  I was so happy to read this....   Great job.  I'm so sorry about your doctor but the sad truth is some are like this. Like you said Becca you made it today.  We will deal with tomorrow when it comes...

You made a great decision today..And remember you are never alone!

Stick around here and post often!