christian relapsed

[LIZZIE LOU]

i have been here for 11 months now...not many of you were here when i first came.

i guess the purpose of this post is just to vent.  there is nothing that any of you can do to help him...hell, he cant help himself.

my son christian is a crystal meth addict.  he was diagnosed with HIV last march and married in june.  neither of these two things are enough...nothing is ever enough.

i am physically sick as i am writing this...his addiction and lack of wanting to help himself...makes me puke...literally.  this has been going on for 10 years now.  

during his first visit to UAB...seeing his HIV specialist...he was told that he could NOT do meth and expect to do well.  it will actually lower his cd4 count and could change his status from HIV to AIDS.  was that enough?  hell no.   his g/f married him...knowing that he cheated and acquired HIV.  doesn't he know how lucky he is?  is she enough to make him want to quit?  apparently not.

i'm sick and frucking tired of hearing his promises...his lies.  i am sooooooo sick of him that i truly hope that he looses everything.  going back to prison would be a huge relief off my heart.   dont tell me you want to quit...show me!  if someone wants to stop doing drugs...they frucking do something about it.  they just dont talk about it.  I HATE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I HATE WHAT HE IS DOING TO HIMSELF...HIS WIFE...AND HIS FAMILY.  he is the most selfish person that i have ever met.  how can you have a wife at home and stay out all night doing meth?  and God know "who"??????  he is a disgusting piece of shiat.

[badeggs65]

i dont thibk lizzie is or has ever tried to attack anyone here. she has always been a caring and compassionate person  who is always willing to try to help......cindy

[badeggs65]

aww sweetie, you have been thru so much. as a parent i often wonder just how much it would take to "break" us . i don't think it can be done. a mohters love endures all, pain, hurt, anguish, happiness, the whole gamut. but dear, you seem to have always dont the right thing. just follow your heart, as we all do with our children and it always seems to be the right thing to do. it will all work out, you have to let it go....you can't fix him, as you well know. you just have to take care of yourself right now, and protect you. i know the pain you are experiencing, i have 2 daughters and one of them gave me pure hell for awhile with drugs....scared the hell outta me. but i always think that kids always come back to their upbringing, it is just a mattter of when he hits "his" bottom and has had enough. and this is something that only he will know when the time is right and can only do on his own, no matter how much we as mothers want to do it for them, we can't. all i can do is pray that your pain, suffering, and anguish will be comforted from somewhere deep within. my heart breaks for you, hun.  and i will continue to pray for you and your family, with much love.....cindy  

[love_hope]

not been myelf i know exactly how you feel the frustration the anger and the sadness off been let down again and again i went in search off a site that offered help on our side so we can try get a better understanding off what the **** goes through an addicts head and why they cause so much damage there is a brillant site called crackreality.com and its just for the family and friends off addicts and believe me all our stories are the same i understand your anger but there is no point been here and attacking a person TRYING to get clean anyway have a look at the site ive mentioned and remember what christian means connected with christ god bless and goodluck sadly christian needs to walk alone.  i also have a son with the same name

[ilikevics]

Ok, wow how time flies.  I guess it has been 11 months.  I was here your first day and what a day it was.  Thank goodness you gave up the capital letters!!  Hang in there, and I will pray for you and Christian.  You know, my ex freaked out when he saw I was going to the HIV forum.  I was trying to follow your sons progress without asking about it here.  God bless.

[msinsane]

i just want you to know i have read several of your posts you have encouraged me greatly i am so sorry you are going through this with your son. You are a strong women and you will make it through this dont ever give up. If you ever need someone to tak with i am here take care and keep it up. Sometomes its good to let all your anger and feelings out. we are here whenever you need to vent....kris...msinsane

[ilikevics]

I was here the very first day you posted.  I have been here the whole 10 months with you, fighting my battles along side you.  My heart breaks.  It took me losing everything, my home, my husband, everything, for me to give up vicodin.  Be strong, he will come around.