Aa
fighting the battle of my life.
I've been on suboxone for 3 years. 16 mg grams or so every day for 3 years. I had taken off from my clinic for my 1 year old surgery then we went to Gatlinburg. Needless to say I couldn't believe it They kicked me out. I've been an addict since I was 17 and I'm almost 31. Ayways about the. 2nd or 3rd day I totally let my brain run off and a friend of mine which really doesn't know about addiction anyways I said I need some kind of pain meds I feel Li j e I'm dying then he gave me 4 voles full of morphine and a bag of needles. Now I've been so against all t g at crap for 3 years and I did it do fast I didn't even think of what I was doing. I've been off suboxone for 5 days and on morphine for 3 days . I. Don't know what to do my husband doesn't understand addicts and we have a 1 year old so how could I go in rehab. I don't know what to do so anyone any advice I c could really used also what are the signs of over dosing on the morphine. I use to do this before I got clean. But it seems worse tan it was in 2 years in as little as 2 days help. .
Hi faith,
I was also on sub for 2.5 - 3 years. Tough medication to detox n recover from, but it can b done. Personally, I tapered down n did my own at home detox. Did not care for my sub Dr so pretty much set my own taper schedule. I think jumping from 16mill is excessive. I would encourage u to call every Dr u can think of n pray for one sympathetic to what u r dealing with n hopefully get some help. I think u need to b in a Dr's care right now. Taking one med to help u thru very seldom is effective. Generally just adds to the issue.
I soooo feel for u. Not having a supportive spouse would b a challenge. But right now u need to focus on u. Read n post here often. U r not alone.
I was also on sub for 2.5 - 3 years. Tough medication to detox n recover from, but it can b done. Personally, I tapered down n did my own at home detox. Did not care for my sub Dr so pretty much set my own taper schedule. I think jumping from 16mill is excessive. I would encourage u to call every Dr u can think of n pray for one sympathetic to what u r dealing with n hopefully get some help. I think u need to b in a Dr's care right now. Taking one med to help u thru very seldom is effective. Generally just adds to the issue.
I soooo feel for u. Not having a supportive spouse would b a challenge. But right now u need to focus on u. Read n post here often. U r not alone.
Oh Honey, I wish I could give you a big hug and tell you everything is going to be OK. You simply must get off of the extremely dangerous Merry Go Round, now. I know that you are scared, but there is help available to you. You can not do this alone. Please talk to a doctor, get yourself to a meeting where you will get advice and support. Please don't feel bad about coming here and getting support from strangers. We all started out that way. I remember how scared and alone I felt when I first came here. These strangers have become friends and like family members to me. We understand how you feel. Please take the advice you have been given. Don't let you little baby lose it's mother. You can do this! We will help you every step of the way. Keep posting and let us know how you are doing, and if you have any questions. Take care, I wish you the very best. You deserve a life without the stress of drugs.
For TODAY, because it's sunday, look up an AA or NA meeting and GO. They can help. Don't worry about your husband not understanding this right now. You don't need him to understand in order to get better.
Call an urgent care center today, go in, and ask for advice. Trust me, doctors have heard it all. You can also go to the ER, they have to treat you.
Call the doctor who delivered your baby and tell him your situation and ask for help.
There are ALWAYS options. Let us know which you decide:)
Call an urgent care center today, go in, and ask for advice. Trust me, doctors have heard it all. You can also go to the ER, they have to treat you.
Call the doctor who delivered your baby and tell him your situation and ask for help.
There are ALWAYS options. Let us know which you decide:)
I started writing back last night and it just got to late. But I did take your advice some what I sat him down after I read your comment and he saw I was crying and said what's wrong. So I told him,I had been talking to some people about the whole suboxone thing and told him I and told,him every thing we talked about and mainly all he had to say was don't take morphine that's stupid. To be honest I did not tell him about the IV use. I seriously sometimes wonder if he isn't working fascists me. . That's a totally different subject though. I did try to tell him but he asked how much of it u was taking and I said I'm not sure. He said that is just so stupid but I explained to,him it's liquid and I know how stupid it is but I'm not sure I then. Said probably,way more than needed and he just got kind of mad. I did tell him I needed him more than ever and asked him if he would be open to a alon meeting. But he said he doesn't need that. I told him when he took his vacation as bad as it sounds I'm gonna have to take the week to detox or I'm gonna die. He asked how to,go about doing that and then mentioned maybe he could take the baby to his parents but to be honest I can't say I trust myself to detox I'm scared of justifying my u e and putting it off. All of you that commented and put your time in to caring your words really hit home and I feel bad I have go get online to get support from strangers ,I know this isn't the right choices by its so good to know you all know exactly how I'm feeling. It gave me a little hope. I'm sorry to waste your time but I just want y p u to know I so greatly appreciate it. Another thing you had asked me about the clinic the one I was in for over 2 years is actually 2 hours away from me. I have a few clinics th st are closer but there is like a 6 month waiting list. The only other doctor I've seen in the past 2 years is the doctor that deliver ed the baby. And of course the pediatrician. I'm racking my brain all the time trying to think of what to do. I just pray I make it to the day that I can wake up with out taking something to make it through the day. Its been a long time. But again thank you. I know I'm in circles but right now that's exactly how I feel.
Faith- I just read all the posts: I'm gonna give it to you straight: your baby won't have a mommy to miss if you don't do something now. Why would you wait an entire month to stop? I assume you are taking morphine still? You CAN detox off that now at home. (I assume you haven't been on subs since 8/14?) Lots and lots of us have loved ones that don't get it. So, now you know that you need outside help. It was already suggested to you to tell your dr. Did you?
Please please go to an AA or NA meeting asap. Yes you can go while using. You need support desperately. You've been an addict your entire adult life. You CANNOT do it alone...you've proven that over and over. None of us can. So please DO what has been suggested to you. Don't listen to your brain, listen to people in recovery. Okay?
Please please go to an AA or NA meeting asap. Yes you can go while using. You need support desperately. You've been an addict your entire adult life. You CANNOT do it alone...you've proven that over and over. None of us can. So please DO what has been suggested to you. Don't listen to your brain, listen to people in recovery. Okay?
Well I do appreciate your advice. And my mind is saying easier said than done. I know I need to tell him the truth which I have tried but he just doesn't get it. He thinks this is all a choice and when I told him I was scared of myself because of Congo off the suboxone that I'm scared of what I'll let myself do he said I was an adult and that was the most pathetic thing he had ever heard and that I make my own choices. Also in the end if,September he has a week off at work and I thought about trying to make myself detox. I thought maybe him and the baby could go to his parents in va but that scares me because the baby has never been away from me but for more than a couple hours. I feel so hopeless and it's only getting worse.
Good Morning & Welcome! :)
As Motye51 said, you're in a rough situation. If you want your life back though, we can talk about ways to untangle this whole thing & to go forward. You CAN do this. You just have to plan wisely. ;)
Question: Were you an IV addict before? Are you IM'ing the morphine or shooting up? (I was an IV addict & started @ 17, too. We also have several others here who were & are now clean). I ask because your choice is a good indicator of how you're feeling about things.
In answer to your question: Unfortunately, most folks don't have the opportunity to realize they're OD'ing. If they do, it's usually a pretty brief window unless we're talking about long-acting drugs like M'done where it builds in the blood stream over multiple uses in a relatively short period of time.
The signs would be:
Lowered blood pressure
Irregular heartbeat and palpitations
Bluish discoloration of the lips, skin and fingernails
Dizziness and drowsiness
Weak and thready pulse
Muscle flaccidity
Shallow, difficult breathing
Seizures & tremors
I've see quite a few OD's in my time & lost a lot of friends that way. I would say that if you continue with the IM'ing/IV'ing, you're running a considerable risk -- particularly if you're using without anyone else around to call 911. Do you have access to Narcan? It's a good idea as a harm reduction measure for anyone using needles to keep a loaded syringe of this antidote in their medicine cabinet. I'm not saying that you're going to continue down this path, it's just that this is serious business! Using these meds orally is risky enough.
If your husband doesn't understand addiction, it might be a good idea to get pro-active. Why not sit down w/ him & bare your soul? Tell him you need his help -- that you can't do this alone! Gently & honestly explain what's been going on & the agony & aloneness that you're feeling. Encourage him to come to the site & read, read, read. He can also go to local Al-anon meetings to hear from others in his situation & be supported. Tell him that you want very badly to stop the cycle you're in -- that you want it for the both of you & for your child. We also have a 'Living with an Addict' forum here that he can post on. He can also post here.
Like Motye, I think it would be a good idea to get back onto a low dose of Subs or Methadone briefly & taper off properly. This would give you structure & the time to put together & prepare for a solid & practicable plan for detox. The trick is to do it right -- not panic -- & to make sure that it sticks. I know that it's a desperate feeling where you're @ & my heart goes out to all of you.
Please let us know what you're thinking & feeling. Keep posting.
We're here & we're in your corner!! :)
As Motye51 said, you're in a rough situation. If you want your life back though, we can talk about ways to untangle this whole thing & to go forward. You CAN do this. You just have to plan wisely. ;)
Question: Were you an IV addict before? Are you IM'ing the morphine or shooting up? (I was an IV addict & started @ 17, too. We also have several others here who were & are now clean). I ask because your choice is a good indicator of how you're feeling about things.
In answer to your question: Unfortunately, most folks don't have the opportunity to realize they're OD'ing. If they do, it's usually a pretty brief window unless we're talking about long-acting drugs like M'done where it builds in the blood stream over multiple uses in a relatively short period of time.
The signs would be:
Lowered blood pressure
Irregular heartbeat and palpitations
Bluish discoloration of the lips, skin and fingernails
Dizziness and drowsiness
Weak and thready pulse
Muscle flaccidity
Shallow, difficult breathing
Seizures & tremors
I've see quite a few OD's in my time & lost a lot of friends that way. I would say that if you continue with the IM'ing/IV'ing, you're running a considerable risk -- particularly if you're using without anyone else around to call 911. Do you have access to Narcan? It's a good idea as a harm reduction measure for anyone using needles to keep a loaded syringe of this antidote in their medicine cabinet. I'm not saying that you're going to continue down this path, it's just that this is serious business! Using these meds orally is risky enough.
If your husband doesn't understand addiction, it might be a good idea to get pro-active. Why not sit down w/ him & bare your soul? Tell him you need his help -- that you can't do this alone! Gently & honestly explain what's been going on & the agony & aloneness that you're feeling. Encourage him to come to the site & read, read, read. He can also go to local Al-anon meetings to hear from others in his situation & be supported. Tell him that you want very badly to stop the cycle you're in -- that you want it for the both of you & for your child. We also have a 'Living with an Addict' forum here that he can post on. He can also post here.
Like Motye, I think it would be a good idea to get back onto a low dose of Subs or Methadone briefly & taper off properly. This would give you structure & the time to put together & prepare for a solid & practicable plan for detox. The trick is to do it right -- not panic -- & to make sure that it sticks. I know that it's a desperate feeling where you're @ & my heart goes out to all of you.
Please let us know what you're thinking & feeling. Keep posting.
We're here & we're in your corner!! :)
COMMUNITY LEADER
You are in a bad situation for sure, but we need to make a plan for how to get out of it. If your last dose of sub was at 16mg than yeah, at day 3/4 you went into sub w/d (i did the same thing) and its a *****!!!! Unlike anything i've felt before. But morphine???? No, no, no! Your going backwards with this. I'm sure that was the reason for finding the subs in the firsr place. Are there any other sub clinics in your area you can go to? I really hate the fact that these clinics dont give a **** about cutting people off like this, it's totally unsafe!
First and foremost, its time to put the morphine down...you have to talk to your husband b/c you will need him to help u with the baby while u detox. You can do it at home, i did, and if u stop the morphine now, then you shouldnt detox off that as much as the subs, and i say this b/c you dont want to detox off of both!!! Do you have a regular dr that u could go speak to and maybe he can give you something to help with the w/d? I can tell you that you can w/d off of the subs, at home, so if this is what your left with, you can do it.
The subs are supposed to be tapered off of very, very, very slowly, but me as an addict, i wasn't very good at tapering so i just quit c/t. It sucked ***, but can be done! I went from 24mg to 0mg in about 1 1/2 weeks and was on subs for about 7 years.
First and foremost, its time to put the morphine down...you have to talk to your husband b/c you will need him to help u with the baby while u detox. You can do it at home, i did, and if u stop the morphine now, then you shouldnt detox off that as much as the subs, and i say this b/c you dont want to detox off of both!!! Do you have a regular dr that u could go speak to and maybe he can give you something to help with the w/d? I can tell you that you can w/d off of the subs, at home, so if this is what your left with, you can do it.
The subs are supposed to be tapered off of very, very, very slowly, but me as an addict, i wasn't very good at tapering so i just quit c/t. It sucked ***, but can be done! I went from 24mg to 0mg in about 1 1/2 weeks and was on subs for about 7 years.
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