getting clean is easy, staying clean is hard

[Pjtwenty]

I've heard that so many times on here. I will be honest and say I thought it was BS!  But I'm starting to understand it more. And it's true!

Driving around lastnight I thought about it a lot. The physical wds really do suk!  I don't wish that on anyone. But with my recent relapse and dealing with very mild physical wds I finally get it. I get it cause I'm proof number one. I was almost a year clean and life happened and since I truly did not take my addiction seriously enough, I lost.

It seems the more times I've relapsed the harder it has become mentally to fight!  This relapse has been short lived and mild usage of my DOC but it's weighing on me mentally. The cravings are INTENSE!  Like I've never experienced. But I do know I'm still ahead of the game so to speak. If I don't take this serious now I'll be in a real world of hurt in a few weeks.

I feel like I'm rambling but my point is to anyone going through this, please take the aftercare seriously!  You will think you are strong, and youare. But the ssecond you let your guard down it hits you. And before you know it your hooked again.

[DoubleInTrouble]

Great post, I'm 3 days clean from norco and alcohol, been struggling with alcohol since my teens, got sober for 5 years then got a hold of these devils candy (norco) 2 yrs ago , 8 months after starting that I started drinking slowly bcuz I thought I was ready to be able to control it(yea right ) now it's just really bad. I have tried quitting a few times but my anxiety and depression gets so bad I go back to drinking and then here I go getting some pills! I have always dealt with anxiety and panic attacks even while I was sober but no where like I do now, funny thing is if I take a half a norco which is the increments I took them throughout the day which added  up to 2-3 a day.
Anyways I was think I should go to a dr so I can do the Vivitrol injectable that's helps with cravings and lasts a month(non narcotic, no WD's ) and also a non narcotic anxiety or depression meds until I get myself use to living w/o alcohol or opiates (narcotics) any suggestions about it ?

[VICourageous]

AMEN!!! Grasshopper and SO true..lol

[dominosarah]

Thru the years i have learned also to never say never.  All we have is this day and just for today we make the right choice to stay clean~

[VICourageous]

Ha!! Yes indeed. When I came clean in Sept 2012 I too was hitting all the meetings. I learned all I could about this Disease and how it works in the Brain. I thought at that time that I would never use again. I had no cravings for a long time. It was not to long until I was pushing the fact that the "Detox is the easy part (hard) BUT staying clean is when the work really begins". I do not think it matters how much time we have in. If we do not use ALL the tools and do all the things we are suppose to be doing we are in big trouble.
It seems like most of us think when we are detoxing that we will never use again..Well I know for me as a long time user this is not so. After I had those 4 loses in the last 4 months this disease hit me hard. Every day I was looking for a easy way out after my Mom was the last to go. I became my worse enemy. I even UP my support.
2 Days ago I ran into a Addiction Dr. I was hurting bad. He explained to me why a Anxiety pill would be bad for me right now. He said even if I talk to the Grieving people it is not enough. The one thing I did not do right is keep gong to the meetings like I was. I was in mourning and could not leave my room..The BIGGEST thing was not to talk to my sponsor. I am in the process of a New one since mine has moved. And Friends who use..Yes even if you do not see them they still can be a Big trigger if you talk to them even over the phone. I too thought I was doing OK even after they were all deceased, but then out of no where came these awful carvings and really bad. This is a DISEASE and a BAD one. You have to really work hard not to use when Life does not go your way. When your Life is shattered all of a sudden. Support, Support, Talk, Talk, Vent and Vent. We have to have help. We really do have to do a BIG LIFE STYLE CHANGE, which I thought I did. Too some extent I did until my life came crashing down. It does not matter what it is..A Divorce, loosing a Job,your House is on fire. Any thing that is out of the norm can trigger us to run and hide on a substance because that what we did. Alot of us miss the energy. Well I did some changes on that one way back and excepted things getting done in baby steps. SO YES this is a Disease and we have to be really careful and keep working daily or we will end up in our own head again with that Pleasure Tape in the Brain playing it back again telling you to just have "One" for This reason or That. Keep your Armour on at all times against this beast. I wish everybody the best. PLEASE get Support before you fall down and have a he11 of a hard time getting back up..I came real close..lol
Bless

[Real180]

Great comments because for one they are SO TRUE and two - I needed to HEAR IT AGAIN!!! It's a struggle we all go through EVERY DAY... I find my self thinking more about using more now at 54 days than I did at 20 or 30 days.. It's a fight, but I said it before and I'll say it again -- AFTERCARE is the solution.. The thoughts of using will NEVER be out of my head and if I want to stay clean I need to stay in the rooms.. Great post and posts -- I hope all of the newcomers, old timers and everyone one in between reads this thread as it's always good to be reminded of how vaunderable WE are at all times and how important it is to be involved in some sort of aftercare to outfit us to fight our addiction ONE DAY AT A TIME!!! Thanks for posting this today!!!

[takingmylifeback2014]

Great Comment Sarah ... I agree I thought the physical was going to be the tough part as well, then my physical symtoms went away and the mental did not ... Infact is gets stranger everyday lol .... I definalty could not do this alone. We need support period. Whether it is A therapist, NA/AA, Church etc.
Mental withdrawl lingers and is by far worse then the physical.

[dominosarah]

I remember when i first came here, i too thought that once the pills were gone i was in the clear.  Boy was i mistaken.  I had posted how well i was feeling and at that point i felt i had the world by the arse....the comments i got were not what i was expecting to hear!  That is when i learned about the Pink Cloud.  I decided then and there to listen to what they were telling me.  I dove into aftercare and it has literally saved my life.  I put my pride aside, kept my Guard Up(thank you addict3), surrounded myself with clean sober people and started dealing with my demons.  Recovery is a slow process and needs to be but it is so worth it.  I didnt have time to be sick anymore so i made the time to get well~

[motye51]

I absolutely hear you loud and clear. I thought the physical part was going to be the hardest, but no, its the head games our addicted brains play with us afterwards that are the real pain in the ***! If I wasn't going to n/a, I don't know that I would still be here, clean? It's a lot harder than I thought!

[jugglin]

It's hard for non-addicts to understand.  Yes, beginning the journey it was all about the fear of quitting and the physical WD's....how to get through the sleepless nights, the rls, the stomach problems, the lack of energy.  Those are very real concerns, but are also very doable.  It is how we deal with the fear...the losing our DOC crutch that helped us get thru each day. The mental crept back in and hit me over the head like a two by four.  That is when that statement "...staying clean is hard" became as clear as crystal. Thank you for reminding us that regardless of our journey, we are addicts and need to be aware and seek support for our addiction regardless of where we are in clean time.

[WalkTall]

Once addicted, always addicted.  It's a cruel disease, for sure.  The opiates are irresistible to most of us, until our will to quit is stronger than the compulsion to use.  Mere access to the pills (just having them around) would likely be too tempting for me, in spite of my 9-months clean and my intense resolve to quit forever. You're so right - aftercare is essential, so that we remember to keep our guard up and stay aware of the constant danger.