tramadol_torture

[CrystalClear__]

I've been addicted to tramadol for 4 years, it started from knee pain, so my Dr put me on 50mgs of ultram 3 times a day, over the course of time, i started to abuse the drug, taking more than i needed, it went from 3 a day, to 6 a day, to 9 a day, to 12 A day and now i can take 15 AT ONE TIME!!!! I'm ashamed of myself, ive never been addicted to anything before and now at the age of 33 im hopeless!! I want help but dont know how to get it. Im scared to tell my Dr because i kno he will take them off of me, i havent went one day without them in four years (2 of the yrs being severe) and now im all out and cant get a hold of any, IM TERRIFIED!!! Idk what to do! Is there anyone who will help me?? :’-( any suggestions will be appreciated! Thank you in advance!

[FourJays]

Hey Crystal - first off - you are NOT alone!  And please don't feel ashamed; you did not choose for this to happen.  Tramadol is a very sneaky and seemingly 'innocent' drug that is extremely habit forming and builds tolerance fast.  There are many people that have fallen victim.  Are you getting these from a doctor's script?  You mentioned online ordering, but you are not getting them this way anymore, correct?  I do think that rehab would be an excellent option for you; but I also understand what you are saying about places not considering Tramadol to be 'worthy' (for lack of a better word), because it's non-addictive, etc.  I do believe this IS starting to change though.  Have you called around or looked in to any rehab facilities in your area?  What about the doctor that is prescribing them; can you get in to see him and talk about this?  You are very smart to realize that you are headed nowhere with these pills.  Please don't lose hope - you can do this.  I already told you the amount of time and doses of this med I was taking.  It was not easy but I did it and so can you.  I felt exactly like you do right now; but trust me - it can be done.  

[CrystalClear__]

Thx for the responses guys, Im really taking it all in, they are all appreciated. FourJays, thank you, you're responses  are really helpful and motivating, I often think about admitting myself in a rehabilitation center, but u know what, ppl think tramadol is not addictive, which it is, however, do ppl really go to rehab for just a tramadol addiction? I think they will look at me like im stupid or something, because when they read up on the drug it says NON HABIT FORMING, or because its SIMILIAR to a narcotic and not an actual narcotic. I just dont think the whole "tapering" thing will work for me, This drug has made me weak, its like im in love and just cant get enough, but i know i have to let go i just cant do it alone, i know whats right, i want to do the right thing so bad ( thats y im here ) but i cant, i was thinking maybe they can give me something to substitute the trams so i can stop taking them, but on the other hand, y would they give me something stronger than my actual DOC, i guess the only way is the tapering, its just SO HARD, what do you think FourJays??? Im my own worst enemy, because if i know they are available im constantly chasing it, noone knows about my issue other than my boyfriend, and God love him, he's so understanding about it and never judges me, im just very good at hiding it because im ashamed of myself, im so lost, i just feel like im all alone on a dark road going further into destruction, i want to turn around and find the lights and "main roads" but its pulling me in deeper and deeper, because i havent let it go yet, where do i go from here? who can i turn to? I need help before this drug becomes the death of me, it already killed my soul, and my inner spirituality, now its killing me physically, with and without it, smh please help me, someone, anyone!!!!!!! Lost in Ohio

[Jbean77]

Since you are getting a script from your doc I would definitely just tell him what's going on. Honestly, if he/she thinks that by only giving you 90/month (even if you WEREN'T getting extra) that you wouldn't become dependent on them then they need to learn how addictive this drug is!! Your doctor is likely to understand that you need help tapering this med. I told my doctor (I had been taking only my Rx (with occ. extra from my husbands Rx but mostly just my own) ) and he totally knew I had become dependent on the med. he offered me a general taper plan without his "rushing" it because he said if he did push to rush it that it would just make it more stressful for me to do. I've been tapering, slightly different & slightly faster, than what he suggested. I honestly think, and I think others would agree that the best bet is to get your doc involved. You may have have to swallow your pride to come clean, but with as nasty and tempting as this drug is, you are gonna need assistance and someone to hold you accountable.

[FourJays]

Hi Crystal - don't be so hard on yourself!  Tramadol is very hard to come off of; when it sinks in and takes control it does NOT let go easy; trust me, I completely understand.  But you CAN do this if you really want to.  Wanting it bad enough is key here.  You are going to have to take measures that are not comfortable - like telling your doctor.  Unless and until you do this, you will be running in this vicious circle forever.  When you are ready - Tell him.  Tell him that you have become addicted to them and what happens when you run out.  He can work with you on a taper plan that will help to minimize all the nasty physical and emotion symptoms you get every time you try to quit.  It is never going to be easy, there will be some discomfort no matter how/when you do this.  But if you stay on this path it will NOT lead to a good place.  The tolerance with Tramadol builds FAST.  You are going to start needing more and more just to keep the w/d's away, let alone any kind of "good" feeling.  If you still are getting that little high, it wont be for much longer.  I KNOW exactly how you feel right now; I was there many times.  I wish I would have stopped where you are now, but I didn't.  I let it go on way too long and because of that, lost many, many things; material things, friends, trust and respect or others and myself, thousands of $, and almost my life - 4 times.  I have been clean for 6 months and I actually feel really good; but I have paid a very high price in many ways.  You can stop this madness now and get this poison out of your life - because that is what tramadol is - POISON!!!  But you have to be ready; I mean really ready.  Please think about this.  You are SO fortunate to have found this place now; before you start your journey to get clean.  I didn't until I was already a month off the tram - and it has saved my life.  I swear that ANGELS truly exist here.  We cannot do it for you, but we can be with you and support you every single step of the way; and it really can be the difference that can change your life forever.  When you are ready - we are here!  

[ariley13]

It sounds like you really need to cut your ties. Tell your dr what's going on. Cut ties with your 'friends' that may be giving you pills. Delete all numbers from your phone. I know that it is very hard and scary to do this but it will be necessary. It's just to easy in a weak moment for us to go right back to doing the same old thing. Don't beat yourself up over this slip up. Just get up and keep moving forward. It's not a mistake if you are able to learn something from it. Also maybe think about some aftercare such as counseling, AA/NA. That will also help you to be prepared when cravings hit. It really sound like you're ready for a change! Keep moving forward! You can do this and we are here for you!

[CrystalClear__]

Hi guys, thank you all for the responses, they mean alot to me, UNFORTUNATELY I got my hands on sum tramadol, and i took them, i couldnt stand the torture, im so embarrassed, i always considered myself to be one of the stronger willed but this drug is just whipping my *** majorly, it is controlling me and i CAN'T STAND IT!!!!!!!! There is no way i can do this alone, i get 90 pills a month from my doctor (who wont give me more because he doesnt want me to become "addicted") and the rest of the time im purchasing them from other ppl, for a while i was even buying them ONLINE, but they wont ship to Ohio anymore so thats that. It seems like when im all out and cant find none is when i want to quit and seek help, but when everythings all good i just put that thought in the back of my head and leave it there, lingering!! As i lay here in bed reading these responses, im fantasizing myself living a normal life, then i quickly come back to reality and ive gotten very emotional, tears are rolling down my cheeks, i dont want this kinda life and im drowning in self pity, i think, idk, i just dont know anymore!! I'm living in misery is all i do know. Someone said take "Imodium" for withdrawls, like 15 or 20, of course im terrified to do that but desperate times call for desperate measures, i just wish i would of never been placed on this drug, and i wish i could do this successfully without any problems because im sick of it controlling me!! Smh, I JUST WANT TO BE NORMAL AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Tears)

[L_Lady]

I'm goimg to repeat what everyone else said...it's best that you go to your doctor.   There are real risks involved in cold turkeying tramadol.  
You've definitely come to the right place ...there are people here who took tramadol for years and are completely clean...and are SO encouraging.  
I really suggest loading up on potassium and magnesium supplements (or start eating bananas), but epsom salt bath, plan and start a cardio workout if you don't already,  as well as other suggestions you'll find around medhelp.  You CAN do this.  And in the end you'll be so happy you did.

[shugalug]

That Tram is a NASTY, evil drug! It messes up your serotonin levels in your brain, makes you anxious, depressed, sick. It's so addictive, that you have to take more & more, as your body wants it badly. It's not your fault that you took more than prescribed. It's the nature of this drug, and before we know it, we're in BIG trouble with it. Withdrawing is HELL in itself too, but since you've been on such a high dose, I wouldn't try to go cold turkey. If your doc has any knowledge of how this works on the neurotransmitters in the brain, he'll know not to make you stop it suddenly, as the very real danger of convulsions is there. Hopefully, he can work out a tape plan, even give you a substitute med that is non-addictive, to help with your reason for having Tramadol in the first place. I suffered terribly with this drug. My anxiety was unbelievable! I weaned off over 2 weeks, and it was no picnic. I took lots of Vitamin B complex (nerve nutrients), magnesium (calming mineral), herbs for calming such as valerian, hops, passionflower, lavender, and drank heaps of a tea made from these dried herbs, except the valerian, which I took in capsule form. I was also weaning off valium at the time, but luckily got that sorted out with my psych, and she upped the dose while I got off tramadol. It didn't really help, as my body just wanted more valium then, and so on & on it goes... I decided to just stop tramadol ct, as weaning was worse for me, but I was one of the lucky ones and didn't have any problems, probably because I was on valium, plus some other pain meds & anti-deps. Am weaning off valium now, but that's nothing to do with this topic. Talk with doc. You will find great relief in admitting how you abused the drug. He would've seen many patients do the very same, so he WILL help you with this. If not, find another doc. You can't do this on your own. It's too horrific to go through all alone. Don't put yourself through this, and don't blame yourself! I really feel for you, as I remember feeling the same and know it's a nightmare! YOU CAN BEAT THIS!!! You'll be amazed at how good life can be when you're off this mind & soul-destroying drug. I feel so free at last, even happy, in spite of pain, but I'd rather have physical pain any day, than the mental pain & anguish this drug causes!

[Jbean77]

Welcome crystal clear. I am currently tapering off of tram & it's a tricky road. I totally agree with the above posts...you really should tell your doc. You need to taper off of these, especially at that level. If you can't tell or get in touch with your doc, you could tell the ER- they could possibly help you too.

[hydro_fool]

I agree with BluCrystal.   I just met with my doc and confessed everything.  He is completely cooperating and we are cutting my doses several days at a time.  You can do this!   Telling your doctor is such a relief!  It will feel amazing after you leave the office.  A weight will be lifted!   I was completely ashamed and embarrassed but I just went and did it anyway.  It's definitely not as embarrassing as being crippled by this Devil drug so PLEASE go to your doc and get started right away.  You can do this and the people here will walk you through it.  You are in great hands!  So happy you want to get better.  Bravo!

[BluCrystal]

Gracious!  You should tell your doctor.  He will not just take them from you cold-turkey if he knows what he is doing.  He will allow you small amounts, and the pharmacy will refuse to refill unless doc says its okay.  He will continue to give you smaller and smaller amounts, until he decides that you no longer need any.  During this time, seek drug addiction treatment: you will need this.  God Bless - Blu

[FourJays]

Hi Crystal and welcome....first, please don't be ashamed; I'm sure you did not choose to become addicted like this.  I took Tramadol too for 15 years and at the end was taking more than you are now.  I have been clean for 6 months.  If I can do it, you can!  I do agree with atthebeach, the best way to do this is be honest with your doctor and come up with a taper plan.  Is this possible?  Have you been getting them by a doctor's prescription?  Please don't be afraid; this can be done.  You have come to the right place - there are lots of caring people here that will support you through this process.  You can do this!

[atthebeach]

Hun you need to be completely honest with your doctor going cold turkey and stopping from taking 15 at a time is very dangerous you can have seizures. How are you feeling?
Were you getting them all from a pharmacy?
The safest way to get off trams is to taper.