how do you help someone who runs from it?

[LostKel]

Hello everyone I'm a 20 year old single mom and I have had people with addictions threw out my life, in fact my mother delt with pain pill addiction since I was a child and I took care of her all through my life. I guess it became easy for me to deal with her addiction but then at the young age of 16 I thought and still sometimes think that I meet the love of my life I later found out that he was also an addict, when we got together i told him I wanted no part of drugs since they have made it really hard on me to cope with life and he agreed that he would not do them that is untill like everyone else i know, he ran back to them the first chance he got. My daughter was born I thought that everything would be better untill he needed some form of drug to cope he started to abuse me and actually put me in the hospital for three days when he could not get the drugs he needed. A while later he called me up saying that he was shooting up I didnt know what to do so I took me and the baby away from him for a year and then his mom died I felt the guilt of not letting her see the baby so I went to the funeral and there he was again the love of my life was sitting there and all the feelings came back so I took him back into our lives he was doing amazing at first it was the family that I always had in my dreams that was until he ran into his ex who took him back and got him on the drugs again. She left him about three days later for a dealer and now I have reason to belive he is hooked yet again then when she left him he found out about the hep c that she had and he got tested and he was positive for it. Now he is lost again and I feel hopeless I do not have hep c and I am thankful for that, I've never done drugs so I dont know how to help him and my moms addiction to pain pills was nothing like this. It hurts everyday to wake up waiting for a phone call to hear that he is dead or to hear my 2 year old little girl ask for her father. I want to help him I need to help him. So if someone out there could give me some advice I would be more the welling to take it. Thank you

[misstheoldher]

I know how you feel.. its very scary and im going through it with my sister! hang in there

[LostKel]

Thank you all, I understand where you guys are comming from I just wish that there was something I could do to get him back I feel like I am falling apart when he is not around. My daughter has been acting up since he has been gone and I cant even get a hold of him now. I'm scared that I am going to get a phone call saying that he is dead or in the hospital. I just hate to see him hurt.

[fedupinmt]

I'm sorry that your going through this but I agree with the other folks, if he doesn't want to quit, you can't change him. Yea I know he says he does,  but he's the one that has to do the work not you. I know this from my experience when I was married to my 1st husband @ 20 yrs old. He would quit and then start this went on for the 4 years we were together. Finally I took our son and left, as far as I know he still does the drugs. You have to take care of yourself and your daughter.  Who knows you might meet your Knight in Shining Armor when you've chosen to take care of your self. I did, have been married 15 yrs to a wonderful man. As for letting him see his daughter that has to be his choice, if he straightens out and wants to see her, let him get a lawyer to get visition rights. Sorry if I sound  so unsympathic to the man but its just that i've been there and you cannot change anyone that does not want to better themselves. I wish you the best in what ever you decide but please take care of yourself and that baby girl first and formost. tab

[beatingthis]

Sorry to say you can't unles he wants help. He has to want to do it.

Terry

[allaboutmary]

So sorry your going through this. Us addicts so often hurts the ones we love. The thing is..... there is nothing you can do for him unless he really wants to get off them. The best thing is not to coddle or enable him.   Make sure you make you and your daughter your top priority. Actually my advise is to .....move on with your life. This man put you in the hospital. Who knows what could happen next time, he could hurt your daughter. I know this sounds cold but if he hurt you once the chances of it happening again are great.  Take care of you.