I am very new to this i just signed up today but reading other peoples experiences makes me feel like i have hope to get better, I really just want someone to listen and someone be there for me, either way this is a good way for me to vent my feelings! Thank you for letting me do so!
Heres a little ditty on my deal,
1 1/2 years ago
as soon as i woke up i couldn't wait to peel my first pill, grind it and then sniff it. it felt like my daily routine. after doing about 80 mg for 1 year and then for 6 months doing 140 mg it definitely feels like the end needs to come. so for the last month and a half i have been cutting myself back and now i only do them on the weekends, and i probably do around 20-40 mg, but that is not stopping, im still doing them! i no longer really feel the physical with drawls but now i feel emotionally so messsedddddd up. i started doing oc's with my boyfriend it started getting bad after we moved in together, now im living back home because im back in college. whenever i talk about it with my boyfriend he always says its just in your head and he gets mad at me, he has been supporting my habit paying and getting them, he tells me how horrible he feels for getting me like this (its not his fault) and asks me not to ask him for anything and i still do! i still want them even after he tells me to stop! I feel like such a fean sometimes but i dont know if he understands how hard it is! I cry all the time for no reason, I get so depressed sometimes, and I feel like I have no life, only when im doing pills. This is not so easy to kick, its hard. i still feel like i'm all alone. I really can't talk about it with anyone because i am disgusted by my habit. I don't know how I let myself get like this. These things have taken over my life, it feels like. I really just want to see if anyone has ever been in my situation because i feel like im alone and im the only one going threw this (meaning, emotions, and still wanting) I dont know if anyone knows anything good to help get rid of the cravings or will i just be stuck with that, i got myself into this so i really hope i can get myself out! also if anyone has anything good they did to help time pass will getting over these?
I really appreciate anyones feed-back and letting me vent! It feels nice. thank you for taking them time too look at this and talk!