im about 2 months clean n keep having suicidal thought?

[keystock]

I'm about 2 months clean n keep having these weird visions of killing myself is this normal? What is going on am I alone on this? I have 2 kids n wouldn't do it...I don't think but this is freakin me out?? Hydros was my doc n I took them 4 5yrs

[mama23babies]

Just wanted to put my 2 cents in and say that I too had suicidal thoughts when I quit my DOC. I had major anxiety and panic attacks that was very depressing. They tried me on several different anti -d's and they all made the anxiety and depression way worse. It will get better it all just takes time. I'm not saying that I don't still have bad days but they get better and you will have more normal days as time goes by. I would say give it a few more months unless it gets really bad. Your brain chemistry needs time to get back to normal. I am 6 months clean other than using for a hysterectomy just recently. I thought I was going down the road of addiction again and stopped before it became a problem again with the support of this forum. Give yoursefl time to feel all of your emotions return even the bad but don't let the suicidal thoughts get out of hand. You have lots of support here.

[keystock]

I just had an appifany...both my grandmothers and one of my grandfathers were codine addicts my mom is a methadone addict my dad is a frunk stoner and my other grandfather wasn't an addict of any kind but did commity suicide. So by being the only non addict that's living I'm really defying the odds.....just a weird thought I had while driving

[keystock]

I found the # for na in my area 2 I'm scared 2 go though

[dominosarah]

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!! 25 minutes is awesome!!  Sitting and suffering is not easier girl.  Keep going on that tread mill.  Remember you gotta get those feel goods feeling good again!!!  Tomorrow we go for 30 minutes~~~~sara

[keystock]

Did 25 minutes of angry "I'm better then these pills" walking on the treadmill I've heard of people who have family and friends who push them and wish I had someone 2 come over 2 my house and cattle prod me to move but maybe since I forced myself I'll have some sense of self accomplishment.....sitting and suffering is much easier though but I know I shouldn't

[keystock]

Not yet I can't get in until the 8th :( I'm gonna try n get on the treadmill tonight

[dominosarah]

Jump on that treadmill and start moving.  Gotta get your feel goods a movin!!!  Have you been to the doctor yet?  Stay strong girl, your doing really good!!      sara

[keystock]

No I never had those thoughts while I was using. Its only been since I quit and its only happened twice in the last few months when my hormones changed and only lasted a few hours the first time and all day the other day. And it seems to go as quick as it came. Of course then I have anxiety that its gonna happen again.

[Calamity2]

Did you have suicideal thoughts when you were using?  Are you taking any meds today?  If you really think you may kill yourself, dont.  Call and get help. There are so many reasons to live.  Hey pretend I'm your sponsor!  Go write a list of 30 reasons to live. If you start to think of it again write 30 more. Take your children swimming and soak in the hot tub.  Take a hike.  Dont entertain those dead thoughts you are going to get through this. It takes at LEAST 90 days for your brain fog to lift higher.

[dominosarah]

Please keep us posted.........sara

[madcapo12]

i feel ya............

[keystock]

Thanks Joey...I recently got a treadmill and I can't seem to find the motevation to do ANYTHING :( I did talk 2 my dr today and they have an appt for me to come talk about antidepresants....I really don't want to take any "drugs" but I guess its better then the hydros or the suicidal thoughts....I hate hydros soooo much after all of this I certainly won't touch them again ever 4 any reason

[Joey1742]

Hi keystock congratulations on getting clean that's the easy part done. I was lucky when I got clean I went straight into sports and it helped tremendously when you give up using after long term use it takes around a year for your natural endorphines to get back to normal. This is what gives you your natural highs it's your feel good factor if you like. Doing sport or excercise speeds up the healing, also diet very important crucial in fact you need to experiment, get all the good foods you can keep a diary. Try one type of food for a week if you get energy and feel good from it keep it in your diet if you feel drained or sad strike that type. Keep going like that you need to find your own diet though because what works for one person doesn't mean it will work for the next. If you can do this and excercise also vitamins then your recovery will speed up and you will get there. Also Na would be great for you now they will totally understand what you are going  through and won't judge you. I hope this helps love Joey.

[keystock]

Ok I will google it tonight...I'm gonna call my doc on my lunch break n c if he'll see me. Thank u both

[avisg]

key look into this it may be part of the problem

Premenstrual dysphoric disorder or PMDD is a condition associated with severe emotional and physical problems that are linked closely to the menstrual cycle. Symptoms occur regularly in the second half of the cycle and end when menstruation begins or shortly thereafter. PMDD is not just a new name for premenstrual syndrome (PMS), a condition that affects as many as 75% of menstruating women. It is, however, considered to be a very severe form of PMS that affects about 5% of menstruating women. Both PMDD and PMS share symptoms in common that include depression, anxiety, tension, irritability and moodiness. What sets PMDD apart is its severity. Women with PMDD find that it has a very disruptive effect on their lives. Please read on to get more information about PMDD -- what it is, how it is diagnosed and how it is treated.

[keystock]

K....it seems 2 b RELLY bad when im due 4 a period like b4 I have it when my estrogen spikes??

[avisg]

Yup you need to talk to and go to your doctor asap don't put this off it will be ok but do see a doctor when you get clean your body both mentally and physically is out of wack.Sometimes we need alittle help ...let us know how are you doing

[keystock]

I lost my medical insurance last month n have been tryin 2 wait until feburary until I got new insurance 2 go is this a normal part of recovery?

[dominosarah]

You should really go and see your doctor and tell him what you are experiencing.  I know these thoughts are very scary.  Have you read about PAWS in the health pages?  Any aftercare?   Congrats on your clean time!!!    Make that call.........sara