im going to try to detox (anybody who is new to this or even long time clean HELP please im so scarred )

[gutsnglitter]

(i wonder if anyone is where im at or past withdrawal but still new please tell me how it was and how they did it i dont know if what happend today and medication i received is going to work)
i decided last night if im wanting this i should just do it, i was going to wait a bit and set a date but i just want to be clean now, i dont like the anticipation of dreading the withdrawal so i went to a detox this morning and they turned me away, they were full, and cant go back to try and get in till monday so i went to a doctor, one i didnt know so i could tell them everything and not feel so ashamed he said i must tell mine though...yeah we will see
so this doctor gave me diazapam i think i spelled that wrong and attivan and arthrotec i guess thats an anti inflammatory for my pain? who knows havnt looked it up yet.
so im gona do it, i gave the rest of my pills to a friend and told them i dont want to see them or pills again, he didnt seem to care about me ditching him.
so im starting this morning
Also someone asked in my post from yesterday if i get help for my anxiety,
i used to before all this became a problem but i haven't been going to my therapist for about a year and stopped taking my medication about a year ago as well because well i stopped going to my appointments and stopped getting prescriptions, when i take alot of oxy's i feel ok, not much anxiety so it was unnecessary to bother in my mind, at the time, i am going to start going again after im clean and i will tell them everything and see if they may be able to help with the addiction also.
i think with reading all the happy clean story's on here it will help me through the worst,
still have not felt like posting into anybody's other post's, still scarred i guess.
the people here seem nice but im shy and anxious and dont know how to get involved very well and i really wish i could,
i know it would be helpful to become involved but i dont want to stick my nose where it doesn't belong i guess,
i feel very strange right now i wish i could just be normal
i am sorry i may seem off, but honestly i have never felt fear like this before
i am so afraid and not just for the withdrawal but the staying away from these drugs for the future, if anyone has any thoughts or advise PLEASE i need it and anybody who is just starting and have days weeks even ahead of me, please talk to me i am desperate
ok well it took me 25 minutes to write this because i am so afraid and anxious and really want to just curl up and die i dont know if i can do this but i have never wanted to have anything more than this thank you for reading my depressed post here, i have no one to talk to so im really hope i can find someone here.....................  

[gutsnglitter]

i just found that out by my curser being on your name! lol

but i feel like a bother just by in boxing someone, i just feel like they are having there own problems why would they want to help with mine, but you are i guess but you wanted to i guess i just feel weird doing that,
nope i dont have n e one to hold them right now, but i dont think ill over do it on the diazepam, never been into those kinds of pills, just the down, but maybe it is a downer? i have no idea ill find out when i take one i guess, if it feels like i get a high off of them then im just going to take them back to shoppers maybe.... i really want this i really do

so am i going to start feeling like **** tonight? most likely hey? i think at around 7 ill try the  medication and try and sleep i am so scared of tomorrow just not have even 4 pills to start off with im going crazy thinking about it so ill probably come right here in the morning and try and post and read alot of others storys  

i want to thank you for all your support it means alot to me

[reallyneedhelp76]

ok just sent you your first inbox message look at your inbox top right side of screen and click on inbox!

[gnarly_1]

HI just thought I would check in on you it shouldv be starting to hit right about now and will progress threwout the night I will be on later between 10 and 12am mountain time if you need to talk hang in ther and be ready for some unpleasant changes to start to happen also remember attitude is everything....I will check back later.........Gnarly

[gutsnglitter]

i just got up sweating like a mofo! i took a diazapam thiny and i fell asleep, im upset i woke up :( i barfed as soon as i stood up and my tummy is hurting and im so shaky, i knew i wasn't going to feel good but i wasn't expecting feeling this crappy, i am going to go get a bottle of gatorade and some toast (if i can eat it even) and put on a movie and just chill maybe take an ativan i dont know ill wait a bit i think and take that before i try and sleep again. thank you gnarly_1 for checking up on me. i like it, that you and reallyneedhelp76 care so much it is very touching thank you 2 so much

[gnarly_1]

TIME to baton down the hatches roll up the sails and get ready fro the storm..... sorry to here your getting sick already try taking 1/2 glasses of water every 1/2hr or so if it gets really bad try 1oz of water every 15 min you got to stay hydrated one way or another if you cant your on your way to the e/r for an iv in a day so stay hydrated run a bath and soak it will realeave most of the other symptoms hang in there you will make it threw this just got to weather out the storm good luck and God bless.........Gnarly

[gutsnglitter]

thanks guy :)
yes it ***** alot but i know its only going to get worse so im trying to stay positive, which for me is not normal, but im tryin im going to go lay down again and get some rest then when the sun comes up ill go for a walk for some excersise and then ill try the bath thing, im just to tiered to do it now