kicked my son out on the street

[islandcat]

I'm new here. I am going through tough times with my 23 yr old son. He was jobless and took him in. He is addicted to oxy, percs and pretty much any type of pill. Did not know this.  He has good days where not sure he is taking anything as he will never admit to it. Then days on end where he is high and abusive to me. Then the days on end when he sleeps for 4 or 5 days straight, detoxing I guess. I have talked to drug counsellors to understand these drugs better. I have done everything I can to help him but he wont even admit to his habit let alone help himself.  I find pills everywhere and worry about my granddaughter finding them. Last nite did me in when I found out he had stolen from a friend, obviously to get money for more pills. I hate myself, it hurts so much to shut the door on him but I cant live like this anymore and am probably responsible for enabling by giving him a bed and food. It doesnt help that I have already lost a child and am always waiting for the call that he has overdosed again. Has anyone else been through this? Not sure this is where to post this but need to understand what is happening with him and these drugs.  I have to be strong because I know the phone calls and his tears to come home will start but cannot trust anything he says anymore.  Any advice would be very welcome.  

[dbdone]

I think when you kick your child out of the house - and stick to it, it's because you have had enough, don't know what else to do and can no longer stand by watching them self-destruct and tear the rest of the family apart.  At least that's what happened in my case - there was nothing left for me to do.  My son is now going to AA on his own accord.  I haven't seen him or talked to him in months.  I miss him and love him and pray that he's ok.  Sometimes that's all you can do.  Prayers for us all.

[ddhear]

I am going what you are going thru.  Our 20 year old son sounds just like yours.  I admire you for kicking him out.  We are on the verge of doing that too.  How are things for you today?

[rosepress275]

My son is 19, he has been smoking weed since he was 15 and now he does pills...Zannax, Valium, pain killers of any kind. We have enabled him with money, shelter, and kept bailing him out of situations, including getting arrested.  We have a 12 year old at home and did not want him to be exposed to the smell of weed from his room..(his clothes smelled and we thik he was hiding weed in his room). Enough was enough, he did not want help and we just didnt think it would become a problem and thought he would outgrow it.  We asked him to leave our home and he moved in with his grandpa.  It was fine until people were coming by his grandpas house, trying to look for our son and soon find out he was selling.  His grandpa only has use of one side of his body from a stroke so he didnt feel safe anymore in his own place so he asked our son to leave.  Well, I and his grandma felt bad for him, so we set him up in an apt.  He had a few jobs and we paid for his sell phone, grandma paid his insurance, and we helpeed give him furniture and food...you name it...we were class A enablers, but were hopeful that this move would make him grow up.

Not even 8 weeks into living there, he ad so many complaints about noise, that the landlord said one more complaint and he was out.  We learned he had 2 girls living with him that they later admitted he was hitting them and was mentally abusive.  His mood was changing and he was always angry.  He finally lost his job because of the drugs, and he lost his girlfriend and he got robbed at his apt from 3 friends he says and then he was about to lose his apt.  So again, we packed him up, brought him home once again with the promise he gos to counceling.  He agreed, but then once in, he kept putting it off....staying up all night, sleeping all morning.  My husband checked his phone and figured out he was selling drugs.  He would get texts al hours of the day and night.  This wasnt the worse part.  The first three days he was there, while my husband was at work, he would explode if I asked him questions....telling me to mind my own F_____ business and that I was a F______ B____.  His anger was out of control, I felt like a prisoner in my own home. My youngest son and I heard him actually in the bathroom "talking" to himself and answering...he was so out of control and upset.  I knew it was the drugs. He would leave for hours and when he came back, he would come through the door and say, "Hi Mom, whats up?" as if nothing happened.  He was Jekyl and Hide and I knew that this wasnt my son.  I was scared,never seen him this bad..I kept texting my husband at work,my husband felt helpless and couldnt concentrate on his work, he told me to leave him alone for now and go to my room and when he got home, he questioned my son and asked him about his behavior, he said he just wanted everyone to leave him the F___ alone.  He wanted to just lay around, eat our food, do his drugs. come and go as he pleased, not do any chores, and talk to us anyway he wanted to. We knew he would soon be out, but we had to see our options first. My 12 year old lived in fear when he got home from school, he would sit by me with his cell phone waiting to call 911 if he came to me to hit me.  We called a treament center and they said we can ask him he would come to the center with us for an a evualuation, and if he didnt, we could call our police dept and they could escort him there if he was out of control.

My husband called the police and they said they could not do anything unless he was harming himself or threatening to, which he wasnt, he did however confessed to wanting to kill the guy who stole his stuff, police said it didnt help, there was nothing they could do but help us escort hiom our of the house if we chose to make him leave.

Last night, after 3 days of him calling us the worse names we have ever heard, and the destruction of some of our own personal items in the house and the outbursts, my husband asked him one more time...will you go to the treatment center with me just to talk to them?  He said HELL NO, and then my husband said, that he needed him to leave our house.  HE called me a F_____ B____ again, told us that he hoped we rot in hell, and said that he couldnt count on his f_____ family.  We never heard him talk like this before.  My husband kept asking why the attitude was worse...we later found out that prolong pill pooping makes people manic, destructive, depressed and just out right mean...he dispalyed all of this.  We were in fear of him, and after many years of enabling him, he was out.  Many years ago, we threw him out only to worry about where he was, is he eating...the whole nine yards and foolishly we took him back in.,He stayed out in the woods sleeping and staying.  A counselor later told us that our mistake was in letting him back in..He said we should have left him in the woods....and that he was an addict.

It is Thursday morning and I dont know where my 19 year old boy is, the one I brought into the world and brought himn to church and tried to teach him to have respect for women, and people. We taught him right from wrong and we are a Christian family....people look at us as what kind of parents were we to have a son like this?  We did nothing.  It is all self afflicted and I pray and hope he realizes he has nothing and he will come home and ask for help.  It was the hardest thing to do, but if it was easy, they wouldnt call TOUGH love, tough.  My husband is upstairs so  out of it, so sadded by his actions, but we knew we couldnt continue to let him run our home.  Enabling only prelongs the addiction...I know we are doing the right thing.....but We love him so...We are so heartbroken. Grandma is so depressed over it, well, everybody is....all I have is hope, and prayer.  I know after reading many posts, we are not alone.

[Missingray]

What about the Mom whose daughter has been to rehab twice and won't go again. She has a 3 yr. old daughter that she runs from drug house to drug house. We're finally getting custody, but she can't live here now. I can't leave the house EVER with her alone in it. Shes stolen everything of any value in our home including clothes from her 19 yr old sister and myself. We are at our Witts end!!!!!!! Ive already lost a son to hanging who was addicted to Meth. Now she addicted to the same thing. I woke up the other morning to find a bag of crystal meth on my hallway floor!!!!!!!!! I hated kicking her out. I want to cry every second. But, really love them to death. Ya, that's exactly what I did to my son and it did end up in death!!!!!!!!!!

[MPerea63]

Hello, my son is 23 and has been in this Hell for almost four years. Thank you for your words of encourgment! I feel helpless, J is my only child and we are, were very close. This addiction has taken so much form us! It's VERY nice to hear that there is hope! Again thank you! J is currently in jail and is more than likely going to prison. I tell myself, at least he's alive and not doing harion. Stay clean stay positive!  MP

[MPerea63]

Hello, my son is 23 and has been in this Hell for almost four years. Thank you for your words of encourgment! I feel helpless, J is my only child and we are, were very close. This addiction has taken so much form us! It's VERY nice to hear that there is hope! Again thank you! J is currently in jail and is more than likely going to prison. I tell myself, at least he's alive and not doing harion. Stay clean stay positive!  MP