last day without and scared

[sad1258]

Have been taking Lortab 10 for 4 years.  3 months ago got kicked out of pain clinic...got caught getting them from primary doc and pm..stupid!  I have weened from last rx..have one more left. No one knows what I am going through..have no one to talk too...I am extremely sad, anxious and trying to act normal...will I ever feel like I want to live again?????  Please someone talk to me........

[jstntime]

Hey you guys,

Pretty proud of BOTH of you.

Think back to those first 2 days in a sweaty panicky mess thinking you are losing your mind!!!!  It HAS gotten better since then, perhaps only marginally but it IS better.  Keep that in mind, it will continue to get better.

I remember a time when I bought a new fridge and the door opened from the wrong side.  I kept putting off switching it for several months because that's what we men do when we don't feel like doing it!!!! ha ha  Anyway, it was still quite usable but it was a bit of a pain.  Eventually, I said THAT'S IT!!!!!  I changed it and it took me all of about 10 minutes to do it (for the months of struggling, bad deal!!!)

Well, for the next 2 weeks after switching it, EVERY single time I went to the fridge, I tried to open it from the wrong side, the side I had previously conditioned myself to open it from.  My point is this, we conditioned our behavior, we conditioned ourselves to take pills for a zillion different reasons whether they be in preparation for stressful situations or in reaction to them or for energy or for this or for that.  These behaviors were solidified over many months or years or decades.

You both (and me) are just literally days from trying to readjust this behavior.  We are still very much reaching for the wrong side of the fridge still.  It isn't going to change by tomorrow though we sure wish it would.  This is also the reason aftercare is so important for everybody so that we can learn new ways to deal with life without pills.  

To sum it up, keep keeping.  Yes my example is not NEARLY as important as the fight we are now fighting but it just shows that for something soooooo insignificant, it can be difficult to change.

Find the positives, you are both to be commended for your progress.  I am proud of you both and want you to know that you are both helping ME stay clean remembering what those first few weeks were like.

Please hang in there, you are doing an amazing job.  I haven't tried opening my fridge from the wrong side in a long time......so I believe THERE IS HOPE FOR US!!!!!!

bob

[sad1258]

I am so proud..6 hrs of work!!! you did it and you sound great!!  I am envious in a way I still feel stuck in the hole..I want friends to talk to and plan things with but through the years I isolated myself...anyway I will overcome!!  hungry? that's great...good sign!!  I wish you were here now for that cup of coffee...I would probably settle for tea, though..don't need anything else to make me jittery..I think I have had enough of that to last me the rest of my life..I know what you mean about the pill..I made myself clean out the frig...hating it the whole time...believe it or not I used to enjoy housework...take a pill and clean for hours...I have actually stopped walking to my hiding place to get one though...keep it up and enjoy the rest of your day..one minute I go forward and the next I am back again....still pushing through it...gotta get up and move...
OK MOM309-tramahater-Dav125-sunshine-gnarly-jstntime-quitinoxys-want2bme and everybody else out there too.... we need you don't leave us!!!

[Cantdothisanymore]

you are welcome and i expect the same kick when appropriate.  we have kinda latched on to each other here like life support. i dont know about you but it damn sure is helping me. i like to think the next time i am out that way visiing it will be sober and you and i can go have a CUP OF COFFEE for a little perk cuz that will be all we need.  

[sad1258]

thank you for the kick in the butt...I know I will do this..going back is not an option..yes I do think back to last monday at this time I was a WRECK...I do feel stronger now..we will keep going..this fight is so hard....you doing better today?  I know working has got to help...I work for school system so I have a few weeks yet...is good in a way but I really need that to keep my mind on something else..hang in there girl!!!we almost have another day under the belt...sending hugs!!!

[Cantdothisanymore]

day 10 sad and I am better. you will be too. the cravings and lack of energy are the wrost part. we cannot dwell or we drive ourselves crazy. remember - you said you will save 600 to 800 a month. dwell on that. you will fee better i promise promise promise!  this is H..,..A.....R....D.  the hardest thing i have ever done but I cant afford it anymore. the dr seeking - the script seeking from friends the damage to my kids lives all of it! dwell on how miserable you were when you were out? do you want that frantic feeling all the time or just the next few days?  stay with me sister. if i have to come to GA to kick your butt id have to visit family there that i dont want to see!  get on my bandwagon lady

[sad1258]

physically feeling better..emotionally and mentally are killing me...want to crawl in a hole and die!!!  overwhelmed! I know I am being impatient..having a hard time just looking at today...my thoughts travel.ie.to the future how am I going continue being a mom strong for my children friends..work..planning family functions feeling like this..not being able to handle simple things now...is this a typical thought pattern..did anybody else feel like this...my husband says but you won't feel like this in 3 months...is he right..because right now I don't believe any of it.....God help me..it is starting again!!!!!!!!!