partners of addicts..

[sunshine1784]

will the trust come back? how do you let go of all the hurtful things done in the past?

[Addict63]

No outsiders bothered me in my case because it's my teenager I'm relating about, who is now a young adult with 7 years clean (after 6 treatment centers). You and I are still in the same boat though. It's a loved one in our life who's addicted. They will always be addicted sunshine.

In Al-anon we don't give advice, we only share what worked in our life. We see it working in other people at the tables also.

Here's a story I know on a real personal level: A woman wasn't an addict herself, but she always fell for chaos and chaotic men in her life. (some people actually feel life isn't real life unless chaos is involved on a daily basis) After 2 kids and 3 divorces she came to Al-anon because she found she kept falling for the exact same type of guy all the time. She had to change herself, the co-dependent person, who was always looking for someone else to fix. She found that nobody else but her, could work on her, and NOBODY could change her men. For sure. She's now and entirely different person with a healthy outlook and relationship.

When properly worked, with no corners cut, these various 12-step programs some of us speak of in these forums change us. That's a for sure thing. We develop a new outlook on life. We begin to see things differently. The programs do for us, what we could not do for ourselves.

[Rich99]

If your partner were suffering from heart disease would you feel the same way?   If your partner were suffering from ALS (Lou Gehrig disease),  would you feel the same way.   Or cancer?    The point is...addiction is a disease,  a brain chemical disease that requires just as much support as any other disease,

[sunshine1784]

Thank you for those encouraging words. Its hard b/c I didn't know he was an addict until after we separated. We broke up b/c of his crazy behavior! I thought he was bipolar or schizo. He was super paranoid, jealous, irritable, moody, etc. A month after the break up he contacted me and told me. We still fought b/c he wasn't getting help. He always thinks he can do everything by himself. Today is he clean 6 days with the help of suboxone. I have been healing and working on myself and doing what I need to do for me. He has now contacted me since his treatment and its just hard to give in and go back to him after everything. I have forgiven him for everything and I understand now why he acted the way he did...but I'm just scared itll happen again.

I know I need to keep doing what I'm doing for myself and just be his friend for now. I just know its going to be hard for everyone else in my life to accept him and trust him...esp when I don't fully trust him.

Did you have to deal with outsiders--like fam and friends-- trying to protect you? No one really understands...

[mikchez]

Looks like some great advise from addict63 Thank you
I feel thats why the steps are there for me was to get rid of all those past issues and clear the way to just move on  with recovery for both addicts and al-anon's Thanks for posting
Peace/Love

[Addict63]

I belong to al-anon. My loved one hurt me horribly. The Al-anon program asked "what about you? Who's taking care of you and looking after you? If you're always in your loved-one's head, trying to figure out their thinking, then you aren't spending time working on you, and trying to repair the damage that's been done to you. You aren't working on getting your life back." They taught me to release my loved-one to a power greater than the both of us and take care of me. Today my loved-one is doing okay. I now trust them to each new day. I concentrate staying in the now. If I keep one foot in the past and one foot in the future, I'm ruining today, and the relationship we have with each other today.

If everything is good between you and your loved-one right now, relax and enjoy the moment. A bad tomorrow may never come again.