so lost...

[brokenmomma]

I have detoxed and stayed clean b4...but relaped on harder opiated. I do have real injuries and need meds, but i need my life back more. I am a single mom of two and have no family support. I haveto do this on my own, in secret from family, there are no friends left around me. I have been attempting to detox lately but these last few rounds that I have failed at actually are scarring me deeply. I have successfully detoxed off of percs, and stayed clean for a long time. but now i am on as many 80mg oxy's and add another handful of percs on top. I am very worried that medically my heart will stop or i will stop breathing while detoxing and my children will find me dead. I get the percs liget from doc, but when thos stopped working for pain i looked elsewhere for oxy's when he would not give me them. I am going to see him this week and i want to confess to him what i am taking and ask him to help me taper off the oxy's (which he does not know i am on). I am so scarred...i keep changing my mind every few hours as what i will do....tell him and ask for help....or not tell him and try to get more percs...i dont know. I hate being a slave to this drug. but I have been without and i dont "live" without them either. i don't even know what my question is....i am just crying my eyes out right now and so sick....someone help me....how do you do this alone?

[brokenmomma]

thank you for talking to me, Tapering is what I would like...that is how he and I delt with getting off percs last year b4 a 7 week treatment center. but when i got out, stayed clean, went back on them, he made me sign an "opiate contract". it is a promise to never get meds illegally or give them illegally. in order to detox safely, I have t admit to him that I in fact have been getting very strong oxy's on top of the percs he gives me. I am so mad at myself for disappointing him. and I just dont know if he is going to believe how close to death i feel when I try stopping cold turkey. its  a million times worse than coming off just percs. what i mean is, why would he believe a loser addict like me when i tell him i need a prx to help me taper off something i have been lying about...ya know...? i know you dont have the answer to what he will do...i am just scared of laying out my cards and then having him not only hete me, but also take away my percs and then I am really in for it....I was committed last year by my family and held for 30 days AFTER i did treatment, for suicidal thoughts.....i feel like i am playing russian ruolette if I tell him everything. Going to treatment and then the hospital last year ruined my home life. My family took over my house, spent all of my savings, stole thousands of dollars worth of items, their friends moved into my garage, two others moved into my house...it was a terrible situation and it set me up for failer and relapse when I came out. So i am so scarred to let the family know whats going on and going to treatment is out of the question. :( I have tried to go to NA in my town but it  is all screwed up here, they change the meeting place all the time, so i have gotten all pumped to go and i get there and the door is locked, very discouraging. I have initiated seeing my concealer and i am signed up to me a psychiatric but I feel like i cannot tell them whats really going on because of the illiagal aspect.  As well as I am scared to death of being locked up again for being too sad. I am drowning....

[just20]

im sorry to post on your forum but my account wont allow me to post a comment of my own

Hello all,

I am very hesitant to post on this forum but i figured i would give it a shot. I used roxy 30 mgs for about 2 years and decided to stop this past July. The withdrawal symptoms were absolutely horrific. I had everything that i saw you get from withdrawing. I had the sweats, diarrhea(bad), restless leg syndrome(bad), lack of sleep(lasted roughly 2 weeks), chills, aches, lack of appetite, weakness, etc. I told my mom and thankfully she is a wonderful mother who helped me get through it all and i lasted about 2 months and change without using. I felt great!! I was myself again and i never felt more accomplished and happy in my life. 2 weeks ago, i made the awful mistake of picking up some roxys again...throughout my entire abuse i NEVER did more then 30 mgs a day. The reason behind that was that i wanted to conserve them as much as i could so i didnt have to worry about finding them again. So again, 2 weeks ago i decided to pick up and ive been using them again...yesterday i told my mother exactly what i just told this forum and she is on board to support me again. Sometimes people need more then one kick in the butt to beat something and i know now that i want absolutely nothing to do with this stupid drug. I know i can beat it again and this time, beat it for good. Honestly, im just on this forum looking for support and maybe some pointers. Ive been taking One-A-Day mens multi vitamin and hot baths are the best things ever. Since ive only abused them for 2 weeks and being clean for 2 months and change how long should the withdrawals last??? thank you again for whoever replies i thoroughly appreciate it.

[dominosarah]

I would talk with your doctor and tell him exactly what is going on.  He can help you taper down.  You will feel so much better once you tell your secret.  You dont have to be a prisoner to these pills anymore~

[snowflake24]

oh, hon, you can do this,,,,you need lots of support, na meetings, and wewill give you a lot of support on this sight,,,,,,,,,can you being tapering down? Is that a option?