so ashamed

[Shauna13]

Im still not sure if im getting this in the right spot but...i have been taking tramadol four over four years for acute,muscle spasms in my neck and shoulder. The last year or so i have been making excuses as to why i need my refil sooner; vacation,etc. The truth is i cant physically or mentally function without them. The dose is 200mg slow release but i dont remember the last time i actually swallowed one whole. I am a mom of an 18 yr old son and a 13 yr old daughter. I have a very loving supportive husband who would do anything for our family, he is such a hard worker...he works out of town through the week and most saturdays so we dont have alot of time together. My work has me working many weekends whuch makes it even more difficult. Thekids and i are very busy amd the thought of not taking my pills sends me into a depression, im certain i wont function. I do get down alot, as it is, bein on my own the majority of time, and count on my tramadol to pick me up. My husband has no idea of any of this, i know he would be supportive but i just cant....im so ashamed of myself. I dont remember what normal feels like. I am here hoping for support thrpugh this. I want to be a normal functioning person again. Last summer i got off them for just over a month. Why didnt i just keep going? I have a prescription for gabapentin....does anyone think this will help with th wd nerve pain. Today i have one 200mg slow release pill left.  Script cant be filled for ten days. Do i split it in four. Take it whole. Take none of it? Any help is so appreciated. I feel,like im on an island alone.

[Shauna13]

I also have tylenol 2. Used for breakthrough pain. Ugh. There it is. But so far today i have only taken gabepentin, as directed. The one tramadol and the bottle of tylenol are in my purse. Seriously....do i just toss them? Im so unsure, but i will say, i havent had a wd symptom yet that is unmanageable and my last tramadol dose was half a 200mg slow release at noon yesterday....i normally would have more physical symptoms by now....maybe the gabapentin is playing a role?

[snakejones]

Oh, honey, I'm sorry--I wouldn't hurt you for all the world, except this is a matter of life and death. I'm an RN and seen many seizures. (Yes, shameful as it is, doctors, nurses, and other medical professionals abuse tramadol, me included.) And a few, if they hadn't been in the hospital already, would have died, simple as that. You have too much to live for with that loving family. Don't make them bury you due to a tramadol seizure.
I hope you will not fill that prescription----however, you alone must decide that. But most importantly, I hope you will stick with us for the next 10 days while you detox. There's someone to talk to 24/7 here, and this is a close-knit group. We've been through hell together. Our kind of insight is the real thing, born out of pain. Our sympathy really means something, as does our scoldings when warranted! Don't be ashamed--that's one of the strongest triggers to use/abuse your drug of choice. Just stay with us and give the forum a try. I wish you health and happiness---Margaret

[Shauna13]

Im a blubbering fool right now, Margaret lol. Your words really hit home. So, you yourself used tramadol? How long since you last did? Any words of advice while i ugh....detox....i cant believe im speaking abot myself using the word detox...reality sure is kicking my butt. I am a developmental support worker, and i really need to keep positive and energetic, not just for my family, but the people i support. It feels so strange reaching out for help, i am a caregiver by nature, by trade, so this is all excruciatingly difficult and painful. I still dont know what to do about that one last pill sitting alone in its bottle in my purse....oh and the tylenol 2's...thank you again

[snakejones]

Shauna, I have to go out for awhile--I will write to you later this evening. Please keep posting this afternoon, because it will help us to know you better. I'll read those posts before I write to you tonight. Hang in there sweetie!  xox

[Shauna13]

Thank you

[Shauna13]

I too have to get ready to head out for a few hours...hoping to continue to avoid taking that last pill.  Havent been addicted to anything before, but it might beworth noting I have a long history in family of alcoholics, going back generations. I guess im not as different from my family as i like to believe. Same, only different. Dont get me wrong, im not disrespecting my family, i guess part of me always has thought aha! It didnt get me...the alcoholism. I used to be a energy filled positive, uplifting person. I still am, but now i dont believe i can be without the stupid pills. I cant remember what normal feels like. Im not even afraid of the pain for which the drug was prescribed anymore. I just want to be me. Opiate free normal me.