so sad :(

[movnon]

Today is a week for me and for the past 3 weeks I have taken in a puppy whose mother pushed it away at 2 weeks. Today is his 6 weeks birthday. That puppy has helped me get through my wd's. I have syringe fed him every few hours even when my body felt like it was dying. Yesterday was a bad day for me but I was hopefully with today being day 7 that it would be better until I found my baby pup dead. Most of you will laugh at this but that puppy brought me hope and I don't understand why God would bring this on me at such a crucial part of my recovery. I gave it my all or did I. I keep asking what else I could do. I know a my meds would take away every care but that isn't an option in my life anymore. I don't know how an addict deals with what to me is tragic. I still have to break this to me kids who loved that tiny creature so much. As I sat in the kitchen floor holding her lifeless body I was so mad, so angry that I have to deal with this right now. I don't have these tools yet. Sorry guys, I don't expect most of you to understand the pain I feel from loosing that puppy. I named him Hope because at the time he came in my life, that was what I needed the most.

[movnon]

Thank everyone. I stand by my word, I will not use but iy had added to the mental mess my had is already going through. At this point I have a lot of anger and mainly I am angry at the pills, I have pure hate towards them. I had my h who is still using supposedly tapering to hand me a pill and I told him to never do that again that I didn't want it. I guess when you are ready, you are ready and I am. Even with this, I want the pain to go away but I don't want to use. I posted a picture in my album of my baby pup. I have to wtach my daughter dance in the nutcracker and I just want to lay in med and cry, I was so pulling for the precious little puppy. I wanted her to see me over the wd's and clean so we could have many years together.

[Scottb3]

Sorry to hear that. I know how that feels. My mothers dog out on thanksgiving and got run over. She had been best feiends for 8 yrs and i had to pick her and take to get put down while she was biting me right in front of her. You get attached to them like family. Just dont take. No matter how bad it hurts. Get up, get out and just run as long and hard as you can. It helps. Try to keep your head up.

[dominosarah]

I am so sorry to hear about Hope.  You gave little pup everything you could.  His momma may have pushed him away cuz he was sick to begin with.  They know more than we do.  We all know how important a pet is as most of us have them.  

Congrats on your clean time.  Stay in your recovery and let yourself feel the pain.  Crying is very healing, using is not.   Stay strong           sara

[gizzy32]

I am sorry to hear about your puppy, that is so sad:( I lost my dog gizzy of 16 years less than 2 months ago and I cried like a baby, i still miss him. I do understand your pain and many of us here have animals that we love and helped us through the worst just by being at our sides.

Congrats on a week clean, this is another test for you. As we recover, we learn how to cope again without drugs, we have to let ourselve's feel again and get strong, it's ok to cry and get frustrated, but it's NOT ok to use. Just keep remembering the reasons you quit and trust that it will get better, it's a BIG adjustment at first. This too shall pass:)  You are doing so good.

[movnon]

Thank Jon and you are right, they wouldn't help as much as I think about it. All I know is after the week or trials and test I have had, I should be able to get through anything after this. Thanks again for your message.
Blessings,
A

[shrimpman]

So sorry for your loss-----I totally understand-------The meds will not help and I know since you have  come this far if you go back you will just feel guilty about it----Again I'm very sorry for your loss. Jon