starting another thread here would love to see some people post here

[newlifeahead]

hi, i got 22 days clean today:) feeling pretty good for the most part certain times throughout the day i am exp this wierd feeling it is like a craving not that i want in my head i am not battling that but a physical one u know when u r hooked to the pills and havent done detox yet when that pill time comes around u start feeling that crappy feeling?? that is how i feel it last for about up to a hour then goes away is that what they call a craving? i dont think about the pills and i dont battle w myself in my head jsut still having some physical feelings that come and go. Anyway i have another post i have been doing but getting kinda long so i though i would start a new one. Also i have a few people posting and they all stopped but 1 i have been posting alot to bring it back to the top but not getting anyone else to way in i would really appreciate if i could get some support or people posting with me i like to see encouraign stories from others and just people going through the same thing i have considered stopping posting because of this but i really need this and i enjoy coming to it during the day... anyway u can go read my other thread to get some backround thanks for any input and congrats to those that r reclaming their lives we can do it

[ricart70]

Hi newlife,22 days Great job.I do think that people pay more attention to the new and scared,and not yet quitting posters.I would not stop posting though.If you dosed every day at about the same time then it would be easy for your body can have some kind of expectant reaction around that time.Kind of like when you think about biting into a really sour lemon.Your mouth gets all puckery and You can even feel it in your stomach.
You will really start feeling better and have more energy soon.

[GaGalblah]

Hi. Day 2 here. I just got off & had a craving like u wouldnt believe as I usually popped 2 pills on my way home to relax. I talked myself through it...deep breathing & positive self talk: "you don't need a pill...u dont need a pill...they hurt your body...they hurt your body...they hurt your mind...they hurt your mind...they rob u of your dreams...they rob u of ur dreams..." Over and over again...then, I thought of my kids..sounds easy...but it was far from it....I have very easy access...a lot of "do good" friends know about my injury & always want to help. I have 3 days til a refill....but I'm determined if I can make those 3 days w out getting it on the side, I wil NEVER put myself through this again...I'm NOT starting over!! I WILL NOT START OVER! Be encouraged!

[newlifeahead]

hey GaGalblah great job on day 2 i am really proud of u i did read ur past thread and i commented to i was really worried about that refil u have comning GREAT JOB on talking urself out of that craving that is right we NO way want to start over and the pills is NO way of living i agree i also have a 10 month old and he deserves a mommy that is SOBER and CLEAN we tried for a lONG time for him and had some issued including 2 losses in the early 2nd trimester so he is VERY dear to us... thanks for the encouragement i really do need it to from other people the majority of my encouragment comes from my family myself and from God but i do like to hear it from others going through the SAME thing.... it reminds me how bad life is on theose pills. I hope u get up the courage to cancel that script u DONT have to go back and i really pray u dont. U r a inspiration to me tho because how easy it is for u to get pills AND u r still staying clean which a lot of us could not do. Also that u have to still go to work i could NOT imagine doing that. Tho i did have to take care of my son which is a full time job while going through detox.. thanks for the respond ricart there are alot of people that r in way worse shape and scared i too try and encourage them through too even tho i dont have TONS of days behind me i was clean for over 2 years so i know what it even gets like i dont remember all of it and this time is different so am having trouble halloween is a week away i am hoping i feel GREAT by then we r taking our son trick or treating for his first halloween and i am sooooo looking forward to it just want to feel really good too... thanks for the analagy that really helps put it into perspective and i think u r right on because it seems to happen first thing in the am and half way through the day and sometimes again at night. I will be soooo glad when i can just be normal again but sooo proud that i have gotten through this it was becomign obsessive because i was costantly thinking and dreading the w/d's it feels good to be this far past. Still dealing w restless legs anyone else have it still this far out??? it is the WORSE sypmtom ever and i am getting a bit worried as it has been over 3 weeks and i still have it??? anyway we took our baby to the YMCA this evening to go swimming and LOVED it i lvoe having my life back and being clean thanks to God for the strength i KNOW i could have NEVER made it this far if not for HIM... thanks everyone  for the replys GaGalblah how r u feeling u seem to be doing well for being so early in w/d i am glad it is managable and u can work blessings to all and keep u r heads up i know i am

[ricart70]

These posts are wacky,it is saying that I posted this thread instead of newlifeahead.Hope they get this fixed.Good job ga and newlife  :)

[Ann2497]

Gagalblah - can I call you GG?  I have a hard time spelling your name. LOL!

My husband just yelled at me for screwing up a date for a book report that was due for my son.  Two parts of the project are due on 10/28 and one part was due today.  I thought all of it was due on 10/28 an honest mistake I think.  With all the other dates I have to keep track of for our son it is a wonder that I have kept everything else straight.  All the half days, days off, early dismissals, late arrivals and he finds one thing I get wrong and jumps all over me!  What a jerk.

[newlifeahead]

lol i know ricart had a hard time figureing it out at first when i clicked back on it said u posted it and then my post was actually 2nd on here??? never saw this before... yikes ann hope things get better make sure u remind ur husband u r human just like HE is... i am blessed to have a husband that just does NOT speak down to me in ANY way never has maybe he is having a bad day himself still no excuse to take out on u it is A LOT of work w kids and everything going on

[Lira_MHModerator]

Hi - just wanted to pop in and say we are aware of some of the issues that have cropped up since the latest update.  They are working to fix them and hopefully this evening's update will clean up these problems.  Let us know if this continues tomorrow or if you notice other issues.  Thanks!  :)

[newlifeahead]

ok thanks for the update:)

[newlifeahead]

feeling pretty good today i do have a quest tho is it still normal to run out of energy only a couple hrs after u wake up? I get up pretyt early with my son around 5:30- 6 and by 8:30 i feel like i could just drop dead i feel good waking up but only last a couple hrs?? when will i start feeling more energetic ALL day? i slept good for the first time last night the restless legs eased up to almost gone completely wow do i hope that stays gone. I did take a melatonin last night i ws super scared because i didnt want rls but it didnt give it to me. anyway hoping to start having more energy longer throught the day but i am soooo happy i am clean and sober:) blessings to all of u i hope u too r sticking w it

[Ann2497]

I hear you on the energy issue.  I get up around 730am and am not feeling well by 1030 and would like to go back to bed.  I usually eat a banana for breakfast and drink two cups of coffee.  I don't know if I am hitting a coffee crash or not eating enough for breakfast.  It could also be withdrawals but I was not using alot.  I was taking 3 pills 5/325 mg of vicodin per day for the past 5 months.not alot right?  I also tapered down to 1/8 of a pill over a period of 1.5 weeks which is pretty quick.

As far as when you will feel more energetic it is one of the biggest variables with recovery.  I have read people say from 2 weeks to 2 months.  Others can correct me if they disagree.  It goes by how long you were using, what type of drug you were using, how much you were using per day, your age, your overall health, your diet and other vices (cigarettes, alcohol).  I stopped October 7 and my energy is not where it should be because my overall health is poor.  I suffer from major depression and have had a sinus infection that will not go away.  A full dose of antibiotics and I still have the infection.

Glad to hear your RLS is better.  I have been thinking about you!  How is your little man today?  What is Josiah going to be for Halloween?

[newlifeahead]

hi ann, yeah i would say ur intake was not that much at all stil enough for the w/d's but not too bad i was taking ALOT more than that i took about 8- 10 10 mg a day and sometimes a few more i would take 2-3 10 mg at the same time. When i was first hoocked (before i went lean for over 2 years) i was taking WAY more than that the dr told me i should have been dead. Only by God's grace did i make it He must have something more for me to do:) Josiah is doing good getting sooo big before my eyes... he is doing ALL kinds of funny things he jsut started when he smiles he squints his eyes till they are all the way closed lol i LOVE that i am sober to see all this he is going to be 1 already in just 2 short months... AHHHHH... he is going to be a bear for halloween he looks ADORABLE in his costume i cant wiat till halloween...

i think when u do the whole coffee thing u get a caffeine crash i only drink half a cup but i dont like a lot of caffeine makes me jittery... u may need to eat a bit more too i know u r trying to loose weight i was kinda suprised when i saw u weigh like 150 somehting and are freeking out lol they say i should weigh 130-140 something liek that YEAH RIGHT have never weighed that i look REALLY good at around 170 and my goal is NEVER less than that but we have big bones in our family and it jsut doesnt look right to weigh less i dont liek looking at the number but rather how i feel and look in my clothes of coarse i am still trying to loose my baby weight from josiah lol i havent been the most active since i was using the whole time but really excited to get things back... thanks for responding i look forward to seeing posts from everyone esp those that have been kinda followign along i hope u start feleing more energetic and me too lol i really couild use it i gotta go get my nephew off the bus so i will write in later blessings everyone

[Ann2497]

Thank you for your response.  Do you watch your nephew?

That is cute that Josiah is going to be a bear.  My son was a bear for his first Halloween!  I can still see the picture of him in his costume in my head.

Have you made any good dinners lately?  Still thinking about the roast, potatoes and carrots..............mmmmm.  Wish I felt upto making that.  It would take hours.

What happened to the lady that was posting on your first thread?  I believe she was from England.  Can't remember her name.

[newlifeahead]

yeah it was desperate i am really worried about her have not heard from her i have been looking but cant find her anywhere:( hope she is ok... it is always scary when people stop posting they ususally will come back again a long time later w the same problem....

my sister lives in the apt above us but is moving to the next bulding over next weekend it is pretty handy. I do get them both on the bus and get them off and have them for 1 hr after school it is not too much but i get paid for it and love having them down here anyway josiah just thinks the world of them lol... How old is ur son? is he grown?  i know time flys when babies r growing up i cant believe my little man is gonna be 1 here right around the corner... it is really sad i look back at his newborn pics and remember when he was that little.. it helps that he still is a baby tho:)

last night i jsut made a take and bake pizza. The other night i made chilli not sure what if anything i will cook tonight my husband works 2nd shift on wed so i usually dont cook just heat something up. i am going to try and go tonight he works in ouir church and we have eat and greet and service wed night i usually dont make it cuz we have only 1 car and then i have to take josiah out at 10 pm to go get him so i usually just like to have him drive but i need to get out.

on the flip side i had a HORRIABLE night last night i didnt sleep ALLLLLL night i was soooo mad. i finally got up and just poured my cup of coffee. I dont know when this sleep will return but it will be a welcoming situation. It is really hard to face the day on NOOOO sleep. I had restless legs REALLY bad last night i am starting to come to terms w the fact they may not go away which i would almost rather be dead than go through this everynight i dont know what i am going to do... i cant take the no sleeping and i CANT take the restless legs for sure...

How r u doing i think u have just about the same amount of clean days as me?? i dont remmeber what everyone has cuzi go through and read a lot of these threads... have u made anything good for meals lately???

i will post again later i got to get going

[Ann2497]

did you try sending desperate a personal message?  I haven't seen her posting at all but will tell you if I do.

Not been cooking at all.  Just made butter noodles for my son.  He is 10.  Very loving and protective of me.

I have been clean since October 7.  I can't wait until I get my energy back.

My husband also works late on Wednesdays!  That is too funny.

I can't believe you couldn't sleep.  That is the worst feeling in the world.  Lack of sleep can cause depression too.  I wouldn't wish that on anyone.  What are you taking for sleep?

[newlifeahead]

i started taking melatonin the other night i cant take benadryl it gives me restless legs so that is all i can take. I slept on adn off last night it seems every other night has been the pattern but even last night was not a restful seleep it drives me crazy...

yeah we r about the same as far as clean days my last was on oct 2nd i cant wait till i hit a month i bet ur looking forward to that too... i kinda hit a depression this AM thinking baout how i was not all the way better but i will push through just need to get reading in my Bible today.

I havent sent her a message but i should... i have not seen her at all on here but i am worried desperate r u reading these posts at least??? I hope she is just feeling too good and been busy..

that is nice about ur son being protective boys r such mommas boys.. i LOVE having aboy and look forward to everyday w him... hopefully soon u will start to feel like cooking.. do u like to cook? to me it keeps me busy and on my feet so i cant get restless legs lol i really wish that would stop it is driving me batty...

well i hope u r feeling pretty good today i feel ok but i could stand to feel even better... eitehr way at least we r clean i am watching my sister go through a HUGE pill addiction BUT she ownt admit it to anyone hse is a single mom to 4 kids and has a big job at a law office she tries to tell me she aint addicted u cant fool me tho i KNOW all about these pills she is addicted and it is REALLY sad she treats EVERYONE like crap and her kids r suffering from it i just want to smack her and say grow up but i was there once too only difference i didnt have kids suffering at the time

[Innerstrength67]

Hey newlifeahead, just wanted to give you a shout out and congrats on your clean time. I have been clean for alittle over 6 weeks and I still crave. Everyone is so different and I wish I didn't but I do. That's life. Maybe I will forever but its what I do that counts.
It's so hard to watch a loved one go through this or anyone for that matter especially when you know what it feels like. Any addiction is nasty but pill addiction is so well hidden well except for the crankiness. No one knew about my 2 year hard core addiction.
I feel sadly for your sisters kids. They are so innocent.
You can always private message me. I answer back everyday.
Hang in there, your doing great!

[newlifeahead]

thanks innerstrength i will def message u thanks for the post it really helps to have others going through the same thing to talk to. 6 weeks WOW i cant wait for a month lol great job i hear u on the craving my isnt mental cravings mine is PHYSICAL cravings do u get that?  i sure hope they pass soon.. how is ur sleep at 6 weeks? I still have RLS did u ahve this and how long did it last? i know u have commented on a few of my posts but i get confused w so many people lol. anyway i hope my sister faces it soon but i can do NOTHING for her till she wants to help herself u r right it is EASY to hide my family knew before only because i got in trouble w the law fromt he pills then was clean for over 2 yrs but none of them know about the past year of using except my husband and he is supporting me 100 % i am soooo glad i got clean now and didnt let it go on and on... i feel a weight lifted off of me but it is still hard i cant wait till this time passes and i feel better all the way ... well i will message u later i have to shower for the day lol getting a late start today.... great job on 6 weeks keep it going u have to be feeling TONS better

[Ann2497]

if you don't mind me asking - how did you get in trouble with the law?  I am so sad that happened to you.

I feel bad about your sister.  Four children as a single mother is really tough.  Do you know how many pills she is taking a day?  I guess there is nothing anyone can do until she decides she is ready to quit and admits she has a problem.

My husband is giving me a hard time about not working out.  He is paying for my gym membership and he is mad that I haven't going.  He doesn't care that it is good for me etc.  He just cares that he is paying for it.

I don't really like to cook.  I wish I did.  Still real depressed.  Beginning to feel like it will never go away.

[newlifeahead]

i will message u a little later and tell u what happened..

i had a ROUGH night last night i am soooooo thankful i didnt have access to pills because i for sure would have caved in and took them i kept telling God i was just going to give up and start using fortuantly i dont have access to them... my restless legs were worse than ever like they were on day 1 i cried ALL night so bad that my eyes r swollen almost shut this AM and they r burning i dont know how i am gonna keep going on no sleep. I didnt take my rewuip last night for the RLS because it was 11 and i didnt have them 30 min after laying down it started i took a melatonin which is wither what made it worse or because i didnt take my rls meds i dont know but either way i told God i would rather be dead than go through this again...

i will write more later my eyes hurt to bad right now

[Ann2497]

I am so sorry about the night you had.  I know how hard it is to go without sleeip.  I went 6 days without sleep once and I wanted to kill myself.  How are you doing right now?  I wish there was something I could do to help you.  Can you go to a different doctor and get something for the RLS?

We are having real Chicago pizza for dinner tonight.

[Ann2497]

I think Desperate is gone.  I don't see her anywhere on the forum.

[newlifeahead]

:( sad about desperate hopw she is ok... i know it gets rough today was AWFUL... thanks for the nice post i wish there could be something done too i am FRUSTERATED i told my husband it is so sad that i have to dread the night coming i should be looking forward to it instead i fear it w everything in me... i prayed so much last night and today it helped me i got into my Bible tho i didnt feel like doing it i knew it would help. i was down in the dumps all day but when hubby got home we went out to a mexacin restraunt me him and josiah and it was GREAT i came home feeling much better i was thinking today that i was falling into that depression everyone talks about and it scared me and maybe i am down a little but i think most of it is lack of sleep. i feel soooooo tired so hoping i can sleep but not gonna get my hopes up. i am still gonna message u and tell u about what happened w the whole law thing... i am just really tired right now. real chicago pizza sounds AMAZING... i LOVE pizza esp chicago we grew up in il so we got tastes of it here and there. how r uholding up u were feeling a little depressed urself. vent if u have too dont feel like u cant because ur trying to hold me up but i do appreciate u sticking around u r really the only one left that posts to me people come and go so much on here it drives me crazy esp since we put so much of our feelings and life on here u know? anyway i will post tommorrow and message u have a good night

[newlifeahead]

AHHHHH sooooo happy to report i SLEPT last night:) I feel like i can walk on the clouds... what a RELIEF all my prayers and the people at our church praying God finally allowed me to get some rest i even had a dream. I feel kinda tired still like i want more of that sleep stuff lol anyway hubby is working a 14 hr day today he works at our church and they have a lot going on today so he has to be there all day:( kinda sad about that i am hoping i can get my house all cleaned up nice that would be a nice suprise to him... i really enjoy cleaing and he has ocd about clean stuff lol so it makes him happy he is my number 1 cheereleader here he will cry w me laugh w me praise me for doing something he is just the best....

well i dont wnat to sit too long jsut had to post now that i actualy had something positive to say lol ann i hope u have a good day feel free to vent about something if u need to i feel like u r only helping me and i am not helping u:(

[gnarly_1]

hi kinda been following your story from the side lines I wish I had the typing skills and time to comment on them all but I just dont im happy to see your seeking God threw this I couldn't have done it without him this month I celebrated 2yr clean congrats on breaking free and your clean time sound like you have fought a good fight have you lined up any aftercare your post about using if you had them kinda alarms me a bet not that I havent been there I have but aftercare is critical to long term sobriety just ask anyone on this board with long clean time as addicts we need to change the very way we think to overcome this you will learn that in aftercare please dont try and skip this it no fun doing it once imagine doing it over any ways great job so far I wish you all the best in your recovery good luck and God bless......Gnarly