first relapse narco

[toes1]

removed the seat in my truck. partially because it has to be replaced . partly cause i thought would find stray narcos. found 4. was on 10 10 mg a day and had to chase them down w/24 beers just to feel lousy enough to go to work. this put me into the hospital for the third time w/pancratitus for 9 days.15 days beer free. was 5 days opiat free. not sure what to do w/the rest of the 10 mg narcos? how about some support. withdrawls are very manageable but cravings are strong !!

[Brightfutureahead]

PSS ;). That being said, if you've been on it for a while that's one of those meds you may need to taper so you don't put yourself in any danger...do you have a physician you can talk to?

[Brightfutureahead]

Also, just wanted to add...watch those lorazepam...they are sneaky and sometimes do more harm then good when in wd's. Your brain is trying to heal and you don't want to cloud the waters.

[Brightfutureahead]

Hot baths help. Make the room cold and dark before you go to bed...and you're right...raise the expectation bar low regarding sleep- you'll be less disappointed when it doesn't come. But, it will rerun if you give it some time. Sounds cliche, but it's true. I was never a good sleeper both before pills and in pills, and now I sleep better than I ever did!! Have you tried ingredients from the Thomas recipe? They really can help when you're feeling funky. It's located on the bottom right hand corner of this page. Keep posting and getting support- it's crucial to staying clean. You will soon be reaping the rewards of a clean and sober life and the payoff is nothing short of amazing!

[toes1]

  Best day yet . 1 wekno pills ,12 days no drink. Reading blogs every night 1 to2 hrs. Went to aa didnot get as much as from blog. Woke up at 7 got alot done. Ran out of steam @3.  Ate 2 peppermints felt better . After more than8 yrs 60to 100 mg codine and24 beers. I think it is going to take a while for me to understand what my body is telling me what it needs.
     Have been sleeping good w lorazapan but see 1mg a night is not working as well. Tomorrow cutting pill in half  and will post and watch movies fo expected insomnia.
   Gonna stop this time!!!!  :-)

[EvolverU]

Hi! I just saw this thread again. I will PM you tomorrow morning. I also left you a note. Hope you're well. Hang in there. I see you've already got a response from Vic, above. That's great. A really good person to get to know and very helpful. Talk to you soon.

Annie

[toes1]

  thanks for writing back. went to my first aa meeting last night. people shared but i thought most vere holding back.
   today was my best day yet !!!!   5 days opiet free execpt slip up yesterday . [normal dose 60-100 mg narco daily w/24 beers to wash them down for 10 yrs] 11 days beer  and alchol free. you are right the urges pass quickly [usually in about 15 mins] just need diversions or phone calls to help.  mind is much clearer, more patience,and got alot done at work and home.
   just for laughs i install breathalizers in cars for dwi offenders !

[VICourageous]

Hi Toes. I go to both AA/NA too. But I also have been studying alot about this disease. This info has given me so much insite on how the brain works too. Go in to my Journal if you want and look at the last two. One is about the Pleasure Part of the Brain. The meetings are a safe place and we learn alot about he Tools but it is so so so important to stay away from ANY Triggers. This means Places, Things, and People. We have to build a wall up toward our recovery. For me it is matter of do or die. I am no young chic and have used most of my life. I really do not think the cravings will ever go completely away. But for me I will not think about it if I stay with my "Guard" up all the time.I have not had a drink in over 8 years (sub drugs instead) and thought I had that handled, Ya right went to a concert last night and my Brain just played the "It will be fine" or "Just one" tape in my brain over and over. Thank God I had Support right by my side.So that was a good wake up call on how easy any situation can cause a trigger to use. I am so so so glad I am still clean today.
Bless

[toes1]

  this site is a good source if u use it ? just started blogging a couple of days ago. i would really appreciate it if you or someone show me the ropes. i have to quit ....i know i will ! but it sure would be nice to ---- recieve guidence.

[toes1]

i flushed the pills.not gonna buy any more. erased dealers #s..just want to lose the cravings and get some energy back. except for today ,2 weeke no beer and3 days no pain meds.went to aa meeting for the first time in 6 years .some good. mostley lame people did not share types of meds ,how long off,when cravings go away,but most sated that continual meetings help. what is your thought

[EvolverU]

Hi & Welcome! Thanks for posting.

I would just like to roundly second everything that my two friends above said, particularly what Vicourageous expressed. Even while we're doing everything we can to protect ourselves it's a battle. Without them, we're consumed again & again.

You mentioned that you're not sure what to do with the rest of the Norcos. You've taken the first step by reaching out. That's great. The 2nd step is to prove to yourself that your serious & you have some personal power Flush them! Your attempts at detox simply won't work if you keep drugs in the house.
The next step would be to cut your supply off by either coming clean to your Dr. or blocking your dealers calls. Until we start changing our behaviors & understanding our triggers we'll continue down the same path. To expect otherwise is madness.

As you know, pancreatitis is serious & painful -- all the more reason to make your attempt at recovery as profound & comprehensive as you possibly can! Some serious soul-searching is in order here. Now is the time, my friend, to change your approach & dispense with half measures.

This site is an excellent recovery tool if you use it. There are many wonderful folks here who'll support you through this & give you the benefit of their hard-won wisdom & experience. Wishing you the Clarity & Determination you'll need to beat this. We're here & we're pulling for you.

[toes1]

  ok jusy flushed the pills!!   after 30 days clean i am going to get a shot that blocks opiat receptors for 30 days . plan to repeat the process for a long time. wish me strength. two years ago i was clean for a year until a new coworker starter giving me 5 mg a day. never been to na . i don't feel good about myself right now !!    

[VICourageous]

I totally agree with Kyle. It is not easy and it takes alot of work.We have to stop the insanity that will go around and around and use any excuse to use.
Do get some support. You will learn to pick up the phone or go to a meeting to re-direct your thinking for that moment. Every time your mind plays that "I feel good" or just one more" tape over and over just reach out and get in touch with a clean person. Or just put up a fight and re-direct your self away from your thinking and go and do something else. This is no walk in the park and it takes a lot of strength and courage to keep moving forward. I wish you the best. Keep on moving forward and do not look back!
Bless

[kyle505]

If you're looking for pills then you really haven't committed to getting clean. Yes, the physical symptoms are easier to handle than the mental; your head never stops talking to you, so if you don't have a recover plan in place you'll continue to use.  Have you done anything to assure your recovery? Cut sources, tell your secret, get to NA meetings?  If not, you'll keep relapsing.
K