any of my old friends around??

[jayeye]

I havent posted on this site in about 4 years.....some of you might remember i had a really bad pill habit....but you guys help me through it and were my strength.....couldnt have done it without you guys (vick im looking in your direction lol)

anyway said to say i lasted about a year and relapsed....have some back problems gave me an excuse to get back on them....and im ashamed to say that the pill were no longer good enough for me....i ended up doing H...ive been on it for a little over a year now and once again i want of this crazy ride......i know how hard its gonna be but i also know i can do it cuz i did it before.

ive had a few failed attempts but i think it was more cuz i wasnt ready it was more other ppl trying to get me to stop.....this time it wasnt as easy to hide.

i cant believe i put myself back in this situation....my best friend overdosed and died and right instead of learning from it i hide behind the drugs to mask the pain....it was like losing a brother

I just want to be normal again not need anything to feel "right" i miss those days....it felt so good when i kicked them the first time....i know i can do it again....im just scared of the ride.

anyway just wanted to say hi to all my old friends sorry i left....probably should have stayed would have helped im sure....but life is funny like that.....push away the ones that want to see you do good and bring the bad ones in

wish me luck guys im gonna need it.....im going the sub rout this time instead of cold turkey i dont know if i can go thru that hell again.....2nd day on them.    

[jayeye]

i just messaged you vicki lol

besides this mess things are good.....i have a beautiful niece shes two years old shes my heart and i love her to death.....decent job but im thinking of relocating once i get this junk out of my system you know the whole ppl places and things

[vicki595]

Hey you!  Welcome back and you better stick around this time...

You know you need to do EVERYTHING differently now. If you're not sure what to do just ask for suggestions.

You're in good company here, John. So many of us tried over and over and over to stay clean and the only thing(I believe) that will give you a chance is AFTERCARE. Believe it! You need some help with your thinking...

How's everything else in your life?

[jayeye]

youre absolutely i work late tonight....im planing on going to one tomorrow after work.....i made a deal with my mother....she came over one night unexpectedly and saw me passed out in my bed with my tools next to me.

it was the worst i ever felt in my life.....obviously she told my brothers about it and they all look at me like a pile of crap on the floor....its a terrible feeling and at first it just made me sink deeper.....like whats the point if nobody believes me when i say im not using....i guess thats what happens when you tell ppl you are clean over and over and they keep catching you in the lie...i have no one to blame but myself

i want them to know im serious i want them to believe me when i say i havent been using.

im so scared of failing.....  

[IBKleen]

No time like the present darlin"

http://portaltools.na.org/portaltools/MeetingLoc/

[jayeye]

Yeah i got them off the street :( and i def dont want to switch on addiction for another....i know this my sound stupid but i was on suboxone for about 5 months and had a hard time getting off them so my dumb addicted brain thought it would be a good idea to get re addicted to H and do a one week taper.

i took 4mg yesterday 4mg today....gonna go 2 after that than once im down to 2, .25 seems to hold me pretty well im figuring that will be an easy jump

and that was def my downfall no meetings no after care same ppl places and things....thought i was the one person who could change the world

[jayeye]

thanks for the comment back dirty.........they plan is to only try to do them for a week or two tops.....just scared of relapsing again....if this 7 day taper thing dosent work for me i think my next stop is detox.

I cant stand the way my family looks at me any more......its the worst part

[IBKleen]

Welcome back,

I too am in recovery from my drug of choice-Heroin. I had many, many failed attempts and the thing that worked was inpatient treatment and aftercare. I am guessing that we talked to you about aftercare when you were first here. Did you follow through on anything? Suboxone is a program, not just a pill. So if you bought them on the street then you are probably not following the program and are still self-medicating. It is a vicious cycle hun and you need help. Just because you put the drug down does mean you are cured. this will be with you the rest of your life. You need to tools to live it.

So tell us a little more about your Suboxone plan?

[dirtydirk]

im a IV  heroin user or WAS i should say 45 days clean and personally speaking subs are worse wds than the food (heroin)  unless your guna be takin them for a cpl days like they do in some treatment facilites then done i would ask u to do the reasearch on the net about ppl that switched to subs and how much more trouble it was for them to get off , instead of 7-10 phy wds your guna be looking at weeks to months depending on how long u decide taking them and yes i started on pill because of surgury got hooked then the cut me off so i found street drugs on the street  ha  for the next cpl years oxy roxy opanas and wha not because those vics didnt quite cut it anymore and graduated to heroin so ive done it all and methadone and subs r the worst  withdrawls ive ever had