Aa
withdraw while still on the drug (Valium)
I have been taking valuim for 6 years...started taking only 6mg and now only taking 8mg per day. It was prescribed to me 6 years ago by a neuro because I had a slipped disc in my lower back and was having muscle spasms.
Now I know I am addicted to it, and I have brought the matter up to my PCP and he told me that the dose is low and that I should stay on it because I some musclular-skelatal (spelling) problems in my whole back and neck, BUT if I want to stop taking it, I should slowly wean myself off of it. I have no other know medical problems besides what is stated above.
Now....I get periods of tremors and shakes that last for a few hours and cause me to get into a state of anxiety. They start usually just before I retire...I will be reading a book and I suddenly feel 'off' and can't read anymore and by time I get to bed, I feel like I am about to explode into shakes, yet I do not feel cold and my heart rate is stable and my breathing (though I become very aware of my breathing) is normal. This is not an anxiety attack, because I use to have them when I was young and they are very different. Is this a symptom of withdraw from the valium though I am taking it still?
Now I know I am addicted to it, and I have brought the matter up to my PCP and he told me that the dose is low and that I should stay on it because I some musclular-skelatal (spelling) problems in my whole back and neck, BUT if I want to stop taking it, I should slowly wean myself off of it. I have no other know medical problems besides what is stated above.
Now....I get periods of tremors and shakes that last for a few hours and cause me to get into a state of anxiety. They start usually just before I retire...I will be reading a book and I suddenly feel 'off' and can't read anymore and by time I get to bed, I feel like I am about to explode into shakes, yet I do not feel cold and my heart rate is stable and my breathing (though I become very aware of my breathing) is normal. This is not an anxiety attack, because I use to have them when I was young and they are very different. Is this a symptom of withdraw from the valium though I am taking it still?
I have been prescribed valium since 1988, up to 20mg/day. In fifteen years of use, I have never suffered what you described, nor any ill effect from them. I change/lower my intake and stop taking them with no symptoms at all. I know we are all different. I am extremely addicted to opiates (for the past two years) and my tolerance to the opiates skyrockets almost daily (or I suffer daily opiate w/d's), but not to diazepam. The one time my valium intake increased, was when I was prescribed methadone. As soon as I detoxed off methadone, my valium intake went from about 25mg/day down to zero to five mg/day. My addiction doctor had me increase the valium to see if that was causing me problems, but it did not help. Are you on other meds that could be causing your symptoms? I really don't think what you are describing is from the slow taper of valium at your level. I am sure you/your doctor tried going back up on the valium to test. What did you experience then? Best wishes to you. Keep us posted.
Hi my friend - I'm glad to see you back posting and helping others. But I want to know - "How how you"? The last I heard, you were tapering your Bup - how are you doing with that? Thinking of you. Love, Lisabet
Sounds like you got a plan! I'm not to sure how well your taper will help you, but it's worth the shot. I'll give you a little insight I experienced today. This is my 4th attempt in 18 months to come clean. Prior attempts were always filled with thoughts of relapsing, then believing those thoughts, then acting on them. Always an excuse, another justification, a lie! I use to have pain, but my habit was my escape and not for pain. For some reason, this time it's different, real different. I'm almost into day 6 this time around and I truly feel great. Oh I crave the **** when I think about it, but this time I think more about other things. I chip away at those cravings with these thoughts...my future, a wife who loves me without condition, a smart beautiful 10 year old daughter and we are about to adopt a baby boy from Central America. I finally put my life, my wife's love, and my family's future first.
Why now, why this time? I don't know why. I have embarked on a mission to teach my mind that my life and my family is more important than a short-lived warm and fuzzy feeling that turns on you 6-12 hours later demanding more or else. I caught myself being goofy and laughing with my wife tonight...my mind screamed back at me and said don't stop, go on this is how it use to be or I'll give something else to think about....
I've read it a thousand times on this forum and I truly believe that this time it STUCK! "You have to want to change for yourself" Finally the 2x4 hit me right between the eyes.
When I read your first post a few days back, the first thought that came to mind was of this guy who had life by the balls! You know...love, soon to be husband, a great job, a loving family, a future father. Sound like someone you know? My second thought was what a shame...he's got cancer. You feel that lump? "Hell it's probably nothing, it'll go away or it's a benign thing". "**** I'm young I got nothing to worry about". But the news isn't all bad, actually it's quite promising. Oh it's cancer all right...but it's a small lesion, it hasn't spread yet, it's a surgeon's dream (small incision and not to much pain for the patient). A little chemo, a little discomfort, and in no time I'm back grabbing life by the conjones.
Looks to me like someone is going to have that lump looked at. You are smart to catch it early. Withdrawal will be uncomfortable, but the worse part is over in a few short days. You may have to spend a few months burying those demons into the dark recesses of your mind, so that they don't surface again. But hell, it beats having cancer! Peace
Kilo
Why now, why this time? I don't know why. I have embarked on a mission to teach my mind that my life and my family is more important than a short-lived warm and fuzzy feeling that turns on you 6-12 hours later demanding more or else. I caught myself being goofy and laughing with my wife tonight...my mind screamed back at me and said don't stop, go on this is how it use to be or I'll give something else to think about....
I've read it a thousand times on this forum and I truly believe that this time it STUCK! "You have to want to change for yourself" Finally the 2x4 hit me right between the eyes.
When I read your first post a few days back, the first thought that came to mind was of this guy who had life by the balls! You know...love, soon to be husband, a great job, a loving family, a future father. Sound like someone you know? My second thought was what a shame...he's got cancer. You feel that lump? "Hell it's probably nothing, it'll go away or it's a benign thing". "**** I'm young I got nothing to worry about". But the news isn't all bad, actually it's quite promising. Oh it's cancer all right...but it's a small lesion, it hasn't spread yet, it's a surgeon's dream (small incision and not to much pain for the patient). A little chemo, a little discomfort, and in no time I'm back grabbing life by the conjones.
Looks to me like someone is going to have that lump looked at. You are smart to catch it early. Withdrawal will be uncomfortable, but the worse part is over in a few short days. You may have to spend a few months burying those demons into the dark recesses of your mind, so that they don't surface again. But hell, it beats having cancer! Peace
Kilo
Kilo,
I thought you wrote a most inspiring missive & clearly you are impassioned & determined. Oh, and lest I forget, your brain & passion is in the right place.
But I must respectfully take issuance on 2 pts. you made. Pls understand: I may be *very* wrong but I do have quite a history...oh indeedydoo ;-)
1) When you urged Engaged to bury those demons, I took that to mean put them away, presumably in the back of your mind. I think & my exper. - and know from many addicts - burying those demons is an enormous mistake. IMHO, & what lead to my 31 day success (1st time I've gone beyond a day or 2 in oh, 10 yrs.!) you must first face them & then deal with them. You bury feelings & either they start to rot & send most untoward fumes through the surface or they stay put & one rots within. You can still do everything you said but at the same time - preferably first - deal with the demons, most espec. the honest truth as to why you use at all. (I wrote about this in a previous missive on this thread).
2) Kilo, pls don't take offense here because none is meant. I mean this most sincerely. You indicated you are on your 4th attempt in 18 mos. & now on Day 6. You could well be ultra-extraordinary but I can only go with the norm but do you truly believe this monkey is really off your back? I know the buzz I had on my 4-5th day off codeine (LOTS) & one would have needed a fish-hook to peel me off the ceiling. And then malaise, rebounds, sweats,insomnia came at me with a vengeance. Detox is diff. for all of us but you are clearly a fighter & I've no doubt you'll prevail as will Engaged.
However, I felt it behooved me to be honest & I do hope I have not offended you as that was absolutely not my intention.
Well, you 2 have inspired me & made me feel like an under-achiever & I'm on Day 32! While I too had that fire in my belly, there has been many a slip 'tween the cup and the lip. (Not that kind, just doubts as to how I can deal with the ongoing withdrawal & malaise).
Best to you both & keep us posted even if you fall back into your pill bottle. We're here to support one another & as to this missive, that was my sincere intention.
GO GUYS!
Dancing in the Dark
I thought you wrote a most inspiring missive & clearly you are impassioned & determined. Oh, and lest I forget, your brain & passion is in the right place.
But I must respectfully take issuance on 2 pts. you made. Pls understand: I may be *very* wrong but I do have quite a history...oh indeedydoo ;-)
1) When you urged Engaged to bury those demons, I took that to mean put them away, presumably in the back of your mind. I think & my exper. - and know from many addicts - burying those demons is an enormous mistake. IMHO, & what lead to my 31 day success (1st time I've gone beyond a day or 2 in oh, 10 yrs.!) you must first face them & then deal with them. You bury feelings & either they start to rot & send most untoward fumes through the surface or they stay put & one rots within. You can still do everything you said but at the same time - preferably first - deal with the demons, most espec. the honest truth as to why you use at all. (I wrote about this in a previous missive on this thread).
2) Kilo, pls don't take offense here because none is meant. I mean this most sincerely. You indicated you are on your 4th attempt in 18 mos. & now on Day 6. You could well be ultra-extraordinary but I can only go with the norm but do you truly believe this monkey is really off your back? I know the buzz I had on my 4-5th day off codeine (LOTS) & one would have needed a fish-hook to peel me off the ceiling. And then malaise, rebounds, sweats,insomnia came at me with a vengeance. Detox is diff. for all of us but you are clearly a fighter & I've no doubt you'll prevail as will Engaged.
However, I felt it behooved me to be honest & I do hope I have not offended you as that was absolutely not my intention.
Well, you 2 have inspired me & made me feel like an under-achiever & I'm on Day 32! While I too had that fire in my belly, there has been many a slip 'tween the cup and the lip. (Not that kind, just doubts as to how I can deal with the ongoing withdrawal & malaise).
Best to you both & keep us posted even if you fall back into your pill bottle. We're here to support one another & as to this missive, that was my sincere intention.
GO GUYS!
Dancing in the Dark
I never said that the insomnia died down! So here I am bouncing between my IBM and the History Channel at 2:30 AM. One of the few pleasures of life I truly believe is engaging conversation. I enjoyed reading your response to my somewhat upbeat, although maybe premature, litany of my success to this point. I take no offense what so ever.
Maybe my choice of words were poorly chosen. The demons I spoke of were cravings. I speak for myself in believing that drug addiction is a learned pattern of behavior. There is much debate over that question, but there is no doubt that once the brain has learned something it does not forget (unless of course you choice a labotomy :) This is especially true for chemical imprints and all the neurology that goes with it. Cravings may subside over time, but the chemical imprint is always there. That is why many addicts become clean for several years, even decades and fall back into the same or another addiction. You are dead on about the feelings and reasons for ones behavior. Frank open discussion about ones personality, feelings and fears is what makes this forum a success. I was hoping to convey to "recently engaged" (this boy must be in love...what a great nickname :)) that his cravings should just be a distant memory in a matter of months. But, I feel that I will always be on guard, concerning addiction, for the rest of my life.
As to your second point...the monkey isn't on my back, it's sutured in place and firmly planted. I'm hoping and praying that if I don't feed that little *******, he'll get hungry and remove the sutures and look elsewhere. I'm not ultra-extraordinary and you my friend are not, by any standard, an under-achiever as you say. I have never made it to day 32! You have traveled to a point where only others dream of being. Although I feel fine right now, I have no illusions about the next 30 - 60 days. A starving monkey can really ruin your day. Your words of encouragement and honesty does more to strengthen my resolve than you will ever know.
I love your humor. I truly appreciate and need as all of us do your honesty and straight forwardness. My God look what time it is. Excuse me bartender, could I have a 6 pack of restful sleep.
Peace
Kilo
Maybe my choice of words were poorly chosen. The demons I spoke of were cravings. I speak for myself in believing that drug addiction is a learned pattern of behavior. There is much debate over that question, but there is no doubt that once the brain has learned something it does not forget (unless of course you choice a labotomy :) This is especially true for chemical imprints and all the neurology that goes with it. Cravings may subside over time, but the chemical imprint is always there. That is why many addicts become clean for several years, even decades and fall back into the same or another addiction. You are dead on about the feelings and reasons for ones behavior. Frank open discussion about ones personality, feelings and fears is what makes this forum a success. I was hoping to convey to "recently engaged" (this boy must be in love...what a great nickname :)) that his cravings should just be a distant memory in a matter of months. But, I feel that I will always be on guard, concerning addiction, for the rest of my life.
As to your second point...the monkey isn't on my back, it's sutured in place and firmly planted. I'm hoping and praying that if I don't feed that little *******, he'll get hungry and remove the sutures and look elsewhere. I'm not ultra-extraordinary and you my friend are not, by any standard, an under-achiever as you say. I have never made it to day 32! You have traveled to a point where only others dream of being. Although I feel fine right now, I have no illusions about the next 30 - 60 days. A starving monkey can really ruin your day. Your words of encouragement and honesty does more to strengthen my resolve than you will ever know.
I love your humor. I truly appreciate and need as all of us do your honesty and straight forwardness. My God look what time it is. Excuse me bartender, could I have a 6 pack of restful sleep.
Peace
Kilo
the rest will come in time.
its a great time to get clean in the spring.
as addicts we chance what we use, we go from drugs to
food, or relationships or shopping ,gambling, religion
in a false senses.
we get better by getting out of ourselves and helping others
selfcenteredness is our biggest problem.
at some piont we have to get the focus off ourselves and on a higherpower.
killing people in warfare is a learned behaviour,
and when the war is over ya go back to normal
at least most do, addicts would have a problem.
we don't stop untill there is some kind of tradgy.
peace!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!hippy
its a great time to get clean in the spring.
as addicts we chance what we use, we go from drugs to
food, or relationships or shopping ,gambling, religion
in a false senses.
we get better by getting out of ourselves and helping others
selfcenteredness is our biggest problem.
at some piont we have to get the focus off ourselves and on a higherpower.
killing people in warfare is a learned behaviour,
and when the war is over ya go back to normal
at least most do, addicts would have a problem.
we don't stop untill there is some kind of tradgy.
peace!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!hippy
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