Aa
withdrawls
Hello,
I will try and make this short. I am not a herione addict..I hate needles in fact. I recently got married and I have fibromyalgia. so I am in a lot of pain.. My husband lied to me and told me he was taking valium but i found out he had been taking methadone for 9 yrs. I ask him to quit. instead he started giving me small doses of his meth for my pain..next thing i know I am taking his nightly dose of 40 mgs every day for 5 months. I have to get off this..I am going to divorce him at some point in time. He likes the drug and I have made the worst decision of my life getting addicted to a drug like this. I did take lorecet for quite a long time for my fibromyalgia . I am taking 35 mgs this week and plan on decreasing 5 mgs per week until i get down to 5.I have some xanax and valium i can use if needed.. thn..but i was wondering if you could tell me how bad it may be>? I refuse to go to a clinic to detox..I know I can do this on my own within 2 months.I believe very strongly in God and he will be there to help me.
God Bless
CARE
I will try and make this short. I am not a herione addict..I hate needles in fact. I recently got married and I have fibromyalgia. so I am in a lot of pain.. My husband lied to me and told me he was taking valium but i found out he had been taking methadone for 9 yrs. I ask him to quit. instead he started giving me small doses of his meth for my pain..next thing i know I am taking his nightly dose of 40 mgs every day for 5 months. I have to get off this..I am going to divorce him at some point in time. He likes the drug and I have made the worst decision of my life getting addicted to a drug like this. I did take lorecet for quite a long time for my fibromyalgia . I am taking 35 mgs this week and plan on decreasing 5 mgs per week until i get down to 5.I have some xanax and valium i can use if needed.. thn..but i was wondering if you could tell me how bad it may be>? I refuse to go to a clinic to detox..I know I can do this on my own within 2 months.I believe very strongly in God and he will be there to help me.
God Bless
CARE
Hello everyone:
I've been gone for a while, but I'm back. In mid-March I started having small slips -- that I decided I was in charge of this time. That actually worked OK for about a month -- no major problem. Then, in mid-April I had a dental problem for which Lortab 10 was prescribed, with refills. Of course I didn't point out that the discomfort wasn't really to bad. Within a weekI was stopping at two different clinics for that nagging back pain, which yielded 40 7.5's and 30 5.0 . . . Then came some minor surgery in early May, which came with 20 10's, with a re-fill. So, within one month I had pretty much gone back to where I was ... constantly taking Lortab, with the only benefit being that it kept me from feeling like ****.
My pattern is that if I use AFTER an extended clean period, I feel pretty damn good that first day. But, I end up staying up VERY late and still must get up and go, etc., so I'm trying to operate on 2 to 4 hours of sleep. The next day they keep me going strong AND feeling almost as good, but I do the same deal with the sleep that night. Day 3 I'm getting to the point where the LT only give very brief periods of any GOOD feeling and it's mostly just keeping me from crashing. Of course, during this whole time, the 2 things I was using to make myself feel good during total non-use (diet & exercise) drop off to nothing. After 4 or 5 days I'm no longer staying up all night, but the LT does absolutely noting for me except a)keep me in a MILD fog (nothing nice, etc., just a bit distanced from the world)and b)keep me from feeling like hell.
Anyway, here I am again. I was on vacation last week and carefully planned out a taper -- which worked. I am now 5 days out and feeling very good, but fairly scared. It makes me feel so damn worthless I could cry. HOW DID I LET THAT HAPPEN?
Well, if there's any benefit to be gained from my last "fall from grace," it's that I now know that for me there's no such thing as controlled use. If I get 'em I'm going to abuse them and VERY SOON I'll be right back to that place I hate.
I've been gone for a while, but I'm back. In mid-March I started having small slips -- that I decided I was in charge of this time. That actually worked OK for about a month -- no major problem. Then, in mid-April I had a dental problem for which Lortab 10 was prescribed, with refills. Of course I didn't point out that the discomfort wasn't really to bad. Within a weekI was stopping at two different clinics for that nagging back pain, which yielded 40 7.5's and 30 5.0 . . . Then came some minor surgery in early May, which came with 20 10's, with a re-fill. So, within one month I had pretty much gone back to where I was ... constantly taking Lortab, with the only benefit being that it kept me from feeling like ****.
My pattern is that if I use AFTER an extended clean period, I feel pretty damn good that first day. But, I end up staying up VERY late and still must get up and go, etc., so I'm trying to operate on 2 to 4 hours of sleep. The next day they keep me going strong AND feeling almost as good, but I do the same deal with the sleep that night. Day 3 I'm getting to the point where the LT only give very brief periods of any GOOD feeling and it's mostly just keeping me from crashing. Of course, during this whole time, the 2 things I was using to make myself feel good during total non-use (diet & exercise) drop off to nothing. After 4 or 5 days I'm no longer staying up all night, but the LT does absolutely noting for me except a)keep me in a MILD fog (nothing nice, etc., just a bit distanced from the world)and b)keep me from feeling like hell.
Anyway, here I am again. I was on vacation last week and carefully planned out a taper -- which worked. I am now 5 days out and feeling very good, but fairly scared. It makes me feel so damn worthless I could cry. HOW DID I LET THAT HAPPEN?
Well, if there's any benefit to be gained from my last "fall from grace," it's that I now know that for me there's no such thing as controlled use. If I get 'em I'm going to abuse them and VERY SOON I'll be right back to that place I hate.
Oh sweety, I am so glad you posted. Its really hard to jump in like you just did but you know what? You did it! Thats just the first baby step it takes to get you better. I so wish I could give you easy answers. I can't. I was taking 30-40 Norco/lortab/etc a day before I graduated to the 80 mg OC's. I am now just shy of 6 months clean. For the most part I feel really good. I get even more grateful when I read these posts. I can tell you that I was more afraid of losing my husband than I ever was of the withdrawel and I was mortified of withdrawel. I think now its that I was afraid I could'nt do anything on my own. Through a series of events I have come out the other side knowing that I can do alot more than I ever thought I could. I just know that you have to go through some painful things in this life. We all do. I happen to think its all for a reason but I can't prove it. I just know my experience and that out of all the things I have been given through this I am most grateful for the true understanding that I am not the one in charge. What a relief. I always seemed to mess it up when I tried to be in charge.
If you really want help you have to get away from your situation for a little while. I know you probably shut down right when you saw that, I always did. But the fact is, its going to be almost impossible for you to stop if you have easy access to any opiate while you are in withdrawel. The best place for you is a rehab. Unless you have somewhere that your husband can not find you for awhile. That was what kept me away long enough to get a grip. I did detox at home several times, it can be done, I just was never able to stay clean. In rehab and AA, I learned why I needed the pills. For me, they made me feel worthy. I felt like I was an equal to others finally, like before I had to try extra hard to be like everyone else. I swear today its different. I still feel unworthy subconciously, but when I catch myself I teach myself to think differently. Irish Rose posts here some times and she helped me with that. We have to retrain our thinking. Nobody is better than anybody else. That is a rational thought that I could never quite get.
Thats it sweety. I hate to tell you that, but you have to be able to seperate yourself from him for awhile. My husband had me convinced I was a loser,I thought, but it was really me that conviced myself I was. He made threat after threat that if I left, it was over for good, blah blah blah. He was full of it. All the threats were just a cover. He was more afraid of losing me. His insecurities were enormous! We are together again now, but only because of alot of forgiveness on both our parts and a real desire to keep our family together. We actually got back together in church. Sounds corny but true.
You have to want this more than anything. You have to put yourself first for once. If you don't you have three choices, jail, institutions or death. That is the addicts creed. I'll pray for your strength and ability to let God show you what to do. I am so proud of you for reaching out. There is a little child in all of us and yours is finally ready to heal some of the past. She's waited a long time don't you think?
If you really want help you have to get away from your situation for a little while. I know you probably shut down right when you saw that, I always did. But the fact is, its going to be almost impossible for you to stop if you have easy access to any opiate while you are in withdrawel. The best place for you is a rehab. Unless you have somewhere that your husband can not find you for awhile. That was what kept me away long enough to get a grip. I did detox at home several times, it can be done, I just was never able to stay clean. In rehab and AA, I learned why I needed the pills. For me, they made me feel worthy. I felt like I was an equal to others finally, like before I had to try extra hard to be like everyone else. I swear today its different. I still feel unworthy subconciously, but when I catch myself I teach myself to think differently. Irish Rose posts here some times and she helped me with that. We have to retrain our thinking. Nobody is better than anybody else. That is a rational thought that I could never quite get.
Thats it sweety. I hate to tell you that, but you have to be able to seperate yourself from him for awhile. My husband had me convinced I was a loser,I thought, but it was really me that conviced myself I was. He made threat after threat that if I left, it was over for good, blah blah blah. He was full of it. All the threats were just a cover. He was more afraid of losing me. His insecurities were enormous! We are together again now, but only because of alot of forgiveness on both our parts and a real desire to keep our family together. We actually got back together in church. Sounds corny but true.
You have to want this more than anything. You have to put yourself first for once. If you don't you have three choices, jail, institutions or death. That is the addicts creed. I'll pray for your strength and ability to let God show you what to do. I am so proud of you for reaching out. There is a little child in all of us and yours is finally ready to heal some of the past. She's waited a long time don't you think?
Jonesing: Thanks. Looking over a lot of the posts I see that I'm harder on myself than I would be on another who slipped. But it's still hard to keep from feeling so worthless....
Hellbent: I think you're right. I've never found withdrawal to be much worse than a few days with the flu. However, once I'm "going," I still go to great lengths to avoid it, because I can't afford the time off or the questions that would be raised by being home in bed AGAIN. I'm really glad that I did a good taper when I had off from Saturday the 8th through Sunday the 16th. In the past most of my tapers have started with good intentions and ended with "Oh, what the hell . . . ." This time, however, I was down to almost nothing by Wednesday and now have Thursday through Today under my belt. I was still on the slow and tired side Thursday, but that's OK on vacation. Friday was better - not bad, but not good. Saturday better still. By Sunday, I again felt sharp and alert and just good. The only thing wrong with today is the typical first-day-back-at-the office-after-vacation thing.
Hellbent: I think you're right. I've never found withdrawal to be much worse than a few days with the flu. However, once I'm "going," I still go to great lengths to avoid it, because I can't afford the time off or the questions that would be raised by being home in bed AGAIN. I'm really glad that I did a good taper when I had off from Saturday the 8th through Sunday the 16th. In the past most of my tapers have started with good intentions and ended with "Oh, what the hell . . . ." This time, however, I was down to almost nothing by Wednesday and now have Thursday through Today under my belt. I was still on the slow and tired side Thursday, but that's OK on vacation. Friday was better - not bad, but not good. Saturday better still. By Sunday, I again felt sharp and alert and just good. The only thing wrong with today is the typical first-day-back-at-the office-after-vacation thing.
First, in response to the slips being talked about, they are a part of it. When I take opiates/oids, I become content, physical and emotional pain dissapear. I firmly believe that, if the rest of the population had the same response, most would be addicted. That said, I have learned that death is a real possibility. It might be fast, you might not wake up when vomit comes up, or it might be slow: years of constpation may cause your stomache to burst, or you may get colon cancer, or you may go out like Elvis, and die on the toilet. If you think about these things, it may serve as some kind of deterrent.
I don't want to start any controversy here, but I am a little concerned by the dark withdrawal predictions being thrown around to new people. I understand that people are just giving their experience, but everyone is different. I was taking 10 times the amount of this **** that Grace was, and was on it for 4 years. I never had restless leg syndrome, or some of the other bad symptome, like musle cramps and headaches. When I have detoxed from a habit her size, I was OK after 15 days, great by 21. Moreover, had someone told me when I stopped recently, how bad it might be, I probably would have gotten drugs there and then.
I think the most important thing is starting people getting clean, no matter what. This kinda torments me, because I don't want to lie to anyone. Still, the fear of withdrawal can be almost as bad as withdrawal itself, and can keep someone addicted indefintely. I know it scared me into using for much longer than I wanted to.
Hope I am not off base here. Let me know any thoughts you guys have on the subject.
Hey, i know where you are coming from. In the last month ive gone from taking 5-8 80mg oxycontin a day to detoxing for a week, to getting back on them for a week, to detoxing for another week (last) to me taking them again this past weekend. Slipping up is a part of rehabilitation, however, i think people like us have deeper seeded problems that make us WANT to escape. I think you (as well as me for that matter) need someone to help us through stopping for an extended period of time. Good luck, just remember how good you felt the last time you were really clean. Take care.
Missy, welcome to the forum. You've come to a place where there are people who can completely relate to what you are going through. Congratulation for working up the nerve to post. I did the same thing..lurked for two or three months before finally posting back a year and a half ago or so.
It sounds like you really understand your addiction and its patterns, and are just in a situation that makes it even harder to battle the dragon. It must make it ten times harder to try and detox when you have a partner or spouse bringing it in and not as committed to recovery as you are. But that doesn't mean it can't be done. One of the things someone said to me here once that really has helped is "you can do this, you can get recovery if you want it bad enough". That was the key for me. When I finally wanted recovery more than I wanted to be high, and it took me 5 years of abuse to finally get there.
We don't have all the answers, but we sure have a lot of support, empathy, and suggestions. I hope you feel comfortable among us. Jump on in! It's nice to have you.
Hellbent, I wanted to comment on your concerns about folks writing about how awful withdrawals are. I actually mostly agree with you. The fear of withdrwal kept me using longer. I was so terrified about the hell everyone told me I was going to go through.
The thing is, in one way they were right, and on another level they were wrong. WDs were definately hard, and it being my first time not knowing what I was in for and when it was going to get better made it harder. But now when I look back on it, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. In fact, a few months ago, I had the flu, a real bad case. And to be blunt, the flu was worse than the wds, because I truly didn't know when it would be better and my flu symptoms were more intense..and there was nothing I could do to alleviate them. With wds, you know that by day 4 or 5 you'll be feeling much better, and there are things you can do to make it easier along the way.
Not to say that wds don't suck..they do. But they can be gotten through, and the memory of them help you stay clean.
It's a good topic, and I'm glad you brought it up.
love,
WW
It sounds like you really understand your addiction and its patterns, and are just in a situation that makes it even harder to battle the dragon. It must make it ten times harder to try and detox when you have a partner or spouse bringing it in and not as committed to recovery as you are. But that doesn't mean it can't be done. One of the things someone said to me here once that really has helped is "you can do this, you can get recovery if you want it bad enough". That was the key for me. When I finally wanted recovery more than I wanted to be high, and it took me 5 years of abuse to finally get there.
We don't have all the answers, but we sure have a lot of support, empathy, and suggestions. I hope you feel comfortable among us. Jump on in! It's nice to have you.
Hellbent, I wanted to comment on your concerns about folks writing about how awful withdrawals are. I actually mostly agree with you. The fear of withdrwal kept me using longer. I was so terrified about the hell everyone told me I was going to go through.
The thing is, in one way they were right, and on another level they were wrong. WDs were definately hard, and it being my first time not knowing what I was in for and when it was going to get better made it harder. But now when I look back on it, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. In fact, a few months ago, I had the flu, a real bad case. And to be blunt, the flu was worse than the wds, because I truly didn't know when it would be better and my flu symptoms were more intense..and there was nothing I could do to alleviate them. With wds, you know that by day 4 or 5 you'll be feeling much better, and there are things you can do to make it easier along the way.
Not to say that wds don't suck..they do. But they can be gotten through, and the memory of them help you stay clean.
It's a good topic, and I'm glad you brought it up.
love,
WW
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