Alcoholism and Dealing with moods

[muppetfan]

Hi,

I am having a very difficult time dealing with family without having modd swings. I am trying to go to meetings, but my schedule and family situations are keeping me from doing so. Funny, I could have gone to bars and just neglected family in the past, but now, I am dealing with family situations and trying to be present. However, my children and my husband are DRIVING ME CRAZY. I keep serenity prayering and it helps for a little bit. My son has now been suspended from school 3 times in the last 2 weeks, I have been dealing with x husband and son's issues with Dr.s and his therapist, school officials etc. My husband, who has bipolar disorder, (HAD NO IDEA HOW HARD THAT WOULD BE) is unable to help out with anything because all he can think about is how anything is going to effect his life. Narcissistic. My daughter who is 2 is really now TERRIBLE TWOS. I work and am the primary income for the family and I am just worn out.
I needs ome experience strength and hope from anyone out there.
M

[boogieman]

hi again. ok. as i understand things, you are the financial head of the house. that pretty much negates anyone else's comfort. alcoholism is an incurable (can only be arrested, not eliminated), progressive (it gets worse untreated), chronic (not acute --rather over time), and fatal (if not treated) condition marked by loss of control. if you had cancer and needed to go to the hospital for treatment, no one in their right mind would tell you to stay home so they could do as they please. this is no different. sadly, a great deal of ignorance still exists in the general public when it comes to any form of chemical dependency, but the research has shown that it is not simply a "moral weakness" or matter of choice. and if my word isn't good enough, the cdc and harvard medical school (among others) have confirmed it. do you have any family or friends that can help you with your kids, etc. long enough to go to a meeting? for that matter, many aa meeting locations have al-anon meetings simultaneously, and attending those would help your family to understand. this is not just your problem---if you are an alcoholic and you do not treat your condition, the road ends in correctional facilities, permanent insanity, and early death. you won't have a family, job or home to worry about if you do not take this seriously. please, please don't let anyone's selfishness and/or ignorance stand in your way. we don't come back from the places this will take us! hang in there and keep posting. you don't have to do this alone.  gm

[muppetfan]

So, I am still feeling overwhelmed. I just told my husband tonight after he asked to go see a friend after work, and I said I really need a break from the kids and possibly a meeting. He was quick to be angry about the fact that he has this, this, this, and this to do and how he probably won't see his friend. I was also saying that well, if he wants me to stay sober and help me stay sober, I need meetings. I have sacreficed many meetings so that he could go see friends or study etc. We both have to take scarefices here, and he was saying no AA is a choice, and you just shoudln't drink. Not his problem that  I have a drinking problem. I am very sad right now .I have so much on my plate. I tried to take a nap today and it was like all the things in my past that I shoulda woulda coulda came creeping into my mind and almost made me feel insane. This afternoon, I have been trying to say to myself: Grant me the SERENITY to accept the things I cannot change... " over and over. B/c it seems as though the serenity part is where I am faltering I can't seem to relax enough, sleep enough, read enough, write enough to help it come into my life. I know it will. I look forward to it. I am now at 30 days. It has been 3rd 30 days now, and I keep messing up 1 day after my 30 days. I guess I just wanted to silence all these thoughts by using the only way I knew how in my past. I am starting to unfortunately have a depressive thought over and over of Why and How did I get here?????I hate the fact that I brought 2 children into this wrld of chaos that I probably caused and cause them. I hate that my first child had to go through a divorce, and that I will probably end up going through another one if he can't see how the children and their emotional well being is paramount....(Another story_ in itself) I just wish I could start over. I want to forget the past. I want to shut the door on it.....I can't take all of these thoughts swirling in my head. I feel very helpless right now.
Thank you for your encouragement.

[boogieman]

hi there. ya, early sobriety can be tough, for that matter, later sobriety can be too ;)
as you stated, you were able to cast aside responsibility to get that drink, and now things are overwhelming. this is exactly what most people (myself included) experience in the beginning. alcohol is the ultimate remover. it removes our guilt, worries, fear, depression and anxiety at first. when we cross that invisible line, it removes manageability, reputations, confidence, and motivation. eventually, if left untreated, it will remove friends, family, jobs, finances, dreams, homes, opportunities, health, sanity and life itself. most all alcoholics have compromised the majority of these things by the time they stop drinking, and it feels like they are suddenly carrying the world on their shoulders, which of course is an impossible feat. as strange as it may seem, this unique form of self-centeredness that becomes our m.o. to sustain our self destructive behavior, is exactly the thing we need in the beginning. often our instinct for self-preservation is all but nonexistent, and unlike the instant gratification that alcohol and/or other chemicals has given us, our decisions and actions in recovery have more of a cumulative effect over time. we start doing the right thing and we remain discontent. initially we have to be selfish to the point of saying "no" to almost every aspect of our lives, long enough to build a sufficient foundation on which we will be constructing our recovery. sobriety has to be the most important thing---without it, we will not be able to successfully deal with life on life's terms. we have to pursue recovery as we did chemical peace of mind, or risk the loss of what we still have. 12 step programs such as aa are the most effective available resources if we take advantage of them. lots of meetings, daily contact with others in recovery, and the use of a sponsor will reap great benefits. remember that this is a life or death mission we are on, and just apply the suggestions of  those who have been where you are, and made it to the other side. the obstacles in your way may be intimidating, but you have the resources to move mountains of uncertainty. if you don't have a copy of the basic aa text or 'big book' get one and read it. it can even be found online at the main aa site. a little bit of willingness will go a long way. keep posting and keep trying---it gets better. take care---gm