Anxious and Fearful

[Bob185]

I had inadvertently learned that my ex-wife grandmother's unveiling was today - she was 99 when she died and she loved me very much. I calmly called my wife and asked if she would rather me not attend. She said yes, I said I would respect her wishes.  She later left a message saying how much her grandmother cared about me and the many things I did for her and that i should come. I am nervous because I have not seen her family for almost a year. they tend to be judgmental and they will be looking at me thru a microscope. I am sorry that I called now - I should have seen her on my own in retrospect, but my kids are going so i will have them there. they know our divorce was mainly due to my drinking and I want to hold my head up high but do have some shame.  need strength i should have called my sponsor first before even asking ex-wife - should have realized that she didn't tell me in first place, now i feel i am an unwanted guest.

[nyychic]

You should feel so proud.  Always remember those kind words you know that you have people supporting you.  I'm happy that you are able to see that.  I'm sorry that it was under the circumstances that it was but I'm happy that you are able to see that you have these people pulling for you.  Be proud of yourself.

[MJIthewriter]

Think about the positive things. This sounds great what you were able to do. I know when I dwell in the negatives I start feeling really cruddy and begin to have a pity party...

You seem a bit like my character ironically...  I imagine him having past regrets and having a hard time overcoming those.  One of those dealing with relationships... Strange... I made him up long before reading your story.

[ibizan]

i'm glad u had a good xperience there.....take credit for the good things u've done Bob and know that granma was happy u were there to pay ur last respects.....i'd think she'd appreciate a sober u!

[Bob185]

I did just that today and guess what - with the exception of one or two people, (they know the whole story( they told me they were shocked, but are pulling for me and will always be part of their family - i think were most sincere - they said what a great dad i had always been but just me better. i'm glad I went - THANKS FOR YOUR SUPPORT bob185

[nyychic]

sorry to hear about Grandmother go and be proud a nasty problem that you have spent time healing and are doing right now.  As they judge you just remember there is only one judgement that matters not to mention that they will probly be busy with their grief to judge others.

[ibizan]

I am a  music head......1974 Argent Hold Your Head Up.......greyt lyrics greyt song!Do not give up Bob.....think of it this way....what would granma want for u as she is at peace now and hurts no more.....she would want u to succeed..to stay sober.....my dad gone 2 years now...was so proud i stopped my addiction..i FEEL him all around me....looking down as well.......and my 90 yr.old mom in assisted living with Lewy Body Dementia and failing health is/was so proud of my recovery...i will do my damndest to continue in it as i think u must as well......u know i'm right on here!:)So go..put a suit on or real nice dress clothes and pay ur respects and hold in ur heart today ur good memories of her!

[Bob185]

thanks - will try to hold my head high - remembering that I am a good person with a bad problem - others view it as a weakness not a disease - i am still struggling but have not given up yet thanks

[ibizan]

It was cool of ur wife to re-think her decision and say u should go to granma's wake...the core issue here is the relationship u had with granma...she loved u very much u did a lot for her she would want u there..........go and pay ur respects to granma...and sweep all the other stuff aside...just for today!99 what a long life!sigh!:)