How to detach from consequences

[therese83]

I go to Al anon, my husband left 2 years ago, with mid-life crisis.  He is bipolar/depression with recent diagnoses of narcissistic personality disorder, binge drinking alcoholic.  He was always sober when with me and our lovely kids, 25 years with mostly soberness, but when he did drink it was usually at the complete wrong time and cause chaos, hospitalization with injuries, fighting, taking risks eg. fast driving on motor-way when stoned etc.  HE wore a mask of sanity I believe and drink removes that mask.

So I detach now, I try to stick to this.  I have a job, he had a great career with high family benefits and he is throwing it all away.  He bought us to German speaking country where my kids attend private English speaking school.  Huge fees, his employer pays.

He hasn't shown up for work for 6 weeks now.  How can i detach?  I need the maintenance and the school fees.  My kids lost their Dad to this disease, their home as well, our lovely house we built together, gone.  He is in escalating debt now and i will be responsible I think as we are not divorced.

How can i detach.  The bank manager called me and i ended up contacting my husband and begging him to go back to work , pay of his huge loans, please keep the job.

How can i detach, i was doing so well.  But we are dependent.  I have no family here, but i love the stability we have, if we loose that, this is my fear, so how can i sleep and take no notice of his actions??

[ibizan]

u and i both know many women who have material security but no emotional stability...my sister was married to a periodontist who was abusive w/alcohol and abusive in all 3 spheres to her and her 2 daughters.....both drove BMW's,country club,designer clothes,big house in the burbs....blahblahblah and she finally divorced his rear.....the affects still weigh heavy upon my one niece who is a doctor but severely lacking in self esteem due to his abusive mouth and mental abuse.oh yes what a price some ppl pay!

[dominosarah]

You are in a tight spot right now but you are going to have to figure out what is more important here, your financial stability or your mental stability.  Maybe your kids will have to go to public school, you may have to downsize your living arrangements etc.  I know this is easier said than done but to rely on your husband right now is only going to get you further in the hole.  You said you love the stability you have but i dont see it.  I hope you continue with alanon.  Let us know how you are doing~~~sara

[ibizan]

Where is your family?if u stay w/this man u will be paying quite a price for ur sanity and that of your children......I watch way 2 many women.....and some men...remain in situations like this.....as Eleanor Roosevelt once said..no one takes advantage of u without ur consent!