You are me 151 days ago but the rum and diet coke was 10 yrs, before that it was port,and before that it was whatever I could afford.I added codeine to the mix as well get help now it will only get harder-I'm an alcoholic always will be,actively drinking for 33 yrs,codeine 20 yrs.You don't say how old you are,believe me it will get worse until you hit rock bottom-My eye opener was liver damage do you have regular blood tests to keep a check on it.If you can make the commitment and stop now,your life is worth it.
Welcome to the forum. As for your question wondering if you are an alcoholic only you can answer that and i think you know the answer. When it starts to control our lives it is a problem. You say you "love" to start at 5 and havent missed a day drinking for over 3 yrs and you feel guilty. The writing is all over the walls here. I can guarantee you there will come a time when you will have an emergency and you will have to drive. Not only will you put you and your family in jeopardy but all the other ones who are on the road. Consider yourself lucky up to this point. Until you really admit that you are powerless over alcohol nothing will change. Your life will be spiral out of control real soon if you dont put a stop to the insanity. I would bet your kids know already. Kids arent dumb and they pick up alot more than we think. Aftercare is very important to our success in recovery. have you thought about attending any meetings such as AA or seeing an addiction specialist? There are good out patient programs also. Aftercare teaches us how to live a clean and sober life. you can get your life back and it will be better than it was before but you will need help. We cant do this alone. Sleep is an issue when we arent using and they do make herbal products for that. Melatonin is one along with sleepy time tea. Your sleep pattern will come back. The choice is yours, i hope you make the right one.....sara