day 5

[k8tiestone]

on day 5... of no pain meds... yesterday had energy and today have none... i'm craving chocolate cake... i feel like an inanimate object... i have a metal plate w four screws in my neck so i do get headaches and whats horrible is that they often times don't fully respond to 800 mg of advil.... so i just have to sit and suffer cuz i sure as h*** aint guna start this process all over!

[ibizan]

yeah BUT aren't there drugs and alcohol all over the place?and the other girls who work there don't they offer u drugs?or ask if u got some?i've known many a dancer in my line of work and i've never met one yet that can stay sober/clean in that environment!

[k8tiestone]

i started sober and was way more responsible.. as far as showing up on time working diligently.. saving my money etc.. as soon as i started partying i stopped showing up to work as often... got in trouble for getting too drunk... it was a mess.... so i know i can be a better dancer sober....

[ibizan]

ahh dancer?what kind?exotic?not a good environment to stay sober/clean in if this is what u do...good $$$ yes but ......and u know the rest of the story!

[k8tiestone]

ya i had the fusion 2 weeks before entering rehab... i remember it took me so long to feel normal that time.. but i was using a lot heavier and i was coming off E methadone norco weed and alcohol.... i was more a mess then than i am now.... but im older now and don't have the energy i used too.... that was only 4 years ago but i feel like i've aged considerably... hoping to get some energy soon as i need to return to work and need to get back into shape.... the fear of how far away i am from actually feeling ok is starting to shake me up a bit....

[k8tiestone]

yes i was actually in AA for 3 successful years and then the usual bs... stopped going to meetings stopped calling my sponsor and taking direction... started hanging out in places and w ppl i shouldnt and wah lah! relapse! i fear gaining weight and being tired all the time... that i will affect my self esteem and my income.... i'm a dancer and can't afford to be fat or tired..... on day 6 now.. actually slept decently last night... still tired today though... just not quite as bad as yesterday.. guna try n hit the gym today.... i need to get back to work by the end of this week or i'm screwed...

[ibizan]

the withdrawal is not 4 ever....get it over w/....like Sia sings in Numb.....the pain will not kill u...but continueing an opiod dependence will!r u in counseling?attend 12 step meetings?have a sober/clean support system?the ones of us here w/sober/clean time did these things....such a necessity!

[Punkinhead75]

One day at a time and you'll be ok.  I was in an accident back in'06 and really screwed up my lower back.  I will possibly need a fusion sometime this year.  Trying some conservative approaches first.  I wish you the best of luck!!

[k8tiestone]

had a car wreck back in 05.... got a herniated disc n ended up on pain meds for a whole year... ended up in rehab to get off pain meds...stayed clean for almost 3 yrs... then everything started creeping back into my life starting w alcohol...then pot then pills... so day 5 w no pills but like 90 days off the rest... opioids are a bi*** to detox from though... the fatigue and mood swings are killing me..

[Punkinhead75]

Day 5 is great!!  Keep it up.  I hope you feel better soon.  What happened to your neck?