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[Bob185]

Hi Gang - hope your not tired of me cause I'm tired of myself.  Heard alot of things here am desperately trying to adhere to.  It has been about 10 months now and I still get over the eevnts )seperation/divorce and all the ramifications that go along with it.  I never wanted this and being the recipient of the divorce makes it so much harder. I am deperessed and lack confidence.  It doesn't seem to get better, I try to trick myself sometimes, but it doesn't always work.  The bottom line is that I still love my wife (ex) very much. My struggle with alcohol these past few yers has burnt her out and she doen't miss too many opprtunities to blast me when we do have to talk regarding the kids or finances.  I don't want to fire back as this would cause more problems, but I feel like a dog slinking away. Not a man. A dog. Our neighbors whom were very close to had a party and invited her not me. That hurt. I feel anger in me now as this divorced was planned without any consideration for me. I signed everything to placate in hopes of hr not going thru it, but I was wrong. After 20 years of marriage of feel a strong sense of betrayal. My emotions range from depression, anger, hoplessness and lonliness. Anyway, had a great Father's Day with my kids (17/19) They cooked me breakfast and we went hiking. I live for those few hours. Then it's back to myself and regrets - alcholism is a destroyer.

[nyychic]

Oh yeah and about the neighbor, yeah it ***** but they probly saw how $hitty she's been to you about the money and the contact etc. and figure they have to live next to her!!  They are probly not sure how to react it's an uncomfortable situation all around and may not be as personal as you are taking it.  I can't image you could take it any way but personal but that may not have been their intention.  

[nyychic]

Hey man I understand loss but I will tell you this I will lose the "stuff" at least you still have your kids and all.  We lost my step dad my uncle and my husbands grandmother in a matter of a couple years.  I would never wish that much loss on anyone.  Then my mom was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer and had a double radical mastectomies.  It's been tough.  Really tough.  But I pulled through after losing my home, due more to medical reasons than alcohol since my hubby had quit drinking but by this time we couldn't do much.  Now we are wonderful within less than 6 mos of all the move and everything we were able to stabalize almost all the finances.  You can do it.  My husband 41.  Not 30 pushing through he's really pushed and pushed.  You can do it and if with the tears comes healing then yes we want to make you cry!!  You are on the right path just stay sober and work on yourself it will fall into place.  I can promise that one!!!  Keep us posted!

[working dog]

health is so much...much more then money..after you stop drinking for a couple years you'll feel better...i lost everything at 42..had quite a lot..and lost most everything again in the last two years..but i get along great with my kids and my x.....and they are all doing good..and im 55 so i got a few years on you...good luck....billy

[Bob185]

you guys just wanna make me cry - thanks for the words - its hard to express my emotions sometimes - i guess i am not really all that - was brought up on athletics - college ball - tough HS - just not used to rejection and realized I f**** up - kids are great - just hate my life now - never came from money, but made it thru hard work - now have none and as I have said, it is hard to climb the mountain again at 50 - thanks for your posts - god bless all of you

[nyychic]

Time to pull yourself up by the bootstraps Bob I know that you can do it.  I will tell you again my husband was an alcoholic for years and years his whole life up I will say that it was right about 17 years of alcoholism.  He thought at one point his life was over and not worth living. Today he would never get back with his ex.  As far as being angry goes just allow it and let it pass.  Try the book I told you about.  He helped me so much in my quiting smoking.  remember to allow your feelings to be there and feel them acknowlege them and then let them go.  I still will get angry about my husbands past and the hurt he caused me but I'm beginning to take the blame for my part.  I stayed.  By doing so I enabled.  It's time to take responsibilty for your part forgive her for her part.  Let it go,  and if you want "revenge" for the anger you are feeling just remember this Bob success is the best revenge.  You should be angry enough to want that kind of revenge Bob.  Feel that anger and turn it into sweet success.  I have faith in you and when you don't have faith in yourself remember that someone out there in this world has faith in you and pull your strength from that faith.  It never hurts to have people believe in you.  I'm so happy that you had a wonderful Fathers Day and you are moving forward with your relationship with your children.  Just move on with that and enjoy your time that you have with your children  When you miss them and/or feel depressed without them think of the good times you had the previoius visit or the good times to come in the next visit.  This too shall pass Bob.  Good luck and I look forward to hearing how you are holding up.

[TJack]

Hi Bob,  Bandida says it all so well.  You can do this.  Think positive, go to AA, take your campral and be kind to yourself.  Quit beating yourself up.  God Bless. Tj

[BANDIDA]

G'Mornin Bob! OK it's time to rise above and out of the muck and mire going on. Make everyday Bob's day and concentrate on yourself. You can't change what has already happened....you can only concentrate on making things better from now on. Forgive yourself and go forward. Don't be angry. it only eats away at you and prohibits you from making progress. Forgive her. Remember the Lords prayer! Wonderful that you spent a great day with your kids. You and your relationship w/them right now is what is most important. Remember what I wrote you last night. I'm here till about 1:30 if you want to chat back. IT'S Going to be a Great Day!!! Think Positive!!!!!Terry