vicious circle

[charley27]

hi not been on here for ages, was doing so well had not drank for 70 days feeling much healthier, fitter, better state of mind etc, foolishly went out with friends fri night thought one wont hurt, u guessed it 1 led to 2 to 3 until i passed out. woke up the next day still drunk and cut a long story short went on a 3 day bender. im so so annoyed with myself and have been constantly told by my family id let them down..... not nearly as much asi had myself. i have not drank for 5 days went through the normal withdrawal state which i may say is dreadful as u all know, and i always question myself why do i put myself through it. my point is after not drinking for 70 days and then doing so am i ever able to really stop. i know i sound like im feeling sorry for myself but i feel like after doing so well and everyone being so proud of me i have to rebuild everyones trust again. just feel like a bit of a failiure at the min, and just wondered if it usually takes a few attempts. it just seems a bit of a vicious circle.  WHICH I WILL BREAK.

[ibizan]

i lost my dad in 06........drinking never crossed my mind....some said don't u feel like a drink?oh hell no!i couldn't imagine feeling more upheaval than i already felt...plus my dad was so happy for my sobriety.My mom is 92 with dementia and congestive heart failure...the day will come when i lose her and i know it will feel like below the lowest of pits....i shudder to think of it.....your mom must look down on u and want u to re-establish ur recovery!when u struggle...think of her face....and words.....no doubt she would encourage u on!

[gussz604]

Hi charley, good luck to you.
I joined this site today as maybe I can help you or somebody else with my experience.
I've battled with alcohol since the age of 15. I'm 48 now and have quit several times (lost count but at least 5-6 times).
I thought I had it licked, as the last time I quit, I sayed sober for 81/2 yrs. Last Oct/09 I lost my mom to which I was very close.....needless to say it ended up pushing me back to the drink.
Started drinking again in June this year, and today is my 2nd day back on the wagon.
I'm not proud of starting again, but this time it's really opened my eyes to how powerful this damn drug is, and how grips it you slowley and drags you down.
Each time I've quit, i've learned something about myself. This time around, I've NEVER felt so good about being alcohol free.

[charley27]

thanks for your comments, ive been to see my counsellor today, and am back to my positive self. let the past be a lesson learned x

[Jacker]

Some people make several attempts and I've known others who quit and never picked up again. I"m the first type- I had to try to test the waters again, and the results were always the same.  It's scary how quickly you can fall into the old habits, and if there was every any doubt that I was an alcoholic, the quick downward spiral that took place when I started again proved it.

Do what you have to do to maintain sobriety and keep a journal about your drinking attempts. You can refer back to it when you try to fool yourself into having "just one or two".  The alcoholic mind is a powerful thing.  

[Punkinhead75]

I relapsed 11/2yrs into my recovery.  Sure I let people down but I couldn't let thoses feelings keep me from doing the next right thing.  Get up, dust off and get back to what was working.  For me it is pretty simple:  Go to mtgs, call my sponsor,  do the steps, help another drunk and thank God for another day sober.  When I do those things I am reminded of what alcohol can and will do to my life if I pick up again.  Good luck!!!!

[ibizan]

i KNEW in the depths of my soul at age 19 that i was an alcoholic/drug addict....but i told myself i'm 2 young all my friends party yadayadayada!i blacked out a lot,drove drunk a lot...the list of what i did could go on ad nauseum..got sick a lot too!but i told myself i could learn to control it.....which i failed at miserably and then at age 28 I made a COMMITTMENT 2 myself that i was done...i was very sick n'tired and being sick n'tired!so in2 inpatient i went,did 12 step AA and NA..changed my ppl places and things....did what i needed 2 do not what i wanted to do...and today at age 55 it is a better life.It has not been easy but then i found if things come easy they leave twice as fast as they came.....the work that i have MADE myself do physically,emotionally and spiritually is again......well worth it!