Poop on toilet at home not at school

[meloniewn11]

We have a 5 year old in our program that poops on the potty at home, but will not at school.  We have tried putting a smaller seat on the toilet, given him a toy, required him to sit for a certain time, and even done a special reward if he poops on toilet.  He sits on potty even 20-30 minutes now and 10 minutes after he is off will poop in pants.  As his teacher, I am needing some extra help, but mom and others are not sure what to do at this point.  We have tried sitting out at playtime if he poops in pants and have taken toys away... but he is to the point where he says, fine take toy.  
Do you have any suggestions for me?

[888mom]

Yeah, I know how having a larger size child is frustrating with diapers.  My daughter takes after my husband.  My hubby is 6'5", and basically I have a 2 year old the size of a 4 year old, and basically I have to potty train her now because she isn't going to fit in diapers in another month and pull ups are so expensive, she needs to potty train.  Luckily she is about ready to learn though she still can't sleep through the night and wake up dry, not ever, and still doesn't have bladder control much.  But, she wants to learn so desperately and be a big girl.  So we are going to start when the weather gets warmer and I can have her outside in underwear so our carpets don't get messed up.  

Guess you can't try depends underwear for the boy.  I think those only come in adult sizes.  Poor kid is probably embarrassed about the situation, too.  Sitting on that strange toilet for him is probably a very hard or impossible thing for him.  My sister's girl has that problem as well, but she is home schooled, so she just goes potty at home.  She's a really smart kid, but I don't think she'd do very well in public school.  My sister has a masters in education and her husband has a masters in English and designs curricula for a Catholic home school program, so they are quite qualified to teach their own kids.  Plus with some of my niece's issues like the potty and wanting to go only at home, and also wearing the same outfit every single day (I could see other kids making life hell for her if she went to school wearing the same outfit every day, even if it was cleaned daily), well, maybe she is better off being homeschooled at the moment.  My daughter is a stickler for sameness.  I could see her potentially not wanting to poop unless it was on the same potty every time.  I finally figured out that dressing clothes wasn't a sensory issue, it was you have to do it the same way every time issue.  She must always put her left leg in the pants before the right.  Ditto with shirts and shoes.  It took me months to figure out why sometimes she'd have a freakout over getting dressed and other times she wouldn't.  Also, there are certain activities she has to do in a certain place, and if you do it one way a few times, you have to do it the same way every time.  Going to restaurants, we've learned she only goes to a small handful, and once she's sat in a certain section often enough, we have to sit in that section every time.  We go out to eat mostly on Monday or Tuesday nights when restaurants aren't crowded and we can ask the waiter for a specific seating area.  Thankfully she's not committed to a particular seat, just a certain area.  Oh, and if she has to go #2 in public, she really does not like to be changed there.  She wants to go home.  But, I just make her throw a fit and usually she gets over it by the time I'm done changing her.  So, I can potentially see her not wanting to go #2 in public either.  Sameness... I'm learning that she is getting more committed to certain routines and rituals and that she has lots of OCD tendencies.  So does my husband, so I guess I'm sort of used to that.

My great-grandmother was a little bit like that, with wanting sameness.  She would not travel anywhere, had to live in the same house her whole life, and even if you went to a restaurant or out shopping with her, she'd go home to go to the toilet.  She didn't really visit other people, you had to go see her, so I couldn't tell you what she'd do in someone else's house since she didn't visit people.  she was never diagnosed anything, but if anything she was probably OCD.  Had to eat the same time every single day, and she'd have a certain food item she'd eat on a particular day of the week, so her menu choice was 1 out of 7 items for dinner, and if dinner wasn't at 5PM, she would flip out.  Oh, and if she was out shopping with you, I think she would have rather gone to the bathroom in her pants if she couldn't get home in time than go on a public toilet.  She was also big about germs and stuff, as well as about sameness.  I do not know what she did when she went to school.  I'm not sure if she went to school.  My great-grandmother was probably school aged around 1900 to 1910.  She lived to almost 100, that's why I knew her. She died when I was about 10 or 11.  I thought she was nuts, but that's just how she was, and we loved her regardless.  There are lots of people on both my mom's and dad's side of the family who are quite eccentric.  I'd say the same thing about my husband's family as well.  

[meloniewn11]

Well, he has underwear on.  He can't change himself.  He sits on potty, has a potty seat, but is getting too big for it.  Mom came in yesterday and said his Nutritionist wants him to be smaller... he is 5 but has a 7 year olds body.  Next week is spring break for his other school so we will have him all day.  I would like to be able to concentrate on him more and his potty/poop delays on toilet.  Thanks for responding.  I keep reading about how some children will spread there poop on walls, at least we don't have that hurdle to get over.  :-)

[888mom]

Will he sit on a toddler training potty chair?  Or would he be too big?  Could he bring training pull ups, that way they're at least disposable afterwards?  Or is he doing that already?  My sister's daughter wouldn't poop on any toilet until after she was 5.  She'd go up, ask my sister for pull ups, put them on herself, and then poop and then she'd need a little help cleaning herself up, but mostly could handle that herself as well.  One day she just decided that she'd go on the toilet.  She was also a little strange that for a bit over  a year, she had to wear the same dress every single day.  It was a dress from KMart on clearance, and my sister was frustrated that that was the only dress left, so she couldn't buy a second or third, and so she washed that dress every day for her daughter until her daughter couldn't wear it anymore because it was just too small.  Not autistic, but I would say her daughter has some OCD tendencies.  I can't say how it affected my niece in school because my sister homeschools her girls, so she was homeschooled kindergarden with the poop issue going on.