What is this? 4.5 year old won't talk?? HELP

[megankrause]

Hi, I think my sisters son might have aspergers, or perhaps selective mutism- or maybe both?  Jake is 4.5 now and just started preschool almost 8 months ago.  He will not speak at school to his peers or teachers.  As a baby Jake didn't hit any of his milestones.  He didn't walk until around 18 months and he didn't speak (even one word) until around 2.  My sister did put him in speech therapy and the therapist told her that her son was a perfectionist and that he didn't like to try to say words until he could say them perfectly.  Later they moved so the therapy stopped.  Even now (at 4.5) he prefers to gesture, nod/shake head, or use one word answers.  He seems very shy.  If someone asks him a question he just smiles and looks down, or laughs.  Once he warms up (to family) he will answer with one word if you ask him to "please use his words."  He does understand everything- he can follow directions very well, and in stories he understands plot lines, who the good guy vs bad guy etc.  He seems to be intelligent as best I can tell.  He is also social.  He will come up to you and poke you with a toy & giggle (like it's a game) or come up to you and hold up a toy.  He will never say anything, he'll just kind of wave it at you and wait for you to say, "Wow, what's that you've got there."  Then usually he would not answer unless his Mom tells him to.  If he did answer it'd be one word - like "dog" or "book" etc.  He plays with his brother and his cousins.  His play is usually side by side, but sometimes he'll play a game WITH the other child (like they both hide under a blanket together and laugh etc).  Rarely will he talk during play- ex he doesn't say things like "your turn, or come over here etc" instead he says things like "gah gah gooo gooo" (or other nonsensical phrases or word combinations).  When his cousins talk to him- ex. Jake will you come outside and play with me please?" he'll usually just stare at them blankly, as if they are not talking at all.  As for school, his teachers have notified his mom that he's not speaking to anyone.  My sister rewarded him special treats if he would talk, and for a few weeks, while the treats continued he did say a few words, but then when my sister stopped the special rewards, he stopped talking again.  My sister says he's just shy and goofy.  She says it's just his personality.  I am literally worried sick it something MUCH more serious.  Jake is very socially awkward... it's not just the lack of speech... he has an awkward gait (he walks with his toes pointing out), and when he gets really excited he walks on his tip toes and hand flaps.  I don't think my sister notices this.  I stayed with her for a week recently and I only would see him do it a few times a day... usually when he was running around being "silly."  He kind of hums when he's doing it.  He is also a very picky eater.  He cannot eat a cracker with a burnt spot... he checks food for imperfections before eating it.  He is also deathly afraid of flying bugs (nats, flies, bees etc).  When he sees one he completely freaks out, his facial expressions are very extreme, its as if he is being electrocuted.  Lastly I will say this child is very loving.  He loves his baby sister and his Mom so much.  He will sit and hand the baby toys and coo at the baby- it's so sweet.  He will loving kiss and hug her etc.  
Okay- so am I going crazy or is there something to all this??

[lisa91105]

my first answer or thought would be autism. my daughter is 5, and only starts talking around the age of 4. it took alot of work with her to get her to where she is now. she is still about a year or two behind. but autism is definently something you should look into. speech therapy is a great start. but go see a psychologist. you can never have too much info, right?--Lis

[megankrause]

Also, Jake plays with toys appropriately (he doesn't line up blocks or spin wheels of cars etc).  
He is scared of MANY things- public restroom toilets flushing (noise too loud) etc.