Aa
A follow up~
Oh boy do I feel silly posting here! Ahehehe! Anyways
Yesterday I started feeling amazing, like a feline queen, a little doll on a pedestal. When i look at the mirror I see someone else. lm hardly recognizable! As I dress her up I feel like its just another toy to play with!
But yesterday I completely trashed my house! I had about 3 or 4 projects that just popped into my head to i pulled all the fabric and supplies i had out of my bins and dumped them on the floor, i had no thread so I found bunch of saftey pins and put together some skirts that became mental puzzles! I had to figure out how to keep the skirt together, using as little pins as possible! It was amazing! I dont even know how describe what im feeling right now.Words are like poetry and lifes a dance. Everything is beautiful. But im doing nothing. I stayed up 27 hours straight, I could do so much better, but i forced myself to sleep because i kept nodding off on the train! But I want to try for better!
OH YEAH! I LOST MY TOPIC
Anyways, yesterday my mother noticed how strange i'd been acting, and i kinda blurted out some conformation. And she knew everything already. Shes now urging me to seek treatment. So yeah i guess thats what everyones been wanting for......
But Im still too stubborn. Uh, this paragraph isnt as pretty looking as the others.
Anyways~
I think shes overreacting.
Everything will be less vibrant Crayola and more ...beige.
And besides, what if my first mind was right and everything is normal! Wont everyone feel silly? :P
Im not hurting anyone save the cleanliness of this house.
So I suppose that was my follow up? :P
(I keep reading and re-reading this post, and its not as pretty as I wished it could have been, I wish i could have just drew it instead :P)
Yesterday I started feeling amazing, like a feline queen, a little doll on a pedestal. When i look at the mirror I see someone else. lm hardly recognizable! As I dress her up I feel like its just another toy to play with!
But yesterday I completely trashed my house! I had about 3 or 4 projects that just popped into my head to i pulled all the fabric and supplies i had out of my bins and dumped them on the floor, i had no thread so I found bunch of saftey pins and put together some skirts that became mental puzzles! I had to figure out how to keep the skirt together, using as little pins as possible! It was amazing! I dont even know how describe what im feeling right now.Words are like poetry and lifes a dance. Everything is beautiful. But im doing nothing. I stayed up 27 hours straight, I could do so much better, but i forced myself to sleep because i kept nodding off on the train! But I want to try for better!
OH YEAH! I LOST MY TOPIC
Anyways, yesterday my mother noticed how strange i'd been acting, and i kinda blurted out some conformation. And she knew everything already. Shes now urging me to seek treatment. So yeah i guess thats what everyones been wanting for......
But Im still too stubborn. Uh, this paragraph isnt as pretty looking as the others.
Anyways~
I think shes overreacting.
Everything will be less vibrant Crayola and more ...beige.
And besides, what if my first mind was right and everything is normal! Wont everyone feel silly? :P
Im not hurting anyone save the cleanliness of this house.
So I suppose that was my follow up? :P
(I keep reading and re-reading this post, and its not as pretty as I wished it could have been, I wish i could have just drew it instead :P)
in my experince the mania is gonna feel great amazing and spetacular........espically the hypomaina...
this is when you feel slightly up but aren't in an episode....but it will build very quickly and you will start to loose control....Trust me I've only had about 4-5 manic episodes in my whole life. But I started having them when I was only 2-3 years younger than you. My heart goes out to you because at your age I had these very same problems. I was manic,....
did anything good come of it? well,...I failed my classes all through highschool had a horrible relationhsip with my mom and one by one lost almost every friend I had in highschool. People often talked about me behind my back as well.
It will only get worse as you get older because people have less sympathy for unstable adult than they do a child. Right now your mother can help provide
you with the recorces you need and she is trying to help you. You won't see this now nor do I expect you too...But this is a privage
because manic epsiodes in adult life inhibit dangerous destructive behavor, you need to come to terms with these things now while you are still young. I can tell you about my manic espisodes as a teen. I got laughed at and people thought I was an absloute phyco. But as an adult?? let me tell you.
I manged to make it through a day of school durring an episode because I had to force myself to go. That day I almost lost my wallet I left it out in the libary and it had all my IDs and everything important, luckily someone had been nice enough to turn it into the lost and found. I was going to meetup with a tutor but afterwards I wound up getting totaly lost on the bus ....I went an hour out of the way to a new area and had no idea what bus to take in order to get home. The driver pointed me out in the right direction thankfully. The thing about this was it took an hour to get back. They let me off at the right stop but I would still need to walk alomst ten blocks and then take another bus to get home. but I needed to pee and I had been holding it since I boarded the bus.
needless to say I didn't make it too the restroom. I wound up peein my pants..right outside in broad daylight...in downtown. I had to sit down on the curb so no bystander could see the urine running down my legs. I was sooooo lucky to be wearing black pants so it didn't show and I took the bus home, at this point I was pretty much mortified. the thing was it was in the afternoon so the bas was crowded with folks comming home from work sitting next to me and the whole time I was going home all I could think about was do I smell like pee? I got off the bus and all I needed to do was cross the intersection to get to my appartment. I'm like okgo but then I felt an arm across my chest. I looked up to see a lady blocking me from walking because the light was green and trafic was pouring through at full spead. Had she not stoped me I would have walking staright into oncomming traffic. I made it home and thought the day was over when I locked my door. But once I fell asleep I woke up to a loud banging on my door it was my roomates apprently I had left the stove on and it started a fire....thats when they told me they were telling the apprtemtn manager and that I need to find a new place to live
sorry about the long winded post but I really hope this reaches you...I highly doubt you will understand this in the state your in but
hopefully your mom will take you to a hospital and they can help stabilise you there
this is when you feel slightly up but aren't in an episode....but it will build very quickly and you will start to loose control....Trust me I've only had about 4-5 manic episodes in my whole life. But I started having them when I was only 2-3 years younger than you. My heart goes out to you because at your age I had these very same problems. I was manic,....
did anything good come of it? well,...I failed my classes all through highschool had a horrible relationhsip with my mom and one by one lost almost every friend I had in highschool. People often talked about me behind my back as well.
It will only get worse as you get older because people have less sympathy for unstable adult than they do a child. Right now your mother can help provide
you with the recorces you need and she is trying to help you. You won't see this now nor do I expect you too...But this is a privage
because manic epsiodes in adult life inhibit dangerous destructive behavor, you need to come to terms with these things now while you are still young. I can tell you about my manic espisodes as a teen. I got laughed at and people thought I was an absloute phyco. But as an adult?? let me tell you.
I manged to make it through a day of school durring an episode because I had to force myself to go. That day I almost lost my wallet I left it out in the libary and it had all my IDs and everything important, luckily someone had been nice enough to turn it into the lost and found. I was going to meetup with a tutor but afterwards I wound up getting totaly lost on the bus ....I went an hour out of the way to a new area and had no idea what bus to take in order to get home. The driver pointed me out in the right direction thankfully. The thing about this was it took an hour to get back. They let me off at the right stop but I would still need to walk alomst ten blocks and then take another bus to get home. but I needed to pee and I had been holding it since I boarded the bus.
needless to say I didn't make it too the restroom. I wound up peein my pants..right outside in broad daylight...in downtown. I had to sit down on the curb so no bystander could see the urine running down my legs. I was sooooo lucky to be wearing black pants so it didn't show and I took the bus home, at this point I was pretty much mortified. the thing was it was in the afternoon so the bas was crowded with folks comming home from work sitting next to me and the whole time I was going home all I could think about was do I smell like pee? I got off the bus and all I needed to do was cross the intersection to get to my appartment. I'm like okgo but then I felt an arm across my chest. I looked up to see a lady blocking me from walking because the light was green and trafic was pouring through at full spead. Had she not stoped me I would have walking staright into oncomming traffic. I made it home and thought the day was over when I locked my door. But once I fell asleep I woke up to a loud banging on my door it was my roomates apprently I had left the stove on and it started a fire....thats when they told me they were telling the apprtemtn manager and that I need to find a new place to live
sorry about the long winded post but I really hope this reaches you...I highly doubt you will understand this in the state your in but
hopefully your mom will take you to a hospital and they can help stabilise you there
All posts convey concern, care and commitment to help you find stability.
Sometimes the highs turn angry towards self and others. Most of the time in mania you think you feel the best you have ever felt, do irrational things...i.e. tearing apart your projects.
You didn't say how old you are but the younger you are diagnosed with any type of mental disorder, physical illness, the outcome is better.
None of us started out stable. Some of us don't always hit the mark of stability for long periods of time. But wanting stability increases your chances of having a very normal quite inspirational life.
Please take head to all the ones that post to you above.
Sometimes the highs turn angry towards self and others. Most of the time in mania you think you feel the best you have ever felt, do irrational things...i.e. tearing apart your projects.
You didn't say how old you are but the younger you are diagnosed with any type of mental disorder, physical illness, the outcome is better.
None of us started out stable. Some of us don't always hit the mark of stability for long periods of time. But wanting stability increases your chances of having a very normal quite inspirational life.
Please take head to all the ones that post to you above.
Another thing I want to add is that highs may feel good in the beginning, but they are not healthy for you in the long run. Highs tend to be when a lot of bad things happen such as risky behaviors that lead to trouble. But also physically I have been told that the high is not good for your body from a medical stand-point. I currently no longer have the happy highs myself and only the aggitated highs which are very scary and I hate them.
Please keep us updated we are all hoping you can get some stability. Take care of yourself.
Please keep us updated we are all hoping you can get some stability. Take care of yourself.
I have been going through a very distressing time for the last few weeks and I am trying to hold onto my sanity. As much as I have enjoyed being high before I realise after the last time (a kinda rock bottom) that I don't want to be high ever again. I am trying to monitor and manage how I am and trying to keep on on even keel. I don't have the support from my partner in fact my partner is the one giving me grief. I have taken it upen myself to go to 2 doctor's to verify that I am ok. I have been given the ok and some sleeping tablets. It is still destressing but I am trying to do everything to keep a grip. Please go to the doctor and stay safe.
The upper parts of the mood swings are a trap most people fall for and they think they're either better or that they don't want to seek help because of how it feels. I've seen it happen with a few people and lots of people on here have talked about it before and even read about it. As that internet meme goes for everyone is gay for Bridget ITS A TRAP. Or I guess in this case it would be everyone is elated for mania. You have the benefit of your mother wanting to get you help as well which some people's parents give them a hard time or like my legal guardians were uneducated and didn't know I should of been getting assistance to get through school although half my problem was severe bullying and the other half was mental illness. Hurray for things like PTSD that don't let you forget the stuff of this nature even after several years!
I see the shift in your mood here in your post and the things you were speaking about. I know that it is hard for you and now that you feel up you don't want to be treated, but I still agree that you should seek treatment. You sound like a very creative and intelligant person so I am hoping you just swallow your pride and go with your mom to get some help. You have an advocate in her now! That is such a blessing, don't waste it. You could do so much with your life, but you need to find stability. The sooner the better.
It might be worth following up on the idea of treatment not because of your parents but just to help yourself. Its easier when you have things under control. Then you actually can enjoy life more. Stability is a key aspect of this.
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