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Am I bipolar? URGENT HELP!
Okay so I think I might be bipolar. I know I should be seeing a psychiatrist in which I am in a little while but for now I just want your opinions.
Last year I was only 13 and I was depressed, never diagnosed and never really told anyone. I never self harmed because I didn't want to be bullied but i certainly thought about death and how I could kill myself. I had no energy and I was anti-social, I would send texts to my friends saying I needed to be alone and I didn't want to be around anyone. Then I started having hallucinations and paranoia. I would be so tired and I'd try to sleep but I kept hearing voices and seeing things. Then all of a sudden I was manic again. This was about after 3 months if being depressed. I was spending so much money and being extremely risky. By risky, I was spreading rumours about friends at school, I was running around with so much energy and I was extremely hyper active. Completely the opposite to being depressed and wanting to kill myself. I believed that I was some great celebrity, I had powers and the hallucinations continued. I barely slept and i was obsessed with doing well in school. The paranoia ended up getting so bad that I told my parents. My thoughts were racing and my little mouth just couldnt keep up. I couldn't concentrate and I wasn't listening in class. I would get sent out and cause trouble. I was irritable and angry therefore I would turn on my family and hurt them and try to kill them. I thought I was bipolar at first so my mum took my to my psychologist who referred me to a psychiatrist. She basically told me that I was a terribly behaved kid and a smart *** who was faking to have a problem to play my parents. She didn't even hear any of my symptoms, just asked about my favourite sports and subjects. Quite rude actually. Things began to get worse, I would go outside and sit in a puddle in the rain whilst in my uniform and i thought it was completely normal. I would race into at least 5 projects at once and switch between them because my mind couldn't concentrate. In the end i never finished any of them. In the Christmas holidays I was hit by a van and I was utterly normal for those holidays. Since then I've been manic again. This time 10x worse. I had a period of about 10 days where I was depressed and wanted to die but since then I've still been manic. I have been extremely paranoid about the neighbourhood watching me through their windows and and my mum trying to poison my food. Even customers at work trying to shoot me and nurses at the hospital trying to infuse me with poison (I have crohns disease and my treatment in an infusion). I wrote a journal for about a month and my mum found it the other day, she finally believes that i am not faking because it would be a pretty hard act to keep up for 3 years...anyway, I wrote something about wanting to shoot my dad through the pulmonary which is totally unacceptable and the other day I flipped because I had so much energy and i was irritated, i pulled out a knife on my mother. When she left to take my siblings to primary school I stayed in the garage and waited for my time to leave. I suddenly became depressed and sent my mum a message threatening to OD on my crohns medication. She came home and was like, 'jordan you're bipolar'. i am now manic again and i am going to see a psychiatrist but in the meantime would like to know your opinions. I also have voices that comment on everything i do and they tell me things about people and tell me that I'm strong and powerful and to be violent and stuff. I have been having vivid dreams that are fully coloured and extremely real and i haven't been sleeping much. BTW I am 14 now. What do you think? I think I've covered everything but if I haven't I'll just add it in the additional info box. Also, my thoughts are crazy at the moment, I can keep up, they're chopping and changing and racing back and fourth. I am obsessed with art, I do about 3 canvas's per day and I am also obsessed with Titanic, I think that I am a passenger reincarnated. I have watched the movie every night for 10 weeks and even more it work doug to be 152 times on my iTunes count. I cant take my mind off it, it's like part of me and I am overly obsessed. Also i speak 100 miles an hour because my mouth cannot keep up. I think thats it, what are your opinions?
Last year I was only 13 and I was depressed, never diagnosed and never really told anyone. I never self harmed because I didn't want to be bullied but i certainly thought about death and how I could kill myself. I had no energy and I was anti-social, I would send texts to my friends saying I needed to be alone and I didn't want to be around anyone. Then I started having hallucinations and paranoia. I would be so tired and I'd try to sleep but I kept hearing voices and seeing things. Then all of a sudden I was manic again. This was about after 3 months if being depressed. I was spending so much money and being extremely risky. By risky, I was spreading rumours about friends at school, I was running around with so much energy and I was extremely hyper active. Completely the opposite to being depressed and wanting to kill myself. I believed that I was some great celebrity, I had powers and the hallucinations continued. I barely slept and i was obsessed with doing well in school. The paranoia ended up getting so bad that I told my parents. My thoughts were racing and my little mouth just couldnt keep up. I couldn't concentrate and I wasn't listening in class. I would get sent out and cause trouble. I was irritable and angry therefore I would turn on my family and hurt them and try to kill them. I thought I was bipolar at first so my mum took my to my psychologist who referred me to a psychiatrist. She basically told me that I was a terribly behaved kid and a smart *** who was faking to have a problem to play my parents. She didn't even hear any of my symptoms, just asked about my favourite sports and subjects. Quite rude actually. Things began to get worse, I would go outside and sit in a puddle in the rain whilst in my uniform and i thought it was completely normal. I would race into at least 5 projects at once and switch between them because my mind couldn't concentrate. In the end i never finished any of them. In the Christmas holidays I was hit by a van and I was utterly normal for those holidays. Since then I've been manic again. This time 10x worse. I had a period of about 10 days where I was depressed and wanted to die but since then I've still been manic. I have been extremely paranoid about the neighbourhood watching me through their windows and and my mum trying to poison my food. Even customers at work trying to shoot me and nurses at the hospital trying to infuse me with poison (I have crohns disease and my treatment in an infusion). I wrote a journal for about a month and my mum found it the other day, she finally believes that i am not faking because it would be a pretty hard act to keep up for 3 years...anyway, I wrote something about wanting to shoot my dad through the pulmonary which is totally unacceptable and the other day I flipped because I had so much energy and i was irritated, i pulled out a knife on my mother. When she left to take my siblings to primary school I stayed in the garage and waited for my time to leave. I suddenly became depressed and sent my mum a message threatening to OD on my crohns medication. She came home and was like, 'jordan you're bipolar'. i am now manic again and i am going to see a psychiatrist but in the meantime would like to know your opinions. I also have voices that comment on everything i do and they tell me things about people and tell me that I'm strong and powerful and to be violent and stuff. I have been having vivid dreams that are fully coloured and extremely real and i haven't been sleeping much. BTW I am 14 now. What do you think? I think I've covered everything but if I haven't I'll just add it in the additional info box. Also, my thoughts are crazy at the moment, I can keep up, they're chopping and changing and racing back and fourth. I am obsessed with art, I do about 3 canvas's per day and I am also obsessed with Titanic, I think that I am a passenger reincarnated. I have watched the movie every night for 10 weeks and even more it work doug to be 152 times on my iTunes count. I cant take my mind off it, it's like part of me and I am overly obsessed. Also i speak 100 miles an hour because my mouth cannot keep up. I think thats it, what are your opinions?
Whether you are diagnosed with bipolar, schizophrenia, or something else, chances are you'll be taking the same medications, so diagnosis, although important, is not the only thing that matters. Something is going on that needs help, and you are doing the right thing by going to a psychiatrist. I know you would like answers now, but I think it is important to be patient and let the professional do their job.
The good news is that with medication chances are good you'll be able to get a more normal life. Again be patient - often the first thing you try may not work, and you likely will have side effects the first few months. Usually most of the side effects do wear off.
When you go to the psychiatrist, print out your post and let that do the talking for you, it may be easier than trying to get it all out verbally. The only thing I will say is put a few spaces in there to break it into paragraphs. It is really hard to read a post/letter that is that long without a few breaks in it.
Take care as best you can, and know that there is hope. Most people with a mental illness lead a normal life, go to school, work, eventually have a spouse and kids. And they are doing some awesome research into new medications, and treatments so things will only get better for you. When you go online most of the people are not the ones who are 'normal' the 'normal' (hate that word) ones do not need to come on, they are busy leading their lives. So don't get scared by people's stories, it is not representative of what to expect for yourself.
The good news is that with medication chances are good you'll be able to get a more normal life. Again be patient - often the first thing you try may not work, and you likely will have side effects the first few months. Usually most of the side effects do wear off.
When you go to the psychiatrist, print out your post and let that do the talking for you, it may be easier than trying to get it all out verbally. The only thing I will say is put a few spaces in there to break it into paragraphs. It is really hard to read a post/letter that is that long without a few breaks in it.
Take care as best you can, and know that there is hope. Most people with a mental illness lead a normal life, go to school, work, eventually have a spouse and kids. And they are doing some awesome research into new medications, and treatments so things will only get better for you. When you go online most of the people are not the ones who are 'normal' the 'normal' (hate that word) ones do not need to come on, they are busy leading their lives. So don't get scared by people's stories, it is not representative of what to expect for yourself.
Thanks for that, yes I do understand that only a professional can diagnose me and I am going to see on very soon. I just want to know your point of view, as you are bipolar, what are your opinions on my symptoms? Do you think that there is even the slightest possibility? I really just want to be diagnosed with whatever I have whether it be bipolar or whatever because I just want to be normal again!
Yes there is a whole spectrum of psychiatric disabilities between bipolar and schizophrenia such as bipolar with psychotic features (where the person experiences psychosis during mood swings) to schizoaffective such as I have (where the person experiences psychosis at all times). This changes of course when a person starts treatment. However there are other psychiatric disabilities as well that can cause these concerns so only a psychiatrist can provide a specific diagnosis. The best thing to do is just explain to them what is happening and when it started and if any of your thought or mood patterns change at times and when.
As regards hospitalization its not the diganosis but whether the person needs this level of help at that time and it would be worthwhile to discuss that concern with the psychiatrist and they can see what the best thing to do to follow up is. Sometimes that can be helpful to have some time to stabilize on medication but a psychiatrist is the one who needs to decide that.
As regards hospitalization its not the diganosis but whether the person needs this level of help at that time and it would be worthwhile to discuss that concern with the psychiatrist and they can see what the best thing to do to follow up is. Sometimes that can be helpful to have some time to stabilize on medication but a psychiatrist is the one who needs to decide that.
So, I'm going to see a new psychiatrist soon (mum hasn't told me when). When I go to see him/her I am completely blank as to how I explain these things. Half the time I don't even know whats going on so really the only one who can explain them is my mum. I am going to bring my journal and instead of me starting the session by explaining these things, my mum will probably start off and say that she thinks I'm Bipolar/Schizophrenia and explain why. Then the psycho lady will probably ask me how I'm feeling and yada yada yada, so I think I might tell her that it's really difficult for me to explain so I will pass her my journal so she can ask the questions. I just wanna avoid the same thing that happened last time, I never got to explain my symptoms in full because I was just rushing so she never knew much about me. Also, is it possible to experience psychosis whilst in a manic or depressed state? I read something about it yesterday and whilst it is a schizophrenic characteristic, is it also a Bipolar characteristic? Lastly, if I do receive this diagnosis, do you think that I will be admitted to the psych ward? The hospital I go to is a womens and children's hospital therefore it is an adolescent psych ward, nothing too extreme. I would voluntarily offer to be admitted because I cannot control myself, I don't know what I'm capable of...nobody does. I just want my family to be safe!
The important thing to understand is that all this is treatable. Here is some information on bipolar that you could discuss with your psychiatrist:
http://www.medhelp.org/tags/health_page/139058/Mental-Emotional-Health/Useful-Bipolar--Depression-Webisites?hp_id=523
http://www.medhelp.org/tags/health_page/139058/Mental-Emotional-Health/Useful-Bipolar--Depression-Webisites?hp_id=523
Yes this is really hard to say. Some of what you are describing sounds like rapid cycling. Other aspects of what you are describing sound like a mixed state that can have aspects of both mania and depression. Some of the thoughts you are describing could potentially have aspects of psychosis.
All of this can occur in bipolar but follow up needs to be done first. However only a psychiatrist could understand this in full but its important that you discuss all this with them at the appointment.
All of this can occur in bipolar but follow up needs to be done first. However only a psychiatrist could understand this in full but its important that you discuss all this with them at the appointment.
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