Anywhere but here

[Jess0953]

I do not get feelings of elation I get severly aggressive,paranoid and delusional accompanied with Depression.I have always taken my medicine but its like it stops working after awhile.Currently this episode has continued for over two months.Despite all my best efforts (Hospitilizing myself,readjusting meds,counseling) I am not well,AT ALL. To be trapped in this brain for 5 minutes is pure agonizing hell. I feel like I am wading through a dream,everything is fuzzy and foggy, nothing is "real".I have to get off the planet Earth,I fear the ground will open up and I will fall into the vacummn of space,I fear the sky,since it will suck me up and eveything else is just mere molecular curtains.NOWHERE IS SAFE!! I am just a pair of floating eyeballs the rest of my body does not exist.I get no rest with sleep as my dreams are lucid and I can not escape my brain therefore I stay awake not out of Mania but there is no point in it. I need serious intervention or I'm about to break! What can I do? I had to quit work,I have no insurance/money and Im currently borderline homeless...What a tailspin into hell.

[falloutmommy]

I'm not a doctor but sounds like mixed episodes.  I get that as well.  The extreme irritability, aggressiveness etc w/o elation/euphoria is something called dysphoric mania.  

As for the job/homeless etc I would highly recommend applying for social security disability.  I am 26 and just got approved and it lifts a heavy burden from your shoulders.  Bipolar is one of the conditions that has a specific set of symptoms that they will look at to decide whether or not you are disabled.  Make sure that you continue treatment, apply for medicaid - if you aren't working and have no insurance you should qualify.  

I wish the best for you and hope that things start to look up

[ILADVOCATE]

It sounds like the medication you are taking might not be working and also you might be experiencing some standard side effects (especially of older medications such as cognitive confusion). It would be worthwhile to speak to your psychiatrist about available options as regards medication. This is a list:
http://www.psycheducation.org/depression/meds/moodstabilizers.htm
As for how to stabilize your current situation it would make sense to apply for SSI and then you could be eligible for supported housing (which is for a person with a psychiatric disability but aside from a once a month visit from a social worker the person lives independently). You could find out more at your local independent living center:
http://www.ilru.org/html/publications/directory/index.html