Attitude

[marko45]

Does everyone newly diagnosed with BP have a poor pitiful me attitude or am I really, really crazy?

[freebird227]

I knew long be-fore a doctor told me that things were gravely wrong with the way I moved about in the world. The mood swings were so extream So when I got my  diagnosis I was actually relieved. Then I started my meds and I could not believe that any one could feel so well.Well this lasted well over 6 to9 months and I started having breakthrough of highs and lows again. And so began my frustation with " tweeking meds "When I rapid cycle and go into a depressive state I usually get pissed a my meds When my depression paralyzes me then I get angry that I have  this mood dis-order....But as you can tell everyone is different and has different experiences...I couldn't grieve something that by it's very nature was robbing me of having a productive. life....best wishes....and keep talking til you come to terms with it

[irishwriter]

not really a 'poor me' attitude. i just wish people would accept it as an actual disease and be more supportive (not here obviously!) in my life. with a brother who completed suicide, another one diagnosed with bipolar who refuses to take meds and is constantly manic, a sister with major depression and several other members of the family undiagnosed one would thing they would understand a bit more. i wont even go into friends who refuse to even try to understand. pdoc asked me today why i was surprised about lack of support about family when it has always been this way. i replied that yeah it is a bit of a contradiction to be an eternal optimist with deep depression!

[alzandra]

I have the "why me's" and pity parties during depression.  What can I say?  A party during a depression should cheer me up, right? Haha.

I didn't have a poor attitude when I was first diagnosed.  In fact, I questioned it, thinking that I really was seeing a crazy doctor.  Denial has been my friend numerous times in my illness.  Then, my friend must leave when the truth rears its ugly head in the form of a deep depression or a hypomanic state.

[elwoodsf]

Great posts here. Very infomative. I too have the "why me" blues occasionally. When I was first diagnosed I was happy that my "problems" were related to an illness. Doesn't that mean it will go away? I realize now that BP is controlled through meds and is not cured as I had hoped. I still have times during my depression when I cry, get angry and ask myself "why me". I know these times pass but not fast enough for me LOL. I want it now. I call my BP a disease and treat it as such. One doctor likened my BP to diabites when I kept stopping my meds. He asked me if I would stop my insulin. No. So why stop your meds? It was when I stopped my meds the last time and ended up in the hospital, sitting at the psych groups (as IL mentioned), getting nothing done that I realized I need my meds. Oh, and during my vacation in the hospital I had my shoes stolen!!! I have nice shoes and I'm not going back anytime soon. If and when I do go back on vacation I am taking my red slippers. My friends joke with me now, asking me if I need to pack up my red slippers. Makes me laugh everytime.

Welcome to the forum. I hope you get the support you need. We need you here too.

[bernie40]

I don't have the "poor me" attitude right at this moment but it does come and go.  Its more of a "Why Me?"  I get frustrated that the illness gets in the way of some of the things I want to do.  However, I have seen that people can lead normal lives and have careers despite the illness and this has given me great hope.

On here we are a real mixed bunch, different backgrounds, different lives but with the common denominator being the BP and that brings us together.

We support each other, we laugh, we share stories and trust me it really really helps.

Welcome to the forum, I'm sure you'll make many friends on here.

[marko45]

OMG, thank you all so much for the insight!  My wife says my key words are "I have health issues" and I know that I do...but I think NO ONE understands and I so desperatly want them and her to understand.  Right now I do define who I am with my illness, today I say let the battle begin!   Thank you all for your insight, with hopes this will put me on the right track.

[ILADVOCATE]

Well even I had this attitude at first and of course yes in a depressive state self pity and indeed self hatred are part of it but it was for myself with schizoaffective disorder the strong medications I was on (Haldol and the like, all that was available at the time) and their heavy side effects, including increasing depression made it worse. My psychiatrist at the time when I said "why me?" said "dammit (my name) stop feeling sorry for yourself!!" and it actually frightened me that he got that angry and I never opened up to him again. Another psychiatrist said "you have a serious disease and you need serious medication". The reason I have talked about the independent living perspective is that my attitude changed after that and it was way before my recovery with the current experimental antipsychotic I am on.
  When I first went to the Clozaril clinic, I naturally took a sick leave but went on pass one day to represent someone for benefits and yes it was hard but I felt it an obligation. And days later, at "group" (let me be honest, hate these things in psych. hospitals, nothing gets done at least this one was somewhat more constructive) discussing vocational options the social worker there let me describe some ideas and after leaving the partial day hospital I came back and did a presentation on how to return to work and how it affected benefits at her request.
   There are two forms of self pity, the first is part of depression and yes I've experienced it too. The second by society and sometimes by the very people who treat us and that form of self pity we have to fight and in doing so I believe it helps in our recovery because the moment I stopped saying "sick" and "ill" (although yes what I have would fall in these categories) and said "I am a person with a psychiatric disability" and thought in that manner and as medication being there for my recovery and needing it for that purpose not to "stay out of the hospital" (the worst way to think of it, out of fear) was when I first began to accept myself and wanted to stay on medication as well and then other people around me began to accept me as well and yes it does take a while. Not all people may agree with the independent living perspective but self acceptance is a key part of recovery. With what's going on now physically if I had any self pity left, I might not be around and that's no exageration...

[LetaB]

  I don't know if Marko specifically was saying that the "poor pitiful me" was BECAUSE we were identified as BPs or if it's a symptom. My oldest sister who is not afflicted with this calls my depression "self pity".  I guess with the touch of envy and suicidal depression that it looks a lot like self pity to the uninitiated but it goes with the territory.

[LeftCoastChick]

I had that for the first month or so, I was so upset about being diagnosed. BUT once I started talking about it, (this place has really helped) I've gotten over my shame. I know  at least what's going on, I know how to deal with it and and much about self care. IF you get stuck in the what I call the "pity party phase", you'll never move on to accepting it and learning ways to cope and be on top of it!

Lots of good folks here with incredible insight :) There's no such thing as a stupid question.

[monkeyc]

I dont havea poor me attitude - I dont blame myself and while the disease causes certain behaviours I try hard not to blame the disease for things - thats too easy.

Yes I feel bad that I have this and I hate this but the reality is you have to learn to think past it - the disease does not define who you are.

There are a lot of people worse off than us bipolars - thats an important thing to remember I think.

[lagatta]

I’ve been newly diagnosed as well and I’m constantly agonizing over it.  It’s difficult to swallow the fact that I have a psychiatric disorder.   I grew up in a dysfunctional family and always thought they were the crazy ones!  I also used to blame most of my problems on them and now to accept that my BP II disorder is part of the problem is hard.  I’ve always been super-sensible and logical in so many ways and although I saw a few different physiologists for depression none of the recognized it as BP.  In fact, all of them were really fascinated by me because I’m such a conundrum.  

[aadel]

Hey Marko,

It's been years since my diagnosis, and I still feel sorry for myself.  It's the nature of the beast, and it's also part of my temperamental make-up.  When you are really passing through a low stretch, it would be almost unnatural not to feel sorry for yourself, even if just a little bit.  Depression by its very definition consists of feeling sad, desperate, hopeless, and hard done by.  If you don't feel at all like "poor pitiful me," you probably aren't depressed.

I think the most important question is not whether you feel self-pity; the most important question is whether you succumb to it.  There are things we can do to counteract  these dark feelings (without repressing them), and this is what we want to focus on when we're down.

All the best!

[jst4shanell]

You are not crazy.  It's normal to feel like you are abnormal.  But you  are not.  I felt sorry for myself for about 8 months to a year.  It's different for everybody.  I hated the fact that I woke up every morning and took medication that reminded me I was BP.  Over time I accepted it and learned to appreciate those medications.  There are so many people out there that can't even afford it.  Sad.  Your kind of in mourning and you will go through the stages.  Remember that you have a physical illness.  Your brain is the most important part of your body.  There's no reason to think it's just an emotional thing.  It's easy to do.  Support groups really helped me get through those times.  NAMI usually has pretty good ones.