BP & Sexual Promiscuity

[BeeKeeper]

Please understan that I am not trying to use BP as an excuse, but for anyone that has been affected by this side of BP, I'd really like to hear your thoughts.  I've had a history of sexual promiscuity over the past 20 years - either emotional or physical.  Until recently diagnosed with severe depression and then BP, and until I started really - daily - tracking what's going on with me, did I give this pattern any thought.  Needless to say it has ruined a marriage and relationships and has been the catalyst for many suicidal thoughts.

The pattern has been when I get into a depressed place I turn for "comfort" to someone I want to believe can help...unfortunately it has not been the person I should be turning to like my spouse.  These actions are not planned or premediated, but more of an action of opportunity and desperation.  It is absolutely not a reflection of my love for my spouse..it's just a reaction...something I can't explain nor excuse.  I have always been extremely sorry for my actions after the fact...and part of my depression now is that I can not forgive myself for the things i've done and the people i've hurt.

So the questions I would ask:
. How do you forgive yourself for this behavior?
. How do you "bend" this emotion/reaction to where you turn to the right person?
. Past history has repeated itself so many times that even though I know it is wrong, i'm scared of being in any relationship for fear of this happening again.  What do i do with that?

As always to the folks here who have helped me get a handle on this relatively new diagnosis, your thoughts are appreciated.

[Jekyllnhyde]

I've been in a 2yr relationship, and I started cheating about 6 months into the relationship. Eventually, I confessed it to him and he was able to forgive me. I swore never to do it again, and I would even have nightmares about me cheating on him. Sure enough, it happened again! Now I'm left with this feeling of guilt that consumes me every day. I know I can't tell him because it will destroy him, and I do love him. I love him more than anything. Now I know that I cannot do this alone. I need professional help, and fast, because my disorder will be the end of my relationship and my happiness. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. It's almost like you're divided into two people: the person you really are and the person that you become due to this disorder. I hope everyone here can lead productive and happy lives. Wish me luck...I sure need it.

[lala205]

God has the answers to evrything. ask Him, and i guarantee you that He'll give you not just all the answers but also all the solutions you'll ever need.

[TwoSidedCoin]

I am 29 years old and was diagnosed as being bipolar in my teens. That occured when my Mom was just finding out about the sexual abuse I was getting from my Father and so I never dealt with it. I've just lived with it.  I had completely put it out of my mind, but recently started sleeping with my boss.  I have since quit that job, which broke my heart because I loved it, and am terrified that I will just repeat the same behavior at a new job.  I've always been sexually promiscuous.  It's not like I seek it out, it's like I freeze up and can never just say "NO".  Sometimes it feels like the words are just stuck in my throat and I can't get them out.  My neighbor is bi-polar and she has encouraged me to get help, but at the same time she is trying to get me to go to the bars and have threesomes with her and her husband.  I feel completely lost and disgusting, I hate even looking at myself in the mirror.  I just feel like if people knew the real me that's lurking just below the surface, they would stay the hell away from me. I just always feel so lonely and guilty all the time that the "manic" periods are like a blessing. For a brief time I actually like myself and I feel like I can take on the world. Then the voices kick in, not like other people's voices that I hear in my head, it's more like my own, Just constantly spewing criticism and telling me what a piece of crap I am. I'm so lost. I came across this board today, maybe it will help to know that I'm not the only one. Please help me.

[busykitties]

Hi.  I fully sympathize. I have never married as when that dam mania hits I have no boundaries in check, I feel like I am superwoman, and I have had dangerous encounters that I regret very much now on a promiscuous level.  It was really dangerous too.  I met this strange guy that I found out was married with six kids, in a stairwell in a downtown car garage.  He could have killed me, raped me.  Yet, it didn't stop there.  I was watching porn at an alarming rate which I have never been interested before.  My libido was through the roof and I was out of control.  I met guys online...some didn't show at all.  Today, my psychiatrist has me on an army of drugs and these meds have also killed my sexual libido.  How sad is that ya know?!  From one extreme and yet to another extreme to control it.  That is what is working for me presently and a lot of support from my friends who do not judge me and really care about me.  I am blessed.  I hope this is some help for you.  Take care.  I wish you wellness.  

[rogelio63]

I spoke with my psych NP about this very thing this week.  I've been in denial about my being bipolar for quite a while.  My wife knows about some of it but not all,,I think it would ruin us.  Even though she's much more understanding about it now I don't think she would chalk it up to the BP.  Even when money was a problem, I've gone out and spent $100 on a "massage", felt like a piece of sh*t, cried in the car as I leave, and before I get home, stop for another "massage" and spent the last of my money.  Prayed and prayed and asked God to help me, and felt like he did.  And then, 2 or 3 weeks later, go out and do it again.  Almost like he wasn't holding it against me so much because he knew there was something wrong.
I love my wife, she's awesome, beautiful and we have a great sex life.  But I'll swear,,sometimes I've been like a salmon going to spawn,,and I HATE THAT.
I just hope that now that I've finally come to grips with it, and am getting treatment for it, I can change and be the one woman man I should be.  

[ILADVOCATE]

Having bipolar can cause this kind of behavior but this more sounds like a relationship issue (even if she has bipolar or should see a psychiatrist). If you read through the posts, everyone, including myself had lapses in judgment but we all came to an understanding of it afterwards. If she does have symptoms of bipolar she should see a psychiatrist. If not then a relationship therapist might work. But to me (I am not sure) she may be trying to rationalize her behavior to you. I'm not sure if she is aware that the end goal of medication, talk therapy or cognitive behavioral therapy is for this to stop. Unless her judgment in other areas is so lacking that she needs immediate help I would say as difficult as it sounds that part of her knows this is wrong and doesn't want to control it and it might be best to move on in terms of relationships. Just my take.