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Bipolar Disorder
is it safe to marry someone with bipolar disorder even when the person is on medication? what are the risks? or is it safe? What Should I be doing?
I'm BP1 and I've been married 8 years. We have a very good marriage, we're best friends, we have 2 kids (5 and 6 yo)...
My husband understood me before, but he really understands me now.
I think it's important that there's extensive trust there. I trust my husband to tell me when I need help if I'm not recognizing it - and understand that he means well - some people with mental illness would be offended, and of course, some people would take advantage of their spouse and blame any argument on bipolar and tell them they need help. He's never pulled that type of b.s., and I always trust him when he tells me I probably need to see my psych.
You have to fully understand your significant other's disorder (bipolar is different for everyone) and have an agreement beforehand, in my opinion. If they're a manic spender, have an agreement that you can pull the financial access. Have an agreement that they'll get help if you notice symptoms. And make sure your significant other understands you won't use those to bully them... because I could see how with the wrong person, it could get to that point...
Anyway, it's totally safe.
Just thinking out loud though, when my husband found out, it wasn't 'if' he could live with it, it was 'what' he could do to live with it. Just an observation on the wording choice...
Good luck with whatever you choose.
My husband understood me before, but he really understands me now.
I think it's important that there's extensive trust there. I trust my husband to tell me when I need help if I'm not recognizing it - and understand that he means well - some people with mental illness would be offended, and of course, some people would take advantage of their spouse and blame any argument on bipolar and tell them they need help. He's never pulled that type of b.s., and I always trust him when he tells me I probably need to see my psych.
You have to fully understand your significant other's disorder (bipolar is different for everyone) and have an agreement beforehand, in my opinion. If they're a manic spender, have an agreement that you can pull the financial access. Have an agreement that they'll get help if you notice symptoms. And make sure your significant other understands you won't use those to bully them... because I could see how with the wrong person, it could get to that point...
Anyway, it's totally safe.
Just thinking out loud though, when my husband found out, it wasn't 'if' he could live with it, it was 'what' he could do to live with it. Just an observation on the wording choice...
Good luck with whatever you choose.
I am married 6 years and have bipolar 2. I have had a few episodes during that time. I was diagnosed 2 years into our marriage. The last episode was a biggy and lasted six months and I am still climbing out of it. It has brought us closer together because I know he meant the 'for better or worse' part of his marriage vows. I am now on meds that are really helping. It isn't unusual for it to take years to get the right medication mix. It sounds like your guy is on good medications and that makes all the difference.
Reality is you could have a stroke 3 months into the marriage and need help the rest of your life. That is why the vows are 'for better or worse' - you really can not predict the future. His or yours. At least you know what is a challenge for him moving forward. As his wife it would be important to encourage him to take his medication if he talks about going off it which sometimes happens people with bipolar (but this is true for any medication - you start to feel better so you don't think you need it). It is important to be a support without being a nag.
If he has shown signs of abuse or rage - I would not proceed with a marriage. Bipolar can make those things worse because it affects moods. If he is a generally well rounded person who truly loves you - I'd think it worth the risk. But you have to make that decision for yourself.
And you two need to sit down and talk. You can say "I am trying to understand bipolar disorder, could you tell me what it is like when you have an episode?" And if he says he doesn't really remember he is not avoiding the question. It is fairly common for people with bipolar disorder to not remember the details of episodes.
I am not saying it is always easy to live with someone who had bipolar disorder at times but if you truly love him it is something you can get through and have it grow a deeper relationship with each other. Most people with bipolar live full and satisfied lives. And as an aside - don't let email posts scare the crap out of you. People with issues need posting sites, people who don't (which is the majority) have no need to visit posting sites.
You must decide if you have a love big enough to love this man for the rest of his life. He deserves that. Some doubt about whether or not you'd be able to handle a situation (which may or may not happen) is realistic. I get the feeling you need reassurance. I don't think you would post on a bipolar site expecting people to say 'don't marry him'.
Reality is you could have a stroke 3 months into the marriage and need help the rest of your life. That is why the vows are 'for better or worse' - you really can not predict the future. His or yours. At least you know what is a challenge for him moving forward. As his wife it would be important to encourage him to take his medication if he talks about going off it which sometimes happens people with bipolar (but this is true for any medication - you start to feel better so you don't think you need it). It is important to be a support without being a nag.
If he has shown signs of abuse or rage - I would not proceed with a marriage. Bipolar can make those things worse because it affects moods. If he is a generally well rounded person who truly loves you - I'd think it worth the risk. But you have to make that decision for yourself.
And you two need to sit down and talk. You can say "I am trying to understand bipolar disorder, could you tell me what it is like when you have an episode?" And if he says he doesn't really remember he is not avoiding the question. It is fairly common for people with bipolar disorder to not remember the details of episodes.
I am not saying it is always easy to live with someone who had bipolar disorder at times but if you truly love him it is something you can get through and have it grow a deeper relationship with each other. Most people with bipolar live full and satisfied lives. And as an aside - don't let email posts scare the crap out of you. People with issues need posting sites, people who don't (which is the majority) have no need to visit posting sites.
You must decide if you have a love big enough to love this man for the rest of his life. He deserves that. Some doubt about whether or not you'd be able to handle a situation (which may or may not happen) is realistic. I get the feeling you need reassurance. I don't think you would post on a bipolar site expecting people to say 'don't marry him'.
I also forgot to mention some people don't respond well to any medications out there unfortunately so for some people there might not be a right medication yet.
It can be tough but if you love the person enough and are willing to be there for them then I don't see why you shouldn't get married. If they find the right medications they can stop most, if not all episodes of depression and mania. Join a NAMI support group in your area to help learn how to cope with a loved one's mental illness. There are definitely challenges associated with bipolar disorder but these can possibly be overcome.
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