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Bipolar Relationships
This might be a stupid question. But for those who have bipolar (like me) how are you able to have relationships. Me I have never been in one or in love, Just lust when those manic days hit and this cause me to try for a relationship for all the wrong reasons. So how are you able to do it.
I sympathise with you my friend I am 47 years old have had countless boyfriends and am incapable of having a loving relationship because im so insecure i ruin everything wish you were here so i could give you a big hug x I dont have a problem with men falling in love with me i just seem to mess it up when there isnt anything wrong . maybe im so aware that im different that i dont believe that someone could love me for who i am. I have bi polar trigiminal neuralgia and severe muscle spasms in back 2 gifted daughters and my son is 18 profoundly brain damaged blind and epeleptic but i have been there for him for 18 years and im so worn out that i sometimes wish i could end it all but for the love of my son David i carry on but im exhausted lots of love to you my friend R os xxx
Being bi-polar makes it really hard on a relationship. If you could get stable and not have ups and downs, it would surely make it easier. I was not diagnosed until late in life. Why I didn't completely break before I don't know. I was in my 40's. I can look back and see things I did that had I went to a doctor, I would have been diagnosed way before that. I went through quite a few relationships. I have been with my husband now, for near 21 yrs. now. Our 19 anniversary just past. I drank a lot for a few years, and actually think that got me through a lot of it in the first few years. I had a big episode about 10 years ago, which is when I found I was bi-polar. My husband told me he nearly left me. He said he thought about it, but then realized I needed him more than ever. I did. If I had not been blessed with a loving man with a dedicated heart, that had a deep love for me, I would have lost him. I don't know about others that have made it through a relationship, but I can say I met the right man that stuck beside me. I have been blessed.
I think we have a fear that we will do something wrong and get our hearts broke because inside we don't want someone to get that close. That is one thing we can control. So, we don't put feeling into the relationship or will find a reason to detach by doing something, or just breaking it off. I had a friend that I cared about like a sister. I would get an overwhelming feeling that I was going to do something to loose that friendship. I lost it. Everyone said it was her, but I don't know. I always wonder. I went to her when I knew our closeness was in trouble and asked her if I did something wrong that I didn't realize what I did. She said no, but our friendship stopped. It hurt me so bad that I haven't bothered to have any friend that I am close to anymore. I have some aquaintances, but no one close. It must be me. I guess bi-polar ups and downs are going to affect our relationships one way or the other. We don't want to say hey, I'm bi-polar, so excuse me if I offend you. People that aren't, mostly think we are crazy people and don't want to be around. Either way it is going to affect that relationship. It is like this, there are plenty of moody people that aren't bi-polar, and ones that feel superior, so we are not actually all that bad. They are just loosey people. We do have a actual diagnosed problem. They have no excuse. I try to control myself as much as I can around my husband. I do my crying, and try to get my depression out when he is at work or say I don't feel good and go to bed. I get hit with those short tempered, I don't care moods and I try to control them, but that gets me in trouble. He knows I can't help it, and it will pass, and I can say, I'm sorry just let me get through this and I will be okay. That wouldn't work in new relationships though. I guess we all wonder why us.
I think we have a fear that we will do something wrong and get our hearts broke because inside we don't want someone to get that close. That is one thing we can control. So, we don't put feeling into the relationship or will find a reason to detach by doing something, or just breaking it off. I had a friend that I cared about like a sister. I would get an overwhelming feeling that I was going to do something to loose that friendship. I lost it. Everyone said it was her, but I don't know. I always wonder. I went to her when I knew our closeness was in trouble and asked her if I did something wrong that I didn't realize what I did. She said no, but our friendship stopped. It hurt me so bad that I haven't bothered to have any friend that I am close to anymore. I have some aquaintances, but no one close. It must be me. I guess bi-polar ups and downs are going to affect our relationships one way or the other. We don't want to say hey, I'm bi-polar, so excuse me if I offend you. People that aren't, mostly think we are crazy people and don't want to be around. Either way it is going to affect that relationship. It is like this, there are plenty of moody people that aren't bi-polar, and ones that feel superior, so we are not actually all that bad. They are just loosey people. We do have a actual diagnosed problem. They have no excuse. I try to control myself as much as I can around my husband. I do my crying, and try to get my depression out when he is at work or say I don't feel good and go to bed. I get hit with those short tempered, I don't care moods and I try to control them, but that gets me in trouble. He knows I can't help it, and it will pass, and I can say, I'm sorry just let me get through this and I will be okay. That wouldn't work in new relationships though. I guess we all wonder why us.
I have been married 23 years to my hubby as of this month on the 18th.
I was definatly bi polar when we married but we didnt kn ow there was a name for it. LOL
Hubby was the one who told me to get help and he would stick by me throught thick and thin.( and he has.) but if I didnt get help he was going to leave. So I really ,truly, love him so I got help.
Its been a wild ride that isnt over yet.Every day is a new adventure.
Love Venora
I was definatly bi polar when we married but we didnt kn ow there was a name for it. LOL
Hubby was the one who told me to get help and he would stick by me throught thick and thin.( and he has.) but if I didnt get help he was going to leave. So I really ,truly, love him so I got help.
Its been a wild ride that isnt over yet.Every day is a new adventure.
Love Venora
I don't think I honestly will be able to maintain a relationship - I have been mostly single the last 10 yrs of my life - and when I have dated, my choices have been less then stellar . I'm wondering now that I know my behaviours and *own* them, will I have more success?
I have had several good relationships with good men. Although I left two of them in impulsive tamtrums. Looking back I was irritable and easily angered - symptoms of bipolar which I wasn't being treated for. I was married to a man who worked in the mental health field and loved me very much. But he was a very angry person and with my sensitivity I couldn't take it. I also don't think my depression wasn't well controlled. I'm very insecure relationship-wise right now, but deep inside I know I have something to offer, despite my illness.
Its an interesting question - My wife did not know I was bipolar when we married because I was in denial and for 10 years we have known each other and 6 years of marriage everything was fine, I was under control and everything was normal - sure I had lots of energy all the time (hypomanic is my default state) and things hard to run to my routine and sure I was irritable and often easy to anger but that wasnt the bipolar I had been told about right?
Sure. Then a year ago along comes circumstances and suddenly shes living with someone who is not only full tilt manic he's full tilt psychotic manic. Things get better with medication and acceptance and now my life is back to normal most days however its not is it fellow bipolars..
My wife has borne a lot of this, partners do but you can hold down a relationship - the big key we have found is you must be open and honest about everything because there are 2 of you in the relationship not 1 - a lot of bipolar's I have met in various groups and counselling are on the selfish or self obsessed side, this isnt a bad thing because most of us just plain do not realise we are like that - if you look at your world you find all these structures you have in place to cope and survive and when those get messed with its a bad thing and so you become a bit selfish at times.
To make our relationship work we have had to work had on communication, my wife has read everything she can find on bipolar and we have had to work with the behaviours nor against them - as a partner she would say she has had to realise that I dont react to things like she does, little things can become big things very fast but I also have had to realise that little things don't need to be big things.
Its a 2 way street but believe me there are people out there who will love you for who you are, bipolar and all, make sure you are being true to yourself and understand yourself and keep at it - insecurity and lack of self confidence are common to us all, but you can find the right person.
Trust me being open and honest works because after 10 years its damn hard to admit to someone you love that you have tried to kill yourself before.. thats a hard pill for someone to swallow and i think most bipolar sufferers here who have been thru long periods of depression and major events will tell you that it can be just the tip of the iceberg.
Hang in there, find some positive people to talk to and trust in yourself - the most important thing I do every day is look in the mirror and remind myself I am a good person - its a little thing but you would be surprised how much it can help some days to look at the positive things in your life.
Sure. Then a year ago along comes circumstances and suddenly shes living with someone who is not only full tilt manic he's full tilt psychotic manic. Things get better with medication and acceptance and now my life is back to normal most days however its not is it fellow bipolars..
My wife has borne a lot of this, partners do but you can hold down a relationship - the big key we have found is you must be open and honest about everything because there are 2 of you in the relationship not 1 - a lot of bipolar's I have met in various groups and counselling are on the selfish or self obsessed side, this isnt a bad thing because most of us just plain do not realise we are like that - if you look at your world you find all these structures you have in place to cope and survive and when those get messed with its a bad thing and so you become a bit selfish at times.
To make our relationship work we have had to work had on communication, my wife has read everything she can find on bipolar and we have had to work with the behaviours nor against them - as a partner she would say she has had to realise that I dont react to things like she does, little things can become big things very fast but I also have had to realise that little things don't need to be big things.
Its a 2 way street but believe me there are people out there who will love you for who you are, bipolar and all, make sure you are being true to yourself and understand yourself and keep at it - insecurity and lack of self confidence are common to us all, but you can find the right person.
Trust me being open and honest works because after 10 years its damn hard to admit to someone you love that you have tried to kill yourself before.. thats a hard pill for someone to swallow and i think most bipolar sufferers here who have been thru long periods of depression and major events will tell you that it can be just the tip of the iceberg.
Hang in there, find some positive people to talk to and trust in yourself - the most important thing I do every day is look in the mirror and remind myself I am a good person - its a little thing but you would be surprised how much it can help some days to look at the positive things in your life.
Don't give up on having a relationship, they can work even with bipolar. It does take a special kind of person to put up with us but there are patient and understanding people out there - and to look on the positive side we are a pretty quirky and interesting group!
Always be honest and true to yourself.
All the best.
Always be honest and true to yourself.
All the best.
Thanks again to all of those who replied. I am even surprised that those who responded been in relationships for a long, long time. Even though in my manic phase I will make myself not to give in temptation and make myself well. Even though it is hard. Although the meds are not working right now I will not give up until I get the right ones so I can focus. I will not let this illness rule me, I will rule it.:)
I just broke up a relationship two days ago of three years. We were going to move in together. He is ex military and very .....orderly as well as demanding, and overly positive. He is the boyfriend who finally brought me to the doctor to see if I could be "fixed" cause there was something wrong. But in the meantime, after being diagnosed, taking pills, joining this forum, buying books, doing all that I can, he doesn't think I am fighting it as hard as I can....and that this disorder is taking up too much room in our relationship. Then my I got told that my son meets alot of criteria for juvenile bipolar disorder so imagine him living with the two of us....so I was left depleted....thinking I will never get anyone again....this guy really didn't do much for my self esteem...he was so critical. I love him though.
Secondly, an old boyfriend....like when I was 18 and living on my own...or rather with him....contacted me recently....god love the Facebook eh...anyway..I took my chance and asked him how I was with him.....and his answer was that I was always extreme in my highs or lows but I was always supportive of him.....and in his eyes a sweetheart....so to try and get and get someone because they will be lucky...isn't that sweet? So I guess I can....i am very scared though....cause even my marriage was torn apart by this disorder and a manic phase.
Secondly, an old boyfriend....like when I was 18 and living on my own...or rather with him....contacted me recently....god love the Facebook eh...anyway..I took my chance and asked him how I was with him.....and his answer was that I was always extreme in my highs or lows but I was always supportive of him.....and in his eyes a sweetheart....so to try and get and get someone because they will be lucky...isn't that sweet? So I guess I can....i am very scared though....cause even my marriage was torn apart by this disorder and a manic phase.
Yes it do get difficult mainly because of the fact I do have trust issues, and I never been in love.
Hi everyone, I've been reading your posts and can identify with all that is said. Meds that stabalize me have me bland. When I am stable, such as now, the slightest wrong med for the other illness I have FM, can set off terrible intolerance in me.
Zyrtec sent me into a wild manic phase that had me intensely verbal, and physically assertive. Thank God it only lasted three days.
My husband spins not knowing what is the condition and what is me. The answer, the condition is me. Its me that has it. If I'm intolerant, he gets nasty back. I try to explain, it just explodes out of me, when he frustrates me, and he feels it isn't necessary. It isn't necessary, but it is what happens. I don't like it. But fighting back doesn't help. I ask he understand. I have a double whammy with the Fibromyalgia and bi polar illness. Some days, weeks, I am cranky just because I'm sick of feeling sick.
I like the manic phase too but the crash is the pits. The problem with the manic phase is the plans I make like committing to doing a painting, then depression hits and it takes so long for me to pick up a paint brush. I lose people that way. I do not want to do commissions anymore because of it and pain.
Follow through is my most difficult problem. I cannot plan dinners, unless its for that day.
Effexor had me depressed for two years and with a headache.
Thanks for the thread
Zyrtec sent me into a wild manic phase that had me intensely verbal, and physically assertive. Thank God it only lasted three days.
My husband spins not knowing what is the condition and what is me. The answer, the condition is me. Its me that has it. If I'm intolerant, he gets nasty back. I try to explain, it just explodes out of me, when he frustrates me, and he feels it isn't necessary. It isn't necessary, but it is what happens. I don't like it. But fighting back doesn't help. I ask he understand. I have a double whammy with the Fibromyalgia and bi polar illness. Some days, weeks, I am cranky just because I'm sick of feeling sick.
I like the manic phase too but the crash is the pits. The problem with the manic phase is the plans I make like committing to doing a painting, then depression hits and it takes so long for me to pick up a paint brush. I lose people that way. I do not want to do commissions anymore because of it and pain.
Follow through is my most difficult problem. I cannot plan dinners, unless its for that day.
Effexor had me depressed for two years and with a headache.
Thanks for the thread
I've been in two serious relationships. Both of my partners were also bipolar. The first relationship ended after 8 years because he was abusive. The relationship I am in now is one of understanding, communication, respect and love. It can happen!
It is possible to have relationships if you are bipolar or your partner is. Personally im only 19 so dont have decades of experience to speak of but over the last 5 years i have found it very hard to have any serious relationships. Bipolar doesnt just make you feel like **** it completely warps your perceptions and sense of reality and everything even your own thoughts seem to be going against you in every way.. you just need to remember things are slipping back.
If you feel like your worthless and wont ever have a relationship those thoughts will pass they always do with time, even if they come back they always pass. Have you ever told anyone you like that you are bipolar to see if they understand?
If you feel like your worthless and wont ever have a relationship those thoughts will pass they always do with time, even if they come back they always pass. Have you ever told anyone you like that you are bipolar to see if they understand?
i agree with bulldozer! it does take a very special person 2 deal with us. my husband has stayed with me thru drug addiction, bi-polar, depression, and we meet when i was 6 months preg and all alone. let me put it to u this way when u meet the right one, and he sticks around no matter what, at least u know he loves u 4 u! ok just take it slow =)
*mare~bear*
*mare~bear*
Hi!
I have Bipolar also and fortunately for me I have a wonderful husband who has stood by through some pretty rough times.. I was first diagnosed when I had an episode and left him and soon after ended up in hospital... I have two beautiful children and I will never forget how it made them feel seeing me crazy and then ending up in hospital.
I honestly believe you will one day meet the right person and they will love you for you. One thing you need to remember is that you are not "Bipolar" you are you!!! Bipolar is just a condition that you live with... and so you will live and share your life with someone one day and when the time is right.
One of our struggles is our intimacy, I don't have a sex drive, although I love him and want him and need him when it comes to it I feel tired and depressed and no energy which is weird because I really want to make love to him and often think about it but as I said doing it is just too hard....(I'm constantly thinking but I don't know what it is that I am thinking-go figure) I'm attracted to him so I believe it is my condition (bipolar) so If anyone has an answer to that issue for me I would love to hear from them... Having Bipolar as part of your life is hard work but just like anything in your life you must work at it and never give up no matter what!!!! My advice is to not tell someone that your interested in that you live with Bipolar and you make sure that you take your time and go slow and give a little bit more of yourself each time and when your ready, If the person really really likes you they will also live with you and Bipolar... I really feel for you and for everyone who lives with this condition may it be the person diagnosed or caring for. All I know is that we all need to talk about it more, support each other and ask lots of questions to truly understand this condition.
Take care xxx
I have Bipolar also and fortunately for me I have a wonderful husband who has stood by through some pretty rough times.. I was first diagnosed when I had an episode and left him and soon after ended up in hospital... I have two beautiful children and I will never forget how it made them feel seeing me crazy and then ending up in hospital.
I honestly believe you will one day meet the right person and they will love you for you. One thing you need to remember is that you are not "Bipolar" you are you!!! Bipolar is just a condition that you live with... and so you will live and share your life with someone one day and when the time is right.
One of our struggles is our intimacy, I don't have a sex drive, although I love him and want him and need him when it comes to it I feel tired and depressed and no energy which is weird because I really want to make love to him and often think about it but as I said doing it is just too hard....(I'm constantly thinking but I don't know what it is that I am thinking-go figure) I'm attracted to him so I believe it is my condition (bipolar) so If anyone has an answer to that issue for me I would love to hear from them... Having Bipolar as part of your life is hard work but just like anything in your life you must work at it and never give up no matter what!!!! My advice is to not tell someone that your interested in that you live with Bipolar and you make sure that you take your time and go slow and give a little bit more of yourself each time and when your ready, If the person really really likes you they will also live with you and Bipolar... I really feel for you and for everyone who lives with this condition may it be the person diagnosed or caring for. All I know is that we all need to talk about it more, support each other and ask lots of questions to truly understand this condition.
Take care xxx
my flatmate has bipolar she is very up and down each day can be very different,
at first when she told me she had it i hadnt a clue what it was and never really thought much about it,then she started to change from the person i new and seen many times before into a stranger right infront of my eyes.
then thats when i realised that i had to read up on this bipolar disorder if we were to remain friends and carry on living together,so i went on the net and read everything about it i could find,im also doing a mini coarse witch only takes up 5mins of my time eachday,im really glad i started this as i understand my friend more and more everyday and the more i understand then its not such a big deal it is and always will be a big or even the main thing in our 2 lives,
the way i look at it is she has this disorder its not her fault. i new her a long time before she told me she had it.
if anything its made us closer,ive still got alot more to find out about it but while i am finding out all i can do is be understanding and a bit patient at times,
because shes worth it and she dose give alot back to me in return when she can and i can see that.
at first when she told me she had it i hadnt a clue what it was and never really thought much about it,then she started to change from the person i new and seen many times before into a stranger right infront of my eyes.
then thats when i realised that i had to read up on this bipolar disorder if we were to remain friends and carry on living together,so i went on the net and read everything about it i could find,im also doing a mini coarse witch only takes up 5mins of my time eachday,im really glad i started this as i understand my friend more and more everyday and the more i understand then its not such a big deal it is and always will be a big or even the main thing in our 2 lives,
the way i look at it is she has this disorder its not her fault. i new her a long time before she told me she had it.
if anything its made us closer,ive still got alot more to find out about it but while i am finding out all i can do is be understanding and a bit patient at times,
because shes worth it and she dose give alot back to me in return when she can and i can see that.
Where can I find this mini course. I'm bi polar and understand myself but I have a sister in law who is bi polar, not on the correct meds and very destructful to people around her. She lashes out in paranoia, reads and rips up the families mail, suffocates my brother who still loves her dearly, and has alienates her children who are all between the ages of 19 and 24 and leaving the home, gladly. Every holiday she ruins the occasion by causing a scene. I had Christmas by my home last year and asked my Brother if he would see if she would like to stay home. Thinking maybe it is too much for her, maybe that is why she looses it, EVERY TIME. She was glad to, she prefers to be by herself. I do to, but she more so because she refuses to see a dr. and get on anything but Zoloft.
Sorry, Started to vent....This has been for 17 years, I miss who she was.
Sorry, Started to vent....This has been for 17 years, I miss who she was.
I Honestly beleive from my experience and perhaps it is where I am from, but no course will have the answers to bipolar! For example "phtartist" you said you have the condition also and understand it but are trying to understand it for your sister in law?? I believe that once she has truly excepted the fact she has bipolar then she will want to really get help.
It is certainly a hard condition to except and I know myself that at times I question whether I really have this or not and as soon as I am I find myself going down a bad road again. I need to remind myself that and look at what is important and why I have been given this condition and how I can help others to help them selves. It is really hard to watch someone that your really care about in denial or out of control but you know what if your also suffering from this I suggest you make sure you are free from any stress and concentrate on being well and if this means you need to exclude her from family gatherings then so be it, I know I sound harsh ! I honestly believe when we are ready to be helped we can and will be helped.... I hope this helps anyone who feels that they are beating themselves against a brick wall. One of the hardest parts of living with Bipolar is you never know what mood you will wake up in and the constant brain overload, each day you take one step at a time and do the best you can, remind yourself that there is so much to live for and wouldn't it be rewarding to accomplish something even if it were to be minor. I woke up this morning and felt like ****, thought about staying in bed all day and felt if anyone was to bother me I would do something horrible, I talked to myself and went through what else I could do and came up with put the washing on, go for a walk with the dog and if the family wants to come then great if not I'm still going... Then I hit a brick wall then what do I do? Well I am choosing to not go back into bed and waste and give into this condition because I have two children who need me and you know what scares me a real lot??? That one day they may suffer from this condition and I won't be able to help them unless they are able to help themselves too... That will brake my heart and I possibly could go backwards myself. As you can see I ramble a lot but hey it helps me....
It is certainly a hard condition to except and I know myself that at times I question whether I really have this or not and as soon as I am I find myself going down a bad road again. I need to remind myself that and look at what is important and why I have been given this condition and how I can help others to help them selves. It is really hard to watch someone that your really care about in denial or out of control but you know what if your also suffering from this I suggest you make sure you are free from any stress and concentrate on being well and if this means you need to exclude her from family gatherings then so be it, I know I sound harsh ! I honestly believe when we are ready to be helped we can and will be helped.... I hope this helps anyone who feels that they are beating themselves against a brick wall. One of the hardest parts of living with Bipolar is you never know what mood you will wake up in and the constant brain overload, each day you take one step at a time and do the best you can, remind yourself that there is so much to live for and wouldn't it be rewarding to accomplish something even if it were to be minor. I woke up this morning and felt like ****, thought about staying in bed all day and felt if anyone was to bother me I would do something horrible, I talked to myself and went through what else I could do and came up with put the washing on, go for a walk with the dog and if the family wants to come then great if not I'm still going... Then I hit a brick wall then what do I do? Well I am choosing to not go back into bed and waste and give into this condition because I have two children who need me and you know what scares me a real lot??? That one day they may suffer from this condition and I won't be able to help them unless they are able to help themselves too... That will brake my heart and I possibly could go backwards myself. As you can see I ramble a lot but hey it helps me....
Hi. I haven't been diagnosed with bi polar but I do have sever depression, anxiety, borderline personality disorder and other mental illness symptoms/problems. I struggled with relationships for years and then I finally married my best friend who knew how screwed up I am and still wanted to make a life with me. We are going on 15 years of marriage and it hasn't been all a cake walk but It is more good than bad and he is a wonderful man. I believe there is someone out there for everyone and you can make it work if it's what you want. Good Luck and God bless
I like when someone knows what they're talking about and cuts all the **** out.
What you wrote me is exactly correct. I guess, for me it is hard to see my brother and everyone else walk around her on eggshells. She feels closest to me but close to her is six feet away with caution. I get that.
She did get treatment once, put herself in a mental hospital. I went every day to their home and took care of their four kids. Now, off proper meds, on Zoloft, she knows she is sick, she is not in denial she is bi polar. Her GP told her to see a psychiatrist for the right meds and therapy but she is afraid to face the sexual abuse of her childhood in therapy, so she won't go. I'm the only one who knows this. She swore me to secrecy.
Were not all the same, that is why I was interested in the mini course.
My cycles were not rapid for years. Just recently I noticed what you pointed out. I wake up not knowing what state I will be in. I find I hate quickly, then feel warm and fuzzy an hour later. That I would say is very fast cycling.
Does stress bring on different forms of bi polar illness? I was level for three years.
What you wrote me is exactly correct. I guess, for me it is hard to see my brother and everyone else walk around her on eggshells. She feels closest to me but close to her is six feet away with caution. I get that.
She did get treatment once, put herself in a mental hospital. I went every day to their home and took care of their four kids. Now, off proper meds, on Zoloft, she knows she is sick, she is not in denial she is bi polar. Her GP told her to see a psychiatrist for the right meds and therapy but she is afraid to face the sexual abuse of her childhood in therapy, so she won't go. I'm the only one who knows this. She swore me to secrecy.
Were not all the same, that is why I was interested in the mini course.
My cycles were not rapid for years. Just recently I noticed what you pointed out. I wake up not knowing what state I will be in. I find I hate quickly, then feel warm and fuzzy an hour later. That I would say is very fast cycling.
Does stress bring on different forms of bi polar illness? I was level for three years.
Completely agree with you - I really worry when I see courses that promote having all the answers, it irritates me almost as much as the "healers" who claim you can cure bipolar if you follow their special diet/herbal plan/meditation routine. You cant get all the answers from a book and no one can cure bipolar.
Don't get me wrong there's nothing wrong with yoga, herbalists or anything else that works to help you but if ANYONE offers you a cure for bipolar run away - chances are theyre motivated by money and praying on people's gullibility.
Yes it takes a special person to live with bipolar but its also a 2 way street - I have to understand my wife is dealing with a lot as much as she has had to learn I am not always as much in control as I wish - right now my wife's father is dying of cancer and thats a hard thing for both of us but relationships are like that and they take work.
After years of counselling and knowing other mentally ill people I thing there are some simple relationship dont's - stay away from people who want to fix you, stay away from people who are more interested in the disease than the person, if someone seems too good to be true be carefull as often they can be and most of all be open, honest and yourself with people - I have a friend of mine who has BPII who hid it from her boyfriend until after they married and I watched it destroy the marriage - he didnt mind the disease but he could not get over her lying to him for 6 years - honesty is the only policy.
If someone cannot love you for what you are then to be frank from where I sit theyre not someone you want in your life.
Don't get me wrong there's nothing wrong with yoga, herbalists or anything else that works to help you but if ANYONE offers you a cure for bipolar run away - chances are theyre motivated by money and praying on people's gullibility.
Yes it takes a special person to live with bipolar but its also a 2 way street - I have to understand my wife is dealing with a lot as much as she has had to learn I am not always as much in control as I wish - right now my wife's father is dying of cancer and thats a hard thing for both of us but relationships are like that and they take work.
After years of counselling and knowing other mentally ill people I thing there are some simple relationship dont's - stay away from people who want to fix you, stay away from people who are more interested in the disease than the person, if someone seems too good to be true be carefull as often they can be and most of all be open, honest and yourself with people - I have a friend of mine who has BPII who hid it from her boyfriend until after they married and I watched it destroy the marriage - he didnt mind the disease but he could not get over her lying to him for 6 years - honesty is the only policy.
If someone cannot love you for what you are then to be frank from where I sit theyre not someone you want in your life.
I'm learning so much wisdom from both of you. I've been alone in this illness since I was told I had it back in 1995. I blamed it on alcohol withdrawel and the dr. not taking that into consideration. Since then I have been on a roller coaster of meds some helping, some irritating, some depressing me. Any new Psy. that I went to, who expressed that I was bi polar, I would beg to throw away my records and start from scratch since I was sober for awhile, years at times.
Long story, probably a familiar one, after recently reading in depth and accepting that the symptoms fit and its not just the switching of meds but that the meds don't work, I am bi polar. Which one, ?. Does it matter ? I knew I was because I was given Topamax for migraines and it is the most stable I have been in a long time. Inside me. I worked forever to know what a calm feeling felt like. That in itself, was stressful.
I was thinking of you the minute I woke up this morning BP13. I awoke and thought what are my inside like this morning. I am pretty good today. Yesterday I was cranky (a kind word) like you I ignored it and moved forward going out with my husband. I was kind biting my tongue and trying my best to be appropriate. I hit my knee awful hard on a thick branch of a bush, which sent pain shock throughout my body. This I handled, even my husband laughing as he asked if I was alright. I was OK. Later I showed him my leg through my pants and asked how he could laugh. It was funny was his response. I was in a better frame of mind by then.
I was fine until I was stagnant in the evening and I also felt his boredom. I think I will start to write down these triggers.
Monkeyc, I read many of your comments prior to coming into this community, that is why I tried to connect here. Thank you for your contributions.
Would you please answer my question that I asked in a previous post, it is: Does stress bring on different forms of bi polar illness? I was level for three years.
To explain - I have constant pain from FM, and my daughter is getting married in 4 weeks.
I feel the fright and flight feeling ofter and anxiety is often. I know there is nothing to fear logically but my mind fights me on this logic.
Long story, probably a familiar one, after recently reading in depth and accepting that the symptoms fit and its not just the switching of meds but that the meds don't work, I am bi polar. Which one, ?. Does it matter ? I knew I was because I was given Topamax for migraines and it is the most stable I have been in a long time. Inside me. I worked forever to know what a calm feeling felt like. That in itself, was stressful.
I was thinking of you the minute I woke up this morning BP13. I awoke and thought what are my inside like this morning. I am pretty good today. Yesterday I was cranky (a kind word) like you I ignored it and moved forward going out with my husband. I was kind biting my tongue and trying my best to be appropriate. I hit my knee awful hard on a thick branch of a bush, which sent pain shock throughout my body. This I handled, even my husband laughing as he asked if I was alright. I was OK. Later I showed him my leg through my pants and asked how he could laugh. It was funny was his response. I was in a better frame of mind by then.
I was fine until I was stagnant in the evening and I also felt his boredom. I think I will start to write down these triggers.
Monkeyc, I read many of your comments prior to coming into this community, that is why I tried to connect here. Thank you for your contributions.
Would you please answer my question that I asked in a previous post, it is: Does stress bring on different forms of bi polar illness? I was level for three years.
To explain - I have constant pain from FM, and my daughter is getting married in 4 weeks.
I feel the fright and flight feeling ofter and anxiety is often. I know there is nothing to fear logically but my mind fights me on this logic.
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