That is a tough and dangerous situation. Where to start....
Try to keep your mind occupied as best you can. This website has a mood tracker that you can print off. I would recommend updating it for the past two weeks if you can remember. This will also help the psychiatrist or social workers you come in contact with at your appointment. Any other work you can do for the treatment team will be beneficiary as well. Here are a few things:
1. Start writing in a journal (Title it "My Life" and hold nothing back, even if you want noone to read it)
2. Check this forum often and read people's posts (Don't let this diagnose you but write down some of the things you feel pertain to you and tell the treatment team.
3. If your mind gets bogged down do guided meditation (No matter what state I am in Meditation usually helps and you can find guided meditation or "Yoga Nadra" on youtube)
4. As far as the pain medication....If you are addicted don't stop right now. Many people may disagree with this but if you are already having suicidal thoughts now is not the time to quit. However, definately bring it up to the MD.
I have just been diagnosed with bi-polar 1 and I cannot tell you if you are or not. The main thing is don't look into it too much unless you are diagnosed with it and even then be careful about the information you take in.
Hope you get to feeling better.....Bubulous
If you're having suicidal thoughts please tell someone you trust. Don't be afraid of a psych ward they aren't that bad and they help you. I had thoughts of suicide for weeks but I never thought I could do it, but then I broke and overdosed. The paramedics found me in time but I almost accomplished killing myself. I regret it now, please get help now! I say this out of love, concern, and experience. Good luck with everything.
Dear thatgirl, I hope u would have seen a doctor by now. I am sorry to hear you are going thro this, as I have had myself.
If u can, get someone to talk to. Someone u trust and someone whom can help u. What about your parents or close friends? If u are able to, get some fresh air outside. Go for a walk or a run. This helps a lot becos they clear your body of toxics and u have a better mental frameset.
If all else fails, go to a&e. It's the ultimate choice and there's nothing to be ashamed about.
Keep us updated ya.
There are usually crisis lines you can utilize 24 hrs a day. Check out your local help lines.
A lot of times when we feel suicidal, we don't really want to die, we just want the pain to stop. Don't let it sit, go to emergency if you are obsessing, even if you are't to the point of compulsion.
The "wanting the pain to stop" is like wanting to sit behind plexiglass, watch our friends and families be happy, live, grow, etc, but we have pure quietness in our heads, no worry, loud whirling thoughts, no emotional upset, no pain. We don't understand that there are options, the quickest way in our minds is black and white- being alive hurts, dying stops it. You are correct in your assumption that it's not fair to your family, but it's not fair to you either. You deserve that same happiness that your family has. The grey area is there- finding contentment while staying alive.
It's ok to ask for help. You aren't superwoman, stop trying to act like one. Call crisis lines, or present to your nearest emergency room. When you see your Dr, follow their guidance carefully and work with them. Take your medications religiously, and educate yourself about you illness. Do research online, there are many resources available, including universities that post their research findings. They can be an invaluable source of helpful information. You can't fix what you don't understand. Learn to understand yourself, and then you can help your Dr to understand you more, and you can educate your family so they can become part of your external support structure.