PLEASE HELP!!! WHAT DO I DO???

[outpatient]

Hello,

My husband was diagnosed six weeks ago with Bipolar II after coming out of a manic episode.  He started the mania in October and moved out.  He even filed for divorce but before it was final, we started talking and in February he checked into a MH facility.  He was there for five days then entered an outpatient/group therapy for four weeks.  He moved back in with me on March 15th and he went back to work on the 22nd.  Since then he has been very depressed.  We talked about it and feel that leaving group therapy may have triggered it.  I did my research to understand more about what he is going through and learned a bit about the medication process.  I talked to him about it and suggested that he try a different medication.  He said he told his Psychiatrist and only the dosage was increased.  That was just this last Monday.  He told me last night that he is moving out because he doesn't know what else to do.  I told him that is just the illness talking and to please try therapy (single and together) and a different medication.  He said all the same stuff he said in October when he left, 'it's not you, it's me, I have to do this for me, I don't want to hurt you anymore, etc'.  I told him we can fight this together and that treating BPD is a trial and error process, that it can take years to find the meds/combo.  He thinks leaving/running away is his only option.  What do I do????  He is 43 and we have been together 13 years.  Please help.

[outpatient]

Thank you all so much.  He left last night, said he needs his space and time.  As much as it kills me, I have to let him go.  I just told him how much I love him and that I will be here for him.  So we'll see what happens.  Thanks again

[fanaticeel]

Hi
Im a BiPolar II sufferer too.

For many years I cycled between mania and depression including a couple of stints in a mental health hospital. I've been fortunate in that I have a good psychiatrist and understanding wife.

My psychiatrist has had to try various treatments with me and I seem to have settled down on risperdal and allegron. by the way I still have "up" days but apparently this is normal now and part of my condition. I also still experience flat days but nothing like when depression has hit me.

I too offered to leave my wife as I thought it was extremely unfair for her to "deal with my crap" and that I was causing a lot of distress. That's the part of my illness I'm still understanding, I think it's because we get stuck on the negatives and how it impacts on those close to us that we feel its unfair for them and the best course of action is to distance ourselves.
Sometimes we just need to hear that you understand and will work through it with us.
Steve

[Bubulous]

You are doing a great job in trying to support him and you are correct about this being trial and error.  How long ago did his illness start causing your relationship problems?
I agree with emerald
There are a lot off great support groups out there that could help you two.  The DBSA has suppport groups all over the country and they can be a lot of help.
Other than that you are correct, you have to give him time to accept this.  He has lived a long time without knowing what is wrong and after being diagnosed it is hard for all of us to cope with the fact that we need to me medicated and process how this illness is affecting us now and what it may or may not have caused in our earlier years.  He will likely come around but until then all you can do is let him know you love him and that you will be there for him when he is ready to come back.

[outpatient]

Thanks - I did actually look into Meet-up and found two in my area (sacramento).  I told him about them yesterday (before he told me he was moving out) and he seemed very excited about going to both of them to see which one we liked more.  He said even though he is moving out, we will still be friends, no dating, and go to therapy/support groups.  Again all the same stuff he said in October, only then it was marriage counseling since we didn't know about the BPD.  And he got a girlfriend and he was so mean to me and didn't want to be friends. I'm afraid if he leaves, he'll never come back.  Guess I have to be prepared for that too by taking care of myself first.  His sister told me all I can do is tell him how much I love him and basically let him go.  Easier said than done.

[emeraldjasperthrone888]

I wanted to respond to you.  I suggest a bipolar support group for family of.  I live in the SF Bay Area and I see more support for families of the person with bipolar disorder. Hang in the pumpkin~kelly