Bipolar disorder?

[Kira739]

Before I go into detail about what I've been experiencing, know the following things about me, to help rule things in or out:

-Recently been on a gluten free diet where all my stomach pains have since subsided so I'm 99% sure I have a gluten intolerance
-I'm 20 years old and female
-I was sexually abused and assaulted for the majority of my child hood. Was also assaulted on a college campus of which I no longer attend
-I have been celibate for 15 months and counting
-I used to drink and enjoyed smoking marijuana, I no longer do that either (clean for over a year and half), I will return to drinking when I'm 21 in moderation.
-Whether I'm on a high or low, I'm very religious.
-I don't drink caffeine
-Every blue moon, I'll hear something that isn't there (voice is not talking to me it's just random or a random sound) or see something that isn't really there (hair on ground is a spider or a purple balloons in my mirror at night)

*When I am normal I feel great, humble in a good mood, little upsets me, I'm just regular old Me.
*For about a week or so every month I become Me1:
-Flashbacks
-Depressed (in bed 12 sometimes 14 hrs at a time)
-Loss of appetite
-Want to be alone!
-Keep my phone off
-When I'm forced to be around people I just don't talk, when I do, I'm short with people.
-minor headaches
-cry
When alone:
-racing and random thoughts!!
-slam doors
-have an overwhelming feeling of anger
-pessimistic
-not suicidal, but thoughts of wishing i was dead (dreams of my funeral etc), feeling empty, nothing to live for etc.
-become hyperactive (do things very fast, walk fast, talk fast etc)
-no desire to have sex or to even be around men
-feel like I'm in a box
-Try my best not to be mean, but I tend not to be able to hold my tounge

*Then I magically become Me 2:
-optimistic
-social
-fantasize about sex or past sexual experiences, not acting on it though
-silly. joking a LOT
-Talk a lot (I wish I could shut my own self up!)
-Write
-Paint
-I vent
-Very positive

I also have kept a log of my emotions since February til now of 2012 and I thought it was PMDD because it seemed to correlate with my period, but when I looked back this is what I found (numbers indicate how I feel on a scale 1 to 10, note - I do not cuss at all):

26-Apr service before work is wonderful! 10 n/a
27-Apr Yeah, I'm pretty PISSED. was a 10 now a 2 n/a

10-Apr Period came on time! Every 23 days!! YAY!! 10 very animated dreams
11-Apr am - sexually aroused; lazy, relaxed, mellow chil, can't complain 8 animated dreams;
14-Apr I hate my job 8 heavy flow  through day
15-Apr everyones is sucking the fun out of everything, in a bad mood. 7 numerousflows

I wasn't on my period at all here:
25-Feb Woke up at 3am-ish. Feeling really depressed and down. Hopeless.. 5
26-Feb felt very lazy, but not in a bad mood. 7 n/a
27-Feb Woke up with a positive attitude :) 7.5 n/a
28-Feb Feelin wonderful! 8.8 n/a

29-Feb okay. 7 n/a
1-Mar decent. 6.8
2-Mar decent. 7

3-Mar I VENTED; chill, mellow day; optimistic 8 tummy ache in the am - drank pep'nt tea
4-Mar Still not talkitive in crowds or groups, but was happy to be out the house 8.5 n/a
5-Mar horrible morning; bursts of anger, livid, lazy 5 woke up at 3am

So, Yesterday I was Me 2, kept everyone laughing, I was just high off life and by the evening I was Me 1, Slamming doors, my sister asked me a question, I ignored her I was allllll Me 1!! Now is the next day, I just got up, I have been in bed for like 10+ hrs and um... I NEED HELP!!!

THANKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Anneinside]

No one on a forum, even a physician, can diagnose based on postings. There needs to be some face-to-face interaction. If these behaviors and feelings are interfering in your life then you need to consult with a psychiatrist.

[lindahand]

Print this out and take it to a doctor, who will likely refer you to a psychiatrist (or should refer you to a psychiatrist). Don't let a general doctor give you an antidepressant without a mood stabilizer as it can make bipolar people manic or cause rapid cycling.

Another thing you may want to check into is borderline personality disorder as many of the symptoms are similar, but this is common in people with a history of horrible sexual abuse. You can have both disorders too.

If you are bipolar there are medicines and certain things you can learn to do that can help. Some of them are easier like keeping a consistant time where you go to bed and get out of bed (regardless of whether or not you are sleeping) for example. It is also knowing your triggers and avoiding them. There are books out there that will help you learn this stuff. If you are borderline there is something called Dialectic Behavioural Therapy that is quite helpful (medication is sometimes use for BPD, but generally it is something that therapy deals with)

The reason I mention BPD is because your episodes are pretty short. Usually, not always though, episodes last 4 days minimum, and if you are rapid cycling (going up and down in a short period of time) those will be in discreet episodes as well. Too your downs are listed as a 5 and quite often bipolar depression rests closer to a 3, and has suicidal thoughts. Again is doesn't have to - you have to have thoughts of death which you have.

It is a possibility in my mind based on the limited information I see in an post, not a slam dunk for sure you've got it. And it would likely be bipolar 2 not 1 as you don't describe a truly manic moment in there. That's why a psychiatrist is your best bet as they will spend an hour with you most likely talking about a lot of different things and be able to tease out a diagnosis. It may take a couple of times of seeing them too. They may want to see you in the different states.