Spouse with bipolar msnic depressive

[jeremygross]

My wife was diagnosed as bpmd about 6 months ago. Was put on atavan, zoloft and abilify. Her thinking became much clearer in a few weeks and we were becoming closer by the day. Fast forward to about 2 months ago, I noticed her mood change yet again. Spending recklessly, always hyper. Then she started playing poker on her cell which at first I took as a distraction to keep her mind occupied for a few hrs a day. Well it morphed into morning and all night after work sometimes staying up all night. I believe they weaned her off the atavan, but the insomnia developed into NEVER sleeping with me at all. Then the whopper, I get home from work to find a dear john note on my door and half the apartment cleaned out as if by professional movers. She even left her cell and keys and said it was all my fault for me getting upset about being ignored. I did break a few things over the years but hadn't had a big blow out in a long time. She says I need anger management and has stopped seeing her counselor. I called her psych md to let him know what has happened. I feel betrayed, hurt, sad, and not even given a chance. I have asked her to go to therapy with me but she thinks its all me and the only way shell be better is to be alone. Anyone else go through anything like this?

[lindahand]

I am glad the you can see you will be fine. There will be the tough days though but they won't last forever.

Do you really want to be with someone who threatens divorce? For me it would depend on how soon they recant, and if they are sincerely willing to work on their illness and the marriage.

And the anger management class may be something you want to look into anyway. I hear some of them are very good. And with the looming divorce there are bound to be some anger emotions that boil to the surface. As part of my inpatient day program we took anger management. I didn't think I needed it but found some really useful suggestions and found out it was something I needed to work on (I come from a long line of hot heads).

[jeremygross]

Thank you all for your wonderful comments. I know now that after a week on my own that there will be good and bad days. But if I focus om taking care of me that I will be fine. As an update she has also since asked for a divorce, so as far as her coming around goes, do I really even want to stay with someone who threatens divorce?

[lindahand]

My ex husband (who had some form of a mental illness but I think it was closer to narccasism than bipolar) fell in love with someone in another country over the internet. Within a month our marriage had dissolved. I was devastated. We didn't have much in the way of possessions so I ended up living in my grandparent's basement.

The delusions were real to him. My ex husband truly thought he had found his one and only true love. This rich young lawyer. (Who turned out to be a 40ish year old grandmother). Nothing I said made a difference. I mentioned counselling and he said it was too late. Nothing, and I mean nothing, I did or could have done would have prevented this. It was his obsession.

Leaving was the best gift he ever gave me. It sure didn't feel like it at the time though. My marriage now is with a man who is stable and appreciates me. No big drama about how I am a disappointment. When my ex was nice - he was really nice. When he was mean though - he was really mean. He had manipulated the situation into me being 'the bad guy' for not loving him properly although I literally would have done anything for him if he had asked.

I'm not saying to give up on her. She may come around. For right now though her feelings are real to her and she will consider them truth no matter what you say. Logic will not work because she can't think logically. If you still love her and want to wait - make sure she knows that. Otherwise your hands are tied.

[yarrow]

I'm so sorry about your experience.  Something similar happened in my family, except that it was with our 37 year old son, who was diagnosed with bipolar disorder a dozen years ago, but has refused the diagnosis or treatment (except for a couple of months here and there).

He has accused us of physical abuse and verbal abuse in the past and even the present, although we adored him while he was growing up, and his contact with us has been limited since he moved away to attend college.  Our own shrink and therapists have explained to us that his memories of our alleged mistreatment are as real to him in his psychotic state as our own memories are to us.

We have been told that since he refuses treatment there is nothing we can do at this point, and that we should live our own lives as best we can and avoid trying to contact him.

I can tell you that we have found it helpful to talk with our therapists about the situation.  They have helped us to understand and deal with the grief and loss.  

[jbaurley]

i went through this but it was reversed as i was the one with bipolar. i was diagnosed 8 years ago.  at first they told me i was depressed.  i had been depressed and got so bad that i almost lost everything.  i had extreme shopping problems when i went into my manic stages. i use to go from sleeping all the time to never sleeping at all.  they have tried me on all different medications and finally got me steady on lamictal.  i went through alot.  even kicked my husband out thinking in my head that he cheated and now i have no clue if it was the bipolar talking or if it really happened.  with the meds people do think clearer.  i have done much better since then.