Confused and Frustrating: Not Getting Well Soon Enough

[Bluetwo]

I've done everything. I take my meds and go to the gym....but its been really hard to go back to work. I not being lazy but the embarrassment of being bipolar. I think everyone knows that I have this condition. My children have facebook and they have connections with old friends they use to go to school with, have siblings who still go to the school or parents who work for the school.

In a community...gossip abounds. Gossip is apart of human nature.


The school I work for is trying their best to accomidate me with my disorder but I think they don't have a clue what to do. It's been a stop and go process it's like trying to solve problems without having the lights on. Either I'm put into a classroom filled with behavior problem children who are hard to control without backup of a para or put into a classroom without any stimulus which bores me to tears. Because I don't look physically wrong they think I'm ready for prime time. The place I didn't have a para...I drop that school because they have a habit of not giving me support last school year where my mania started. Since that was the place was the scene of "my accident" I don't want to return to that place. It would put me into a bad mood and come home to have a good cry so I dumped them like a bad habit.I feel better now that I don't have to go back to that toxic waste dump.

So I'm basically confused now. I'm very frustrated that I'm not recovering fast enough.  I did have a good bout of depression in 2005 after my husband was laid off. I try to compensate for the lost income by ignoring my illness and doing extra sub work to pay off bills.

So I stopped all that. Went to the doctor to readjusted my meds and within one month I was ready for prime time.

But this eposide is so different.
I am so confused and very frustrated.
Why is it taking so long now?


I went into a mania state in March 2009 just right after day light savings time and I didn't get much sleep. I took on a class that I never should of taken, took a trip Vegas when I needed the spring break to rest & recuperate from the class from hades. So I was flying high and I spent April trying to come down from my mania with my doctor's help. In May I was put on lamictal to stablize my moods but everyone knows it takes awhile for meds to work and still in the flying high club with mixed moods. I did things that were silly in school...nothing dangerous but now I feel embarrassed what I did.

By June 15th the meds started to work but I broke out with a lamictal rash. I had to go to ER. I spent the next two weeks in bed recuperating from that. By July 20th I was put back on my old med's; Wellbutrin and Clonzapam. I guess the doctor felt I was stable enough to return to those meds but it took six weeks for med's to get into my system. I thought everything would be okay for the next school year.

I did go back to school to sub but I just feel I'm not ready for prime time and that makes me very frustrated.
Is this normal?

[Bluetwo]

Just like in Double Jeopardy...

$500

Hey, I'll talk to LCSW first.

[ILADVOCATE]

Yes that makes sense about a LCSW. Lamictal and other medications have that specific warning about the rash. That doesn't mean all mood stabilizers do. Some mood stabilizers cause weight gain. Some don't. Many anti-convulsants (of which a majority of the mood stabilizers are, lithium aside) have specific boxed warnings including the medication I take which is an anti-convulsant showing promise as a mood stabilizer but that doesn't mean the majority of the people get those side effects. It just means they are of concern and should be noted by prescribers. I've experienced some extremely rare adverse side effects from some medications but could easily tolerate others. Having a reaction to one side effect from one medication doesn't mean a person will have different side effects from other medications.

[Bluetwo]

I don't want to gain weight with the moodstablizers.
That is the only draw back and having that rash with lamictal I don't trust those med's.
Most have boxed warnings on those moodstablizers which is not on my agenda to get well.

I probarly need a LCSW to talk to because the eposide was very tramatic for me.
I can take all the med's I want but if I have issues I can't work through the med's are not going to work.

[ILADVOCATE]

As for going back to work I believe I have talked about setting up reasonable accomodations. As for why things feel different it may be because if what you are on is Wellbutrin and Klonipin you are actually not on a full mood stabilizer. One is an anti-depressent and the other is an anti-anxiety medication. This is a full list of mood stabilizers. You should ask your psychiatrist about available options:
http://www.ilru.org/html/publications/directory/index.html