Dealing with the STRESS

[DGWR]

Do any of you feel like leaving (running away) as fast as you can?  

[DGWR]

Thank You, I agree!  This may possible b my scenario!

[Jinx_777]

i would have to strongly agree that bi-polar is widely misdiagnosed.  a lot of times people are just clinically depressed and the questions they ask to diagnose bi-polar are ridiculous.  for example - have you ever bought stuff that you didn't need???  who the hell has not bought stuff they didn't 'NEED'?  
sometimes people are situationally depressed.

[DGWR]

Thank You for your responds!  I am sorry that your family is in a shambles & deeply sorry for the way your dad has treated you.  I can TOTALLY relate & the hurt just doesn't go away ( it stays an open wound specially when its our own parent).  I must take this moment to say I'm reading "Our Scars are Beautiful to God".  Its on how to turn our wounds into scars by sharing our experiences to others. Unfortunately, mine has not became a scar yet.  The most important thing in the book talks about forgiveness.  We can forgive but to forget, no!
I would like to know what you listen to but I did not know there is a "no share policy".  I am a Christian & Catholic is my denomination.  I have gone on a silent retreat for a day (I loved it).  That has been yrs. ago but you know, it is a GREAT idea.  I have not thought about it !  Thank You so much!  God had you come on this forum to tell me. (you know he does send people to give us his message).

May Many Blessings Come to You!!!
Many Blessings

[JMPrudom]

God bless ya for tolerating others like you do. I live a difficult and complicated life myself, needless to say i'm about to send my father who is divorcing my mother to an employment tribunel(Britain, basically im sueing my dad for employing me for a year with no pay and trying to get away with it....talk of family deceit).

Anyway alongside my meds i do a lot of personal therapy(too expensive to rely on others all the time) just to cope. I'd love to recommend you to listen to what i listen to, but sadly i think there's a no sharing policy on med help. So i'd advise you to listen to whatever vintage or modern music and give you a short moment to deprive yourself of your senses, try to get out of the tough reality that you live in and relax.If that doesn't work then for you then maybe try a spiritual retreat(I'm a jesuit uh oh, that'll be my sermon) rather then another bout in hospital if you've already been.

[DGWR]

I think it is absolutely fantastic that you are speaking about BP everywhere & educating others, it is much needed!!! I know that you are making a difference and I admire you!!! You have helped me bc this has been all new to me!
Thanks & Keep up the good work!!!!!

[weaver71]

Nervous breakdown is not an actual medical term, mania induced psychosis is called a psychotic breakdown, according to my therapist.  How could it be a good thing? Like the addict who loses his job, his family, and goes to prison, sometimes it takes a severe experience, hitting rock bottom they call it, to take a problem seriously. I was open to meds after that, I found counseling and a doctor for support. By accepting bipolar or addiction, we have made a major leap in recovery. Accepting we need help and help doesn't mean weakness is also huge.

Abraham Lincoln didn't free the slaves alone, that doesn't make him weak, it made him a leader. Accepting help is something all leaders have to accept. Besides outside help, I made sacrifices to simplify my life and reduce stress. I formed plans for when I do get angry, depressed, or whatever. We converted a shed into a studio for me to write, meditate, or simply wait it out. I asked friends who knew nothing of my bipolar severity to watch me and tell me and my wife if I am too wound up. That was hard. I know who my real friends are now. I became afraid of my mania, those plans and support have relieved some fear and anger at God too. Anger is mania, by the way, or a mixed state, mania and depression together. Even if you are misdiagnosed, a lot of the recovery tools are helpful to anyone, especially CBT, in my opinion.

I would definitely get another opinion, bipolar is misdiagnosed a lot. My breakdown helped me accept my diagnosis too, so my recovery really started with the breakdown. If you question it, you owe it to yourself and family to accept it or find the real issue, either way, I believe life will be better for you in the end.

I try not to think of the sabotage or power plays I could do to stop corruption and injustice, very difficult at times. I realize that would make me part of the problem, violence, vengeance, spiteful manipulation come easy to me, but that is not who I am nor want to be. I'm not saying I am not still seeking ways to bring justice, I am just being more realistic and considerate these days. I would hurt my family by doing some things, that is the opposite of my intent. So, I am really trying to get my true intentions and actions to line up. It hasn't been easy at all, but I am seeing many of the difficult things about bipolar, I am bipolar 1 by the way, but I am also accepting things I like about it. I think different than most people, my empathy and compassion are increased by it. I am not tying to explain it away or justify the bad parts, but I don't think my whole life is ruined from it. Many adventures and my openmindedness are partly from my bipolar. Socrates, Galileo, Machaelangelo, Isaac Newton, John Adams, Abraham Lincoln, Walt Whitman, John Lennon, so many amazing people in history and today are bipolar, so I am trying to recognize the good parts about me and my condition and correct the rest. Imagine, we might live in a flat world of slavery, earth in the center without gravity, a different Constitutional government and another image of God and less art, poetry and music, if it were not for the bipolar folks I just mentioned. It's all about balance right? I couldn't heal focusing on all the problems alone. I am trying to use my manic research times and gregarious mania to help me manage my severe mania and depression. I am pretty new at this too, it's been about a year that I have really taken it seriously. One thing I have figured out though, I keep trying new things. I figure I will always be working on my progress and no one thing will make me able to manage. Being open to experiment and take advice has really take Some of the burden off me.

Anyway, I really relate to much of what you say, resentments are likely my number one trigger. I am working on that by trying to be part of the solution. I don't recommend doing this, but I started speaking openly about it everywhere. I get varied responses: scared of me, empathy toward me, judgement and support. I want to be part of the solution, so I am an example to those who know me that bipolar is not a contagious disease that will make me kill everyone I know or try to fly off a bridge. Much like AIDS in the 80's, bipolar has a lot of stigma and false information surrounding it. Many geniuses and artists respected through the ages were bipolar, so I try to express the gifts and the burden. I don't know if I make a difference, but at least I am trying to. Like coming to this forum and talking with you, I am always looking for ways to use my experience to make the world better.

Keep searching for your answers, you will find them, keep knocking on doors, they will open, keep asking, you will receive what you need.

[persephonedemeter]

When are you going to be seeing your psychiatrist or getting the  2nd opinion?

[DGWR]

Thank You 4 ur understanding! I have thought many, many times of flying out of here. Not long ago, I was @ the point to load car & leave. This sounds "messed-up" but I admire you 4 just leaving on a whim but glad u found a better way!  U speak of injustices & corruption, I am on the same page with you!!! It's upsetting that my Dad doesn't claim me but the REAL ANGER has been what he has been doing to my oldest & only brother (injustice,hatred,&evil to him). The EVIL to the side of me (where I live) is people who are deceitful, cold-hearted & crooks who my husband trust & was betrayed so there again, INJUSTICE to others. It makes me more ANGRY than anything else. My sound silly but I don't know what a psychotic breakdown is, please tell me ! Also, is it considered Mania when we want or attempt to run away? I do misunderstand /take things wrong that people say to me, LOL I even read them wrong but did not realize it was due to BP!  I know I sound totally illiterate to BP & for the most part, I am!!! Hasn't been long I was dx with the #2 of it.(LOL that sounded funny). I also have a warped sense of humor!!! How can a breakdown help u, as u stated from ur wife? When u said "tropical island" a huge smile came over my face. I love the beach & Belize stays on my mind and has 4 many months. O.k I got side-tracked ! The anger turning into a monster, It was causing some MAJOR bad thoughts of revenge. Thru God, it has subsided and Im so Thankful bc if I did what I was thinking (I probably would not b sitting here now). Doing wrong to me ok, maybe but to people I love, no I cannot handle it. Thank You for helping me to know that in time the angers will become less, whatever they may b about. One last thing, what do they label Anger under, the depression or mania ?  I know I need to study up!

Thank You Lots weaver71 !!!

[persephonedemeter]

There is a caregiver's forum on medhelp.

[persephonedemeter]

Also, personally, I wouldn't endorse being a doormat. I am saying  ignoring and walking away from people who try to make you feel like one and treating you like one. I made a reference to Jacob's ladder. I think if you take out your Bible or look it up online to read that passage when Jacob went to sleep and God spoke to him, you ould get some strength from it.

Also, my responses were to let you know you aren't alone, to give you ideas and watys  to strengthen you so that the cross you bear is not so heavy for you to carry, because no one really knows how long or what condition the road you carry it on will last. What do you do now or have that is your strengths or blessings beides prayer? What is it that you need to help you carry it through?

It's not helping you to be so close to empty and praying you don't run out of gas either. It's great to have a nice car, but it's not going to work if there's no gas in it. It'll just sit there until you put gas in it. If it stays sittting or long, the batteries start to run low.

[persephonedemeter]

Sorry. I hope you can read with the typos. I did proofread, but I obviouly didn't catch many.

[persephonedemeter]

I've certainly lost my temper, which was pretty easy to do when I wasn't stable or when one of my own pet peeve irritations rubbed against my skin. I've apologized very often back then. In the beginning, when the diorder sideswiped me, I had a hard time not reacting negatively to things. It took practice and a few people telling me that I was out of line. That was a chnge for me not to be in control and steady, easily irritated, or show my irritation raw and bare.

Did you get in a bad way when you started taking care of your Mother? Are you also giving total care to your husband, because you mentioned he was terminal.

Giving care like that is incredibly tiring. When negative  criticism and insults are given by people who don't do the work and commitment of caregiving, it certainly feels like being buried alive and being carelessly tossed to the side. My family members died after a long period of total caregiving. It was emotional tough (an understtement) and the hardest work I ever done. It's worse on both counts when they are family and not strangers. It's even worse when you are struggling with any kind of mental illness. There were many times when I was exasperated with badly behaved people, who are considered mentally well. I have a feeling you can relate.

Just like Weaver71, I like to fantasize about running away and living it all behind. It helps alleviate the oppressive envionment. It's a virtual vacation.

I have just boarded a plane on a whim. I always came back shortly after, and I dealt with the issues I needed to deal with. Since I stay connected with electronic devices, I didn't actually leave everything behind.

From your last post, it sounds like you are near breaking point though. It sounds like you need to decompress as soon as possible. First off, do you see a therapist besides just getting meds from a doctor. Do you have friends or can you talk to anyone at all? Do you go to church? Have you considered going to a support group for caregivers?

I found the meds I took  back then, would keep me relatively stable when i wasn't in a stressful situation. When I started caregiving, it made it very difficult. Meds can only do so much. I had my therapist, doctors and other pople as support, besides faith.It's hard for anyone to go though hether they are ill or not to give that kind of care to another.

[weaver71]

Well, I would have to answer your original question, YES! The reason I am certain, is I have hopped planes, trains, hitchhiked and walked away many times. My old MO was to go to another continent and wander around until I calmed down, then I would think, "Dang, now I'm in Asia with no money and I gotta get back home." I get real angry, especially at injustice and corruption, they really push my buttons in any form. Well, I decided not to use my old run away trick this last go of severe mania. I had a psychotic breakdown. It was horrible, but I faced my demons and tried to do things different this time, seeking different results. It may seem like I made the wrong decision, but my wife actually said, "I hate to say this, but I think that breakdown was the best thing that ever happened to us." In your last post, I sense you are facing your demons, admitting your part and misunderstanding is huge. It can be very trying and exhausting, but isn't that bipolar anyway? I guess I felt called to share to say that not running has led to progress, which I hadn't really felt any progress for a long time. Now, I find it easier to deal and don't want to run or get as angry as I used to. Don't get me wrong, I still get angry and start dreaming of what tropical island I will run to this time. My wife also said, "I don't want you to stop being angry about injustice and corruption, it just can't control your whole life." Once I let that anger out of the bag, my logic goes with it, so I have to be careful. Balance between legit resentments and what I perceive in a given day is a job all it's own. I think practice is helping and being okay with my anger and not feeding it into a monster is getting a tiny bit easier as I go.

[DGWR]

You r correct....I do have an anger issue @ times.  Also, I do misunderstand what people r trying to convey to me.  I do read into things wrong. I understand about walking away from anger & I did for many, many yrs, I made myself a door mat then I made a 360 (not good).  God will help me to find that HAPPY MEDIUM I pray. Yes I did go "Off the chain" with Stacey_80 & I should not have done that. U broke it down in a way that I grasp. I read what she wrote as condescending, as if I was a teenager with none of life's experiences. Yes there r many people in horrible situation's much worse than I or that I could ever think about being.  My heart goes out to them & I have much compassion for those people.  God has BLESSED me exceedingly!  I am quilty of forgetting my blessing & I feel (as I know others do) I am going over the edge & want to run. I have & am thankful for my responsibilities bc its people I love & I would not leave them. You do the right thing when u walk away in midst of anger. I want to go back to the person I was, that did the same thing, walk away then I would go home & cry. That was the Christian & mature person I miss! I apologize to all the community 4 my outburst of anger & misunderstanding.
God's Blessings

[persephonedemeter]

Sorry again, third part to my responses. I forgot to address the other thing. Choosing not to react to something emotionally is not saying going without emotions. I'm sure there were a few times when your relatives or your mother said something pretty horrible to you, made you feel badly or unappreciated, and you didn't say anything about it, because it was better not to react to it. There were a lot of times people said things to me to povoke me, and I knew if I reacted with any kind of response that they would take it and twist it around and egg me on a bit more. Nothing speaks louder than words than being quiet about it and not feeding into the frenzy. I'm upset and at times, so angry my ears are burning, but I manage to keep it in check, and when I can, I turn around and put more distance by walking away. I learned through experience that that was just as good a response than telling omeone what is on my mind.

Also, God can speak to us in our sleep and show a better way. Jacob has his ladder.

[persephonedemeter]

Stacey_80 also isn't a mindreader. She has no idea what kind of stress you are going through from your posting. You are  right that people have emotions and emotions change through time and circumstance. She's not suggesting that whatever situation that was making you feel like running away isn't going to be changed or will disappear when you "sleep on it." She's saying that sleep distances you from getting overwhelmed and gives you a break and a refreshed perspective to bad situations. I've solved bad situations in my head while sleeping with positive, successful solutions that become clear to me after sleeping, and I mean. really, really bad situations for other people besides myself.

[persephonedemeter]

Whoa! I think you overreacted to Stacey_80's response, and got triggered there. She doesn't sound like she's a "robot." She's just making a suggestion. You did ask for other people's experiences, and she is being compassionate in her response by giving suggestions to alleviate your stress that makes you want to run away. She's say that she CAN'T say that it HASN't crossed her mind...so she's relating to you. Compassionate people have feelings too and they are as human as they they come...besides being humane.

I think a lot of us has felt like running away. I've been a caregiver too. I've taken breaks, because how can you give good care if you become a casualty to caregiving. I didn't leave ill family members to fend on their own. Someone covered for me...either another family member or a friend. It's not all or nothing to take a break. If you can go to the bathroom, grocery shopping,  and sleep, I would assume you can take at least, an hour or half a day to o something nice and take care of yourself. I think you got a bit sensitive there. It also looked like you got angry when you were recounting how badly you were being treated by others.

[DGWR]

Oh, I also hope you never let your emotions get the better of you!  By the way, r you a robot?  Everyone's emotions gets away from time to time, otherwise they r not HUMAN!  Must b GOOD drugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[DGWR]

Thank You, those r nice suggestions.  I am not at liberty to do them.  I am the sole caregiver of my mother and do not have the pleasure of doing things for enjoyment.  I Love my mother dearly and am not complaining!  It is hard @ times to take care of myself, more often than not.  My husband is also terminal & I have people (Dad for one) living in front, who denies I am his & is EVIL to me as well as my brother and deceitful, heartless relatives next door.  All who do things for no good reason to make life a little harder. Yes, I have and continue to go thru life & learn and your right its not easy.  Its nice you can sleep it off & realize it wasn't tough after all. Prepare yourself, the time will come when a nap will not fix your situation. You will live and learn or be lucky I hope!
I remind myself, "IS THIS A MATTER OF ETERNAL IMPORTANCE" u might have to try that one on day!
God's Blessings!!!

[Stacey_80]

I can't say that thought has not crossed my mind, but the better of me always takes over. Running away from the issue won't solve anything. No matter how tough the situation gets, we just have to face it head on. It isn't easy but that is how we all go through life and learn.
When you feel overwhelmed with stress that you feel running away, just take a breather and remove yourself from the situation. I usually sleep it off or give myself and my mind a break by doing something that I enjoy such as getting a massage or watching a movie. Afterwards I feel that I can think much clearer and would eventually realize that it wasn't such a tough situation after all. We just have to think logically than let our emotion get the better of us.