toxic behavoir in relationships

[Alex_X_18]

     My boyfriend is super nice hes all arounnd easy going we typically see each other on saturdays and he'll take me to lunch every weekend without....He is in school and he makes really good grades hes really honest and loyal typicaly we get along great. So I really thought there shouldn't be any problems. But lately everything feels like a weapon on my side. this all started a couple months ago it started right around the time I began having problems with my hormones and menstral cycles. Basicly my periods are really irregular they won't start and when they do the pms is really awful. My doctor says I have a condition have extra testosterorne and also that theres another hormone that showed up in the tests called called prolactin. They told me the testosterone is responcible for my cycles being off. The prolactin they say might be caused from my meds so tommarow I'm getting an MRI to figure out whats going on. I'm gonna get on the pill this cycle to help even it out.

     But a couple things keep happening that have been a mojor concern as of late. Everything will be going great; then suddenly, something will happen where I can't have my way and I shouldn't have any merit but instead of being polite about it I demand my way.  

    I guess I can give an example one weekend he was really sick he didn't go to his classes friday because he could hardly walk he was run down and told me he he would see me on sunday but sunday he was too sick. And I got really upset with him more than I should have. I cried for like two hours about it. About a week later
the doctor found out that he had mono. Thats pretty serious and its has been draging down on him quite a bit
This is not the first time this has happened just the other weekend we got into another tiff. I told him to come early around 10:00 maybe 10:30. But he has to get up earlier than that because I am an hours drive each way for him. We went to an anime convention which he piad for 70$ for our badges to get in but he also took me out to lunch and things were going pretty good.


     The thing is I also wanted him to stay late because there was a dance at the very end of the convention so we didn't leave the dance until almost 1:30am but then I wound up getting mad at him again cuz he said he was too tired to have sex with me but he had promised me earlier that we would after the dance was done.
And I cried had a random moodswing. Basicly I said it was about all the medical issues I have that I'm diabetic bipolar and I have a genitic eye disease that may cause me problems in the future and now this **** with my hormones. I just kept apologising and saying that this shouldn't interfear with things between us but it does.... I just started sobing on the spot and he tried to comfort me he said he understood.


     Then he tried tickling me to try and get me to crack a smile and the tears were just streaming down my face so then he started to cry cuz me bein upset makes him sad. It looked like things were getting better but I just got all upset with him and demanded my way. He tried to explain that its not that he didn't want to have sex he was just tired he had a lot of school work waiting at home as well as a curfiew and that he doesn't want the mono to turn into phemonia he was coughing too. But I just said you promised until he fianaly agreed....everything seemed okay and he was super nice afterwards but I still felt really bad. Why does this keep happening suddenly I get upset over every tiny thing and I started feeling paranoid too.

     All the sudden I start having these thoughts run through my head for no reason whatsoever like oh what if he doesn't miss me durring the week or what if hes bored of meor what if he thinks I'm stupid. Even when the context clues of the situation point otherwise and he has done nothing wrong I felt insecure or upset with him. I can tell my logic is off and alot of times I know somewhere this isn't true but my anxiety about the matters persist and /i feel sometimews they cause me to say things that I shouldn't
I never worried about this type of stuff a few months ago and I felt I could realx more and this tiny stuff like constructive critisim minor jokes or him having the right to say no were never that big of a deal. It didn't typicaly upset me and I just felt I enjoyed our time togeather more. our converstaions were more fluid because I wasn't worried about anything it it made it so much easier to talk to him.

   I've tried talking it out with in hopes of finding a solution  but in the end it just seems to make me feel worse about myself...I feel embaressed as hell that this is even an issue to begin and I don't wanna stress him make him mad or things of that nature with even tho he assures me that its ok when we try to talk it out. but he says its like every saturday the day isn't over till I'm upset....It hurts soooooooo much to hear but I'll be the first one to admit that its true. (not with every saturday but it has happened quite frequently) And after these fits I throw end (even if I do get my way) I feel enbaressed and guilty and asamed that it happened and upset over just the fact that i shouldn't have done that. I feel like I have to make it up to him and try to think of ways can be nicer. I feel anxiety over the fact that I'm starting to feel like I don't deserve him anymore I wounder if his high regaurd of me has changed or opioion of me has changed. The very day this started happening he told me...well that my niceness to him on a scale of 1-10 was a 9 but that weekend I suprised him with gothic lingerie. He said thats it I've bumped you up to 10...he used to randomly tell me I was cute or awesome because I was soooooo nice but lately I feel like I've been a complete b!tch and he just doesn't do that anymore and I feel like maybe he doesn't think I'm a nice girl anymore and it really hurts...

    So I tried opening up to him about all the stuff thats bothering me all these medical problems I used to feel so complacent and steady but suddenly everythings just all over the place including things in the relationship....I think maybe I talk bout too much cuz he says if its not one thing its another. That hurt too but I can understand where he is comming from cuz its true.
and maybe I should just find another outlet to vent to because I don't think I sould be tellin him all this and I really don't wanna be known as the chick who complains 24/7 plus afterwards I just feel even more embaressed that I siad anything to begin with......I just wish I could have my mouth surgically sown shut sometimes......

I want this behavoir to stop so that things can return to normal and we can be honest with one another and enjoy the time we do have togeather on saturdays....I feel like this is starting to go in a vicious cycle between being fruststrated anxious emabaressed hurt and confused  and I'm not sure what to do about it. This is a decent realtionship and I don't wanna ruin things...can any of you guys relate do you have any suggestions cuz I feel really giulty about the way I've been bahving and I'm unsure of what to do

    

[paranoid_cataclysm]

If you're curious, I was told once why antipsychotics increase prolactin.  Because they block dopamine to a certain extent it also affects your prolactin level because dopamine regulates how much prolactin your pituitary gland produces so it's left free to run wild and produce a series of videos called Pituitary Glands Gone Wild.

[ILADVOCATE]

He sounds somewhat emotionally manipulative. He should be more supportive of you. Prolactin elevation can commonly be caused by anti-psychotics (and other medications as well). If any medication you are taking is causing prolactin elevation to the point where its that hormonally disruptive your psychiatrist should consider changing it to another medication. This should have nothing to do with your relationship and your boyfriend should be more respectful of you.