Diagnosis difficulty

[Hollychops]

Hello - I am wondering if anyone out there could be having the same doubts as I am?   My husband has maintained that I am "abnormal" for all our marriage and our lives are full of rows and abuse.  I have had mental health problems since I was a child - depression, mild anorexia, phobias which have made my life very difficult at times.   My husband seems to put everything bad down to my moods and I feel totally scapegoated.

When I was diagnosed I did not confess to the emotional and physical abuse that is present in our relationship.   Later I did and the diagnosis (which was 95% certain) was questioned.  I keep trying to leave my husband but my insecurities, lack of self esteem and mood swings make it so difficult to ever get anything together for very long.

Now I am trying to track what is my mental health - and to do with depression BP and what is the result of living with a man who is somewhat narcissistic.   Or is he?   Could this be my paranoia?  I find I cannot tolerate criticism very well, get stressed out easily, and feel tired and worried a great deal of the time.  My husband wants me one minute and drops his affection if I appear to be illogical, irritated or dont behave how he wants - e.g. what he calls "normal".

I'd like to talk to anyone who struggles with accepting a diagnosis of BP.   I refuse to take any drugs until I know for sure if I need them.   I'm really confused about the symptoms but since using the mood tracker on this site I can see already that my mood does change rather rapidly in the course of a day.

X  

[TheMrsMatchbox]

I beg to differ. The meds might be just what you need to build up the strength to stand up to him. It is plausable that you have bp II and he has something far worse (by the sounds). I would think back to before your marriage and try to remember if there were any indicators there... I had plenty, but it feels like a previous life, so I tend to forget to think back to then. If you're having doubts and aren't going to take meds strait away, at least make sure you see a psych regularly. You're going to need to build up strength to combat this one!

[adel_ezz]

I agree totally with run4you. You can be very well normal and mind you everybody can be abnormal at times depending on the circumstances.

Again you are judging - and that is important - your mental health in relation to your husband which is WRONG. He can be right and most probably he is wrong. You know husbands or in general partners can blackmail each other if they come to know one defect or say one trait in them. So don't take his judgment very seriously. If he really appreciates you he wouldn't dare reproach you and talk about your mental health. Besides why he sticks to you still if he feels you have been "abnormal" all the time.  

I also agree that no need to take meds until you are sure of your diagnosis. As for mood change one can change mood easily so long that is not so drastic, i mean one minute singing then wants to commit suicide.

i think you will be free from your illness once you sort out your marriage relationship