I want to try it but it would look stupid sat in my room at university =/
I just had this visual of putting on a leash and take myself out for a walk, it think because it's funny having that visual actual may motivate me. I find healing in humor. This week, though I fell hell warmed over, I caught myself laughing out loud, not the muffled kind. I don't remember the last time I did that. Humour is the best medicine in many respects. I don't take things do darned seriously.
I'm going to admit *gulp*, I started doing drugs at 12, yeps, 12 and went on experimenting until just after my 21rst birthday. Someone mixed crack with the pot I was smoking (so I was told), my friend's heart stopped(she's alive last I heard) and that almost happened to me. I stopped that day cold.
I binge drank, even was raped and didn't stop until I was 28 almost 29. I was drunk, but still walking, but went home took every pysch med I had. I've a friend hadn't found me I would be dead, they said maybe 30 minutes and that would have been it. The same thing happened with my bulemia, it took one really big scare to stop it. My last vice is smoking ack, but I'm not beating myself up over that.
So know, even if I do "what are you thinking mate", know I have walked in similar shoes and I hate the idea of someone else going down that path.
Hi Del,
I want to comment on just one specific point you made yourself:
"I know essentially how light rebalances our neurochemical levels, if there is a absense of light on the retina of our eyes our cns begins to convert the neurotransmitter serotonin into the hormone melatonin which secretes into our blood and makes us drowsy and tired. It stands to reason because of this that increased exposure to light should effect your moods partially and i think i will try it more. "
Have you tried light therapy? From what I have read and heard, it doesn't seem to matter much just which specific light box you use. The only thing that really seems to count is the intensity of the light and the length of exposure. I use a small portable device ("LiteBook") that I can set up next to my monitor and, depending on my schedule, I leave it on for half an hour to two hours.
I'm not saying it will solve all your problems, but it could become one more arrow in your quiver, in addition to all the good ideas that have already been mentioned by yourself or by others:
--music
--breakfast
--coffee
--breathing
--drinking plenty of water
--long hot shower
--visualization
--walking the dog if you have one; otherwise borrow one, or just walk yourself. :-)
--other exercise
--light therapy
I am painfully aware that it is easy to rattle off all these recommendations, but putting them into practice is like climbing a major mountain with a serioous case of pneumonia. I certainly have not ever succeeded in DOING everything I know I should and could be doing. A lot of these ideas tend to flutter out of my mind, and aren't there for me when I need them most....
This brings up my final point: It would probably be useful to prepare a list of helpful things to do for just those occasions where we are disoriented to the point of not knowing what to do. (Obviously, this would be YOUR personal list, not just the one I have extracted from the posts.)
All the best!
aadel
First I want to say that you are absolutely not an idiot. You shouldn't say that to yourself.
Look, by the time I was 19, I was doing every drug you can imagine in excess. I almost died numerous times and was hospitalized twice for manic/depressive episodes. They kept me in there for 3 months because I did so much damage.
I'm sorry if you think I was patronising you. That wasn't my intention at all. It would be great to see everyone here get better, including me. I only wish you the best. I only wish you the best choices as well.
Music is everything to me. Exercise gives me the best high (better than any drug).
I truly hope the best for you. You deserve it.
Last time I had a moment that bad I actually phoned my p.nurse (rarely can I reach out for help when I really really need it) she talked me through it..told me to have a shower, get dressed and walk the dog then phoned back. I felt better for having simple instructions from someone I trust...did it for her, not me; that helped. When she called back I was in a slightly better place; then she advised the breathing thing like Bulldozer said, also visualisation. This really helps me but I was in such a state I'd forgotten about even the basic tools I have learned. I visualise myself wearing a smart outfit and walking into the building. I picture who will be there and picture myself coping and then leaving afterwards with pride. It really helps.
These simple things are all positive. Give yourself a chance. No excuses.
This may sound really daft but I concentrate on my breathing. Obviously I have to actually get up on time first which can be a real struggle some days so like Jen suggested I actually get up earlier than I need to. I have a good long hot shower, really concentrate on what i'm going to wear (if you feel you look ok on the outside it can give you a little more confidence).
As the time approaches I take big deep breaths and repeat in my head "its ok, i can do this".
I'm not saying that my heart isn't still hammering out of my chest or that I stop feeling dizzy but it does seem to get me to where I need to be.
Sometimes nothing works and I do then rely on having someone with me which I know is difficult for you.
When I was your age I used alcohol to get me out the door and then to keep me out the door! :-s I have vowed not to go down that road again. Its good that your looking for ways to stop using it yourself. Its tough without proper support, but its a bit like the chicken or the egg really. You feel you can't stop the alcohol because you use it to deal with the MH but you can't treat the MH because of the alcohol - hope you can find a decent psych who will listen and take all this on board.
I have CBC, in your case BBC wake me up if I have something important that I can't miss, like my first day of a support group tommorow. I also have my cellphone's alarm set right near my head if I don't get up before a certain time I have a hard time waking up, but not actually getting up. I limit my caffeine to 2 cups of tea or 1 cup of coffee or that will tip me into hypomania. I was at my pdoc's on the 30th feeling grand, until she bluntly told my I was hypomanic and upped my Lith. I need to get 6 hours sleep or I don't function well. If you can try, though I know you are having a hard time with your addictions, to make your life a bit more structured it will help.It will make it easier to get to things and follow through.
Yeah music helps to get me going but it doesnt exactly put me in a europhoric high like alcohol or drugs can. And please dont patronise me i know alcohol is dangerous and i know painkillers and alcohol are sedating im not a idiot and i take it with caffeine to balence everything out and do myself more damage because im a idiot. I know this all and this is why i asked for peoples experiences on other ways of coping.
My taste in music is what most people call depressing but to be honest its relative to your personality millions of people listen to metal and punk without getting depressed.
I may try drinking more water before i go to sleep im always dehydrated and sore when i wake up so i guess it cant hurt. I know i should let more sunlight in but as stupid as you think it sounds in britain at this time of the year is dark wet and cold we dont get any light really.
I know essentially how light rebalances our neurochemical levels, if there is a absense of light on the retina of our eyes our cns begins to convert the neurotransmitter serotonin into the hormone melatonin which secretes into our blood and makes us drowsy and tired. It stands to reason because of this that increased exposure to light should effect your moods partially and i think i will try it more.
Thank you
So if music helps you get you going, they why do you drink whiskey, caffeine and abuse painkillers?
I also use music heavily to calm me and pump me up.
It's devastating to know you are causing such damage to yourself. You brain. You don't get that back. Your medications are obviously not working. If you want to help yourself other than music, go see a psychiatrist. I have been there, done that like you wouldn't believe. I regret so much now. You lose coping skills. Your only 19.
Hope things get better for you. I wish you well
What about trying caffeine alone? It is the lesser of those evils... Alcohol and painkillers are sedating, at least that is what I have experienced. I had to take a narcotic after my surgery and it knocked me out for a couple of days - I couldn't stay awake or function on it. I do not see how painkillers and alcohol will fire you up.
Music definitely helps me get going, as long as it is not super depressing music, otherwise I would still be in bed.
During rough times, I set my alarm clock earlier than I usually do to allow for the time I spend hitting the snooze button in the morning.
Leave the blinds open in your room at night to let the natural sunlight come in and help wake you up in the morning. It is a gentler way of waking up than to a blasting alarm clock.
Eat something in the morning to raise your blood sugar and give you energy. Try coffee or tea for caffeine.
Schedule appointments and classes later in the day to ensure that you make them. I learned not to take classes before 10 am because it was so hard to get going in the morning, especially with the hangover effect from some of these medications.
I have found that drinking lots of water before I go to sleep helps me wake up in the morning and get out of bed. Taking a hot shower also helps.
These have helped me in the past. I am sure others will have helpful suggestions as well.
Good luck - Jen