Boyfriend's moving out

[RubyShooz]

I don't expect a response to this, but I just need to pour out some thoughts.  I'm a 59 yr old female and my "boyfriend" (I hate that term at my age) of nine years, living together for the past five years -- just announced that he is moving out at the end of September.  I own the house and we have been splitting expenses while living together.  I think the biggest hangup he has is that it's MY house -- must be a male thing because I always refer to it as OUR house and he is able to do any projects, rearranging, whatever he wants to do around here.  I hesitate to sell this place (I've lived here for 12 yrs) -- he wants to buy a new place together -- because then if things don't work out, I will have sold my home and we would both have a mess on our hands trying to sort it out financially.

I'm trying to remain calm and work through this one day at a time -- I am bp and currently taking Lamictal 200mg and Lexapro 20mg.  Thank goodness for the meds -- he says he was afraid to tell me and he fully expected me to explode and he was prepared to call my pdoc.  But I've cried and otherwise handling it well.  But I feel like sh*t inside, like this is all a bad nightmare.

My first thought was to end my life so I wouldn't have to deal with this.  I will miss him dearly.  But I came back to my senses and realized yes, I can put one foot in front of the other, at least I am remaining in my own home, and we both say we will remain friends --- although everyone always says that and it seldom turns out to be true.

Sorry to ramble on like this, and I don't expect any responses, it just feels good to write down my feelings. Thanks everyone.

[cowgirlnerd]

When I was pregnant with my son (now 9), I was just plain wild with mania the whole time.  I didn't know what it was at the time, but I did everything from screaming fits, to trying to divorce my husband (who I adored), breaking things, trying to remodel the house, etc. the list goes on and on.  My ex told me once that he was actually afraid to go to sleep at times because he never knew how I was going to react when I woke up (if I slept).  It was a roller coaster for everyone - including my son who was 10 at the time.  One minute I was "Sybil" on steroids, then next was a little angel.  

I had been on an AD for YEARS, but went off of it when I got pregnant.  Apparently, the rush of hormones kicks in the mania, but it does get better after pregnancy, like monkeyc said.  Be careful though when you have your child - I had an EXTREMELY bad case of depression when I got home from the hospital.  I cried everytime my husband left to do anything.  I would sit and hold my baby and just rock him and rock him, and was SO happy, but didn't want him to leave me for anything.

Discuss your treatment with your OB/GYN.  He might be able to help you when you deliver with the meds you will need.  

Hang in there and know that it will get better and just get plenty of rest.

[RJ233]

Glad to see you are feeling better. RJ

[monkeyc]

Once you get medication the mood swings will stop being so severe - this is the best thing about treatment as you can start getting some sense of control back into your life.  My wife put up with years of me being like this and I still am to some extent but it gets easier once you get treated.

[bedsidevixen]

Hi doll!!! I kind of know how you feel but don't in other ways!!! I know it's probably not going to make you feel any better but you're not alone in suffering with relationship problems!!! I have been living with my lovely husband who I love to pieces for a year and a half and we are expecting a beautiful child. There is one downfall to this as when I go through my mood swings Iam so evil to him!!! I will tell him to get out of his own house and I will fly at him verbally for something really petty and small!!! He is standing by me and he understands why but I get the feeling that one day he won't be able to cope any longer and I love him to pieces!!! He is the only guy that has never laid a hand on me in an untoward way!!! There is a big chance that I am suffering with the worst form of bipolar so my mood swings are pretty bad when I get them and I don't know how to control them!!! If you ever need somebody to talk to over the net, even though I am a stranger I will always be an ear you can talk into confidentially!!! Helping other people with their problems or advising them actually makes me feel better!!! XXX

[cowgirlnerd]

How are you doing with the move?  Still doing ok?  Just wondering!  :)

[Venora Moonwind]

Glad you posted I was worried about you.
Vee

[RubyShooz]

Sorry I have not responded sooner but things have been crazy around here with sorting through all our stuff. We have been able to remain "friends" -- helping each other shop for stuff we need, helping him pack up his stuff to get it ready for the movers -- but it is still very stressful.  I'm at the point now where I've accepted the situation, and even realize it is the best thing for both of us -- and I just want his moving day to come (next Monday) so he can move on, and so can I.

On the bright side, I will once again have all my closet space, my space in the basement and garage, my own stuff -- all to myself!  
I'm glad my thoughts of suicide have passed -- and having your messages of support have been what carries me through rough times like this -- we are all SURVIVORS.

Many thanks to those of you who responded -- you guys (and gals) are the BEST, BEST friends in the world.  I always know I will never be alone, all I have to do is turn on my computer and know that I will be among friends who understand me.

Hugs,
Linda

[cowgirlnerd]

Hey Ruby, are you ok today?  Post back.

I pray for you to be better today.

[cowgirlnerd]

Ok, you helped me the other day. Where's that wise RubyShooz!?!?  GIRL!  First of all, if you are even THINKING about the end of life thing, call your pdoc.  Right now.  RIGHT NOW.  I lost my BEST FRIEND to suicide and he was a bi-polar, too.  He and I had been friends for years, and he was the "stabilizer" for me.  When his new wife decided to let him know that she only wanted his money, he decided to blow his brains out and left his sister, mother, SON, me, and the rest to miss HIM.  So, just because you might miss him - if he is afraid to talk to you, there are other issues going on there.  You might think that you are punishing the bf, but believe me, it punishes the people that actually love you - not the ones who don't.  

Every single day I miss my friend and the daily of me being bi-polar and being alone without his help *****.  

SO, if he moved out - try to calm down and don't try to figure out why - just realize that there might be more there.  Please don't hurt yourself - the survivors are the ones that are going to suffer, believe me.

I say this having tried to kill myself once earlier, and just believe me - it's not easy and it is very very painful.  I wasn't successful and thank God I wasnt - be strong.  

Space is sometimes a good way for us BP's to let the manic run its course and see what the other person is trying to say.  Just give him some room and give yourself some room.

You didn't think anyone respond - we did.  We might not know you, but we KNOW you.  We love you - hang in there.  Worse case scenario???  you move on and find out you are ok without him and find someone else.  Don't sell your house..... :)

Check out this website.  www.outofthedarkness.org  

KISS!

[Venora Moonwind]

Sis I hate to have to see you going through this.
You can write here anytime so we can help you get through this.
Vee

[Delusion]

Hey writing down your feelings can sometimes be very useful. Please dont end your life i know what its like that thinking it everyday, the strong among us keep going and thats what your doing.

I read a lot of posts here it makes me feel better reading about other peoples problems and how similar they are to mine and ive seen you post a lot. You've helped a lot of people on here, your a good person :)